No Day But Today
by Ultimate Queen of Cliffies
Summary: What if green skin was not the only curse Elphaba was born with? She has been ill all her life and she knows she does not have much time left, but she is determined to make the most of the time she still does have. AU. Fiyeraba. Warning: major character death. Tied 1st place Best Overall Fic and 2nd place Best Fiyeraba in the 2016 Greg Awards.
1. Receive My First Kiss

**Here it finally is - _No Day But Today_ , the fic in which I'm killing off Elphaba for good, and I feel it needs some explanation.**

 **I've made up an illness for Elphaba, rather than used an existing one, mainly because I didn't want the focus to be on the illness - I want it to be on the story around it. Carlie (vinkunwildflowerqueen) has given Elphaba cancer once and she's done that so brilliantly, I'm not even going to try to do something like that again (in case you don't know which fic I'm talking about - it's called _Come What May_ and you should go and read it right this instant).**

 ** _No Day But Today_ was mainly a challenge for myself. I could never permanently kill either Elphaba or Fiyero in a multichap - I always brought them back, and I basically just wanted to see if I could do it, if I could kill them and not bring them back.**

 **I recognise that this is a heavy topic and I've tried to handle it as sensitively and as realistically as possible whilst still staying relatively close to the musical. I hope I have succeeded in that and I hope you guys will be willing to go on this journey with me, but of course I understand if any of you find the topic too heavy and don't want to read it.**

 **Without further delay, then, here we go.**

* * *

 **#1. Receive My First Kiss**

* * *

 _There is no future; there is no past_

 _I live this moment as my last_

* * *

Her fellow students were dancing, mindless and careless, giggling and talking to one another as they downed glasses of punch and twirled around on the dance floor. Many of them were dancing with partners, girls enraptured in boys' arms, swaying together whilst getting lost in one another's eyes. Some of them didn't even bother keeping themselves in check and were all over each other, kissing and touching so feverishly that Elphaba would hardly be surprised if they were to take it a few steps further right there on the dance floor (although she sincerely hoped they wouldn't).

Even after all this time with Galinda as her best friend, she still hated parties. She just didn't get what all the fuss was about. She hated dressing up because she knew that no matter what clothes and make-up she wore and how fancy her hair looked, she would never be even remotely pretty. She hated drinking because every single drink with alcohol in it tasted vile and it made her lose the one thing she never wanted to lose – control. She hated dancing because she was terrible at it and after that fiasco in the OzDust Ballroom in their first year, she didn't feel like embarrassing herself once again. Galinda always claimed dancing was much better with a partner, but Elphaba was sure she would hate that, too, because she didn't like being close to people. And besides, what boy would be willing to dance with the artichoke, anyway? The music was always too loud, there were too many people, and it was just generally overwhelming.

She had brought a book, of course, and she kept stealing glances at Galinda. Only once she was sure that the blonde was dancing with some boy from a higher year and thus no longer paying attention to her green roommate did said green roommate pull the book out of her purse. She settled down in the window sill in the corner, as far away from the dance floor and the other students as possible, and she opened her book and began to read. She just hoped Galinda wouldn't bust her, because if she did, she would definitely take the book away from her and Elphaba would be stuck bored out of her mind for the rest of the night after all.

She was just getting to the good part of the story when someone cleared his throat beside her and she looked up in mild bewilderment. It was Fiyero, standing there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, staring at her. She raised her eyebrows at him and he gave her a slightly goofy smile that made her stomach do somersaults.

"Hey," he said. He nodded at her book. "Bored?"

"Not anymore," she said. "Not until Galinda catches me and takes my book away, anyway."

He chuckled. "I can imagine. Listen, Fae, I was just wondering… would you like to dance?"

She heaved a deep sigh. "Fiyero, you know I can't dance."

"I can teach you."

She shook her head. "I don't want to damage your feet. I have no interest in dancing, you know. I'm perfectly fine here by myself."

He sighed, too, and sat down in the window sill beside her. "Why do you always have to be so difficult?" he asked, but it didn't sound mean or biting. Actually, it sounded a little disappointed. "I just want to dance with you. That's all. One dance. Because you're my friend, and I like you, and I want to dance with you. Okay? Indulge me?"

She looked at him. He had obviously attempted to smooth down his sandy hair for the occasion, but it was still looking messy, springing in all directions. He did look very handsome in a pair of fancy black trousers and a black jacket over a white shirt that contrasted nicely with this tanned skin. He looked like a gentleman and she couldn't help but glance down at herself. Galinda had forced her into a long, dark green dress with a split up to her knee, along with a pair of silver heels – nothing too high, thank Oz, or she wouldn't even have been able to stand. The dress hugged her forms and it was beautiful, it really was… just not on _her_ , no matter what her bubbly roommate said. Her hair was pinned up in an elegant updo and she was wearing make-up and some jewellery her blonde friend had put on her, but she knew she could never look nearly as pretty as Galinda herself. Sitting beside Fiyero, she felt quite literally like a frog sitting next to a prince.

"Why?" she asked softly. "Every single girl in this room would love to dance with you. Why me?"

He grinned at her. "Like I said. You're my friend and I like you. Why wouldn't I dance with you?" He pouted. "Please? Just once?"

She sighed, but she already knew she would. She could never resist that face. "Fine. Just once."

She'd been annoyed by him since he had arrived at Shiz and that feeling had continued to exist for a long time. He and Galinda had dated for a bit before both moving on, but somehow, during that time, he had started making an effort to be nice to Elphaba – for Galinda's sake at first – and she had started to like him. She'd liked him for a while after that and they were friends. He was just the second friend she'd ever had and that was nice, but nothing else… at least, not until they had saved that Lion cub together.

She was in love with him. She knew that. Hopelessly, terribly, irrevocably, stupidly in love. She had always been good at hiding her feelings, however – unless, of course, she was very angry or upset – and she was fairly certain he had no idea. Thank Oz for that. It could never work and she would never breathe a word about her feelings for him, but that didn't mean she couldn't dream.

She was usually pretty good at letting her common sense override her emotions. However, that became increasingly difficult when Fiyero did things like what he was doing now. Telling her he liked her. Asking her to dance. Touching her. Smiling at her the way he was doing right this moment, making her feel dizzy and weak in the knees.

She stuffed her book into her purse and rose to her feet, blushing when he took her hand in his and led her over to the dance floor. It was a nice song – not too fast, but not awkwardly slow, either – and he pulled her into his arms, but kept his distance. She relaxed after a while, just swaying a little with him, looking over his shoulder. When she felt his bright blue eyes on her, she glanced up at him. "What?"

He shook his head with a smile. "Nothing." His smile vanished. "Fae… I do like you, you know."

She looked at him, surprised. "I know you do. I like you, too."

He shook his head in frustration and let go of her for a moment, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't mean it like that. I mean… I mean I care about you. A lot. Like, a _lot_ a lot."

She continued to stare at him and he drew her back into his arms with a sigh. "Never mind," he muttered. He knew she wouldn't believe him, anyway, if he told her how he felt.

She kept looking at him, wondering what exactly he was trying to say. She thought she knew, but that was just so impossible she didn't even seriously consider the option. However, he had given her an idea and she tilted her head back a little, gaze fixed on his lips.

"Yero?"

"Mmh?" he hummed, still swaying with her in his arms.

She pursed her lips a little, thoughtful. She was feeling bold, all of a sudden. Maybe it was because she knew she had nothing left to lose and she was just so curious as to what it felt like. "Would you kiss me?"

The look on his face was priceless. He all but gawked at her, stopping his movements to stare at her stupidly. "What?"

Insecurity kicking in again, she wrapped her arms around herself. "If the idea really appals you that much, you don't have to," she muttered, feeling stupid all of a sudden. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Forget I ever brought it up."

He gently tipped her chin up with his fingers, meeting her gaze. Then he leaned in and captured her lips with his own.

Her eyes widened in surprise for a moment before fluttering shut. She hadn't really expected him to do it, but she couldn't even describe how wonderful it felt. It could never lead to anything more, it would always just be this one kiss, but that was all right. This one kiss was perfect enough in itself.

The kiss slowed a few times and each time, she thought he would stop; but he never did. He drew her tighter against him, splaying his fingers against her back and tangling them in her hair, holding her close. A rush of boldness sweeping over her again, she ran her tongue along the seam of his lips and nearly squeaked against his mouth when she felt his lips part right away, allowing her to deepen the kiss. She had no idea what she was doing, but it felt amazing and she never wanted it to end.

He slowed again, instead placing a few soft, gentle kisses to her lips and then pulling away, breathing hard. His face mirrored the look of wonder she must have on hers and she was feeling quite dizzy.

"Wow," he breathed and she chuckled throatily.

"That sums it up pretty well, if you ask me."

Around them, some of their fellow students were cat-calling or whistling at the prince and the green bean kissing. Wanting to shield her from that, Fiyero quickly whisked her off the dance floor and back to their private corner by the window seat. He sat down beside her, holding her hand.

"You did get what I meant, then," he said, a wide grin slowly spreading across his face. "When I said I care about you. I mean… I didn't want to scare you away, but I… I really do like you, Elphaba. Ever since the Lion cub, I think… no, I don't think, I'm actually pretty much entirely sure that I'm… well, I'm in love with you."

Her own smile had slowly melted off her face during his little speech and by the end of it, she was shaking her head. She pulled her hand out of his grip. "No," she said flatly. "You can't."

He looked flabbergasted. "What? Of course I can. What are you talking about?" His eyes narrowed. "Is this about you being insecure about your looks? Your skin? Fae, I don't care that you're green. You're beautiful. Don't shoot me down now with some nonsense about you not deserving me or whatever."

Oz dammit, he knew her too well. "It's not that," she snapped, clutching the strap of her purse so tightly her knuckles turned a lighter shade of green. "Or, well, it _is_ that, but it's not _just_ that. Just… just don't, Fiyero. Stop it. You can't. It's not going to happen." She rose to her feet and made to walk away, but thought better of it at the last moment and turned back around. He was looking confused, hurt, and disappointed, and she almost changed her mind; but then she remembered why she was doing this and she straightened her back and set her jaw, hardening her resolve. "Thank you for that kiss," she said, before turning around and leaving the OzDust Ballroom, hurrying back through the cold to her dorm room.

* * *

Galinda knew that her roommate would pretend to be asleep once she got home, but she also knew that Elphaba knew the blonde would never accept that. Sure enough, when she came into the room and turned on the light, Elphaba was lying on her side with her back towards the door, apparently asleep.

"Elphie, I know you're not really sleeping," said Galinda, hanging up her coat and kicking off her heels. "You can keep on pretending until I whack you with a pillow or we can just skip all that and you can tell me what happened with Fiyero. Milla said she saw you two kiss."

Elphaba, recognising when she couldn't win a fight, relented and turned around to face her friend. "He asked me to dance," she said. "I just… figured that I don't really have much left to lose and I wanted to know... you know. What it was like. So I asked him to kiss me, and he did."

Galinda softened. She sighed, shaking her head. "And then what?"

"Then he told me he is in love with me and I ran," Elphaba confessed.

"Oh, Elphie…" Galinda sat down on the edge of Elphaba's bed. "Didn't you know that he likes you? Everyone can see that, really. If you didn't want anything more, you shouldn't have played with his feelings like that." The wide-eyed expression on Elphaba's face told her that her friend in fact hadn't known about the prince's feelings for her at all and Galinda shook her head again. "Oz, Elphie. You didn't know, did you?"

Elphaba bit her lip. "I didn't," she admitted softly. "And I... I do want something more. I wish I could. But even if I weren't green and an outcast, even if he could, for some crazy reason, actually love me…" She trailed off, but Galinda didn't need her to say anything else.

"You don't want to hurt him," she stated quietly. She looked at her friend sympathetically. "You don't want to allow him to fall in love with you and then leave him once your time is up."

Elphaba nodded, biting her lip so hard she tasted blood now. "Exactly. I can give him weeks, months… perhaps I could even give him a year, or two. But I could never give him more and it would only hurt him more if he gets any closer to me now."

Galinda hugged her best friend, not knowing what else she could do. She knew the green girl was right, after all. It would hurt them all terribly to lose her as a friend, but it would be even worse if Fiyero were to start a relationship with her now, even though he didn't know it yet himself. Elphaba purposefully hadn't told anyone, aside from Galinda and, of course, her family and the doctors, because she didn't think she could handle their pity; but she was dying, and she and Galinda both understood that a relationship would only complicate things further.


	2. Go Stargazing with My Best Friend

**Wow, the amount of response I got for that first chapter is overwhelming! Thank you so much! Virtual cupcakes for all of you!**

 **A few more things about this story: it's loosely based on the movie _Now Is Good_ (which is in turn based on the book _Before I Die_ , but I haven't read that one) and yes, you'll recognise some RENT song lyrics with every chapter, because it just really seemed to fit.**

 **Furthermore, to those of you who either want me to keep Elphaba alive or doubt that I could actually kill her off... I have finished writing this entire fanfic already - 16 chapters, completely written, set in stone. Elphaba dies, I can promise you that. No more changes now.**

* * *

 **#2. Go Stargazing with My Best Friend**

* * *

 _How do you figure a last year on earth?_

 _Figure in love_

 _Seasons of love_

* * *

Elphaba had been sick her entire life already, but it hadn't always shown. She had been diagnosed at age four after suffering severe dizzy spells; the doctors said it was a birth defect, most likely resulting from the same disorder that had caused her green skin. Frex had mentioned something about Melena having consumed a green elixir whilst pregnant with Elphaba – the elixir that must have been in the green glass bottle the young witch had from her mother. However, no-one knew for sure what exactly had caused the defects that would plague her her entire life long (even if that life would be relatively short).

No doctor could exactly name the illness she had, since it probably stemmed from that strange green elixir that no-one had ever seen before and it was not unlikely that Elphaba was actually the only person in the world suffering from it. However, they had declared it most closely resembled a type of progressive blood disorder. No matter what it was, though, they agreed that it would eventually result in her death; the doctors had told the Thropp family eventually that Elphaba would never make it to twenty-five. She'd been given a lot of different types of medication to try and manage the disease and eventually, certain combinations had seemed to at least lessen her symptoms, so she took them daily. That was also the only reason why Galinda knew about it; Elphaba hadn't been able to hide from her roommate the fact that she had to take medication three times a day and Galinda had kept on prodding until the green girl had relented and confessed the truth. Her friend had been horrified and more than a little heart-broken, but Elphaba had firmly told her she didn't want any pity and Galinda had bravely pulled herself together after that.

She'd had to take more and more medication as she grew older, but honestly, it wasn't too bad. She wasn't usually in a lot of pain. The most serious manifestation of her illness seemed to be severe anaemia, which resulted in dizziness and fatigue sometimes, but she had gotten quite good at hiding those symptoms from her friends since she had come to Shiz. She felt short of breath occasionally and experienced a lot of headaches, but she never let that on, either. The only symptoms she couldn't very well hide were the occasional nosebleeds and fainting spells she got, but they happened so rarely that they hadn't caused her much trouble until now – although she suspected it would get worse before long. All of her symptoms had been getting worse lately and over the summer, her doctors had sympathetically told her that the disease was progressing rather rapidly now, although they had refused to tell her how long she might have left. She had discovered very early on that doctors hated giving such numbers.

Right now, she was sitting in the window sill, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and gazing outside. It was almost completely dark already. Galinda, Nessarose, Fiyero, and Boq were out having dinner, but she had declined their invitation to come along, claiming she had some more studying to do. In reality, she wasn't feeling well and she had spent the past few hours sleeping. She still hadn't eaten anything and she was just contemplating going down to the café to get some food when the door opened and Galinda slipped back inside.

"Hi, Elphie," the blonde said with a small smile and a knowing look in her blue eyes. She held up a brown paper bag. "I bet you're hungry. Are you feeling better now?"

Elphaba stared at her, but Galinda just chuckled softly. "Oh, Elphie, I know you. And although studying is a perfectly valid excuse for you, not to mention extremely believable, I've learned to recognise the signs since I discovered the truth about your illness. You were pale and quiet, which probably means you were dizzy and having a headache, right? Have you slept?"

The green girl nodded and Galinda smiled again. "Good." She watched as Elphaba ate the food she had brought her and the two girls sat in silence for a while after that. The blonde had noticed that her roommate had been quiet since the incident at the OzDust Ballroom with Fiyero, but she didn't really know how to make it better. Elphaba was right, after all – she couldn't start a relationship with the Vinkun prince, but Elphaba insisted on not telling him why that was and so Galinda was stumped for ideas, too. Right now she just wished she could make her friend feel better.

Making a decision, she took Elphaba's arm and tugged on it. "Come with me. Put on some warm clothes," she instructed. Elphaba gave her a questioning look, but the petite girl didn't say anything. She merely urged her friend to put on some layers and then pulled her out of the room and down the stairs, into the night.

Shiz University was always quiet at night, even though it was only about ten in the evening. Most students had retreated early, since it was a normal week day and so they all had class tomorrow. It lent the courtyard an eerie look, as if they weren't really supposed to be there at this time of the day, but it also felt exciting somehow.

Galinda sat down on a bench near the fountain and Elphaba sank down beside her, both of them quiet for a moment. Then Galinda asked, "Elphie, do you know the star constellations you can see here in Gillikin?"

Elphaba shook her head and Galinda laid her head in her neck, gazing up at the burning lights in the inky black night sky. One by one, she started pointing out the constellations, explaining to her best friend the stories her Popsicle had taught her when she was little. Elphaba listened, quietly but attentively, and tried to search for the constellations themselves. Once Galinda couldn't name any other constellations, she fell silent and the two girls just sat there for a while, looking up, losing themselves in the beauty of the stars.

Again, Galinda was the first to speak. "Elphie?"

Elphaba made a non-committal sound in her throat and the blonde sighed. "Maybe... maybe you should give it a try regardless."

The dark-haired witch looked at her friend and Galinda clarified, "With Fiyero, I mean. Elphie... soon you won't be able to hide it any longer, anyway. It's not fair to leave him like this. I agree with you that it might only make things harder on him if something were to happen between you two, but right now he just... he doesn't understand. He deserves to know the truth, Elphaba."

Elphaba nodded, knowing her friend was right. She just didn't want to tell him. She'd never wanted to tell anyone. Galinda was surprisingly good with the situation, for which Elphaba was so thankful – she could not deal with anyone's dramatics over her fate on top of that fate by itself. Frex had always kept his distance from her, which she knew to be partly because she was green and he just could not get past that, but also partly because he already knew she was going to die before he would and he didn't want to make it harder on himself by caring too much. It was much the same for Nessarose, who obviously cared for her sister, but didn't let herself love Elphaba the way she might have if things had been different.

That was also one of the reasons Elphaba had always pushed people away. Most of them didn't want to get close to her because of her skin, but those who did, she'd tried to push away as hard as she could, because it would be best if she left as little heartache in her wake as possible.

Instead, she had focused on fighting for a cause. She advocated Animal rights. She tried to make good somehow, wanting to leave a handprint on the world before it was too late, but she had no idea how to do that. She was only one person and she couldn't make much of a difference by herself. She still resented that, because it meant she would have come into this world and then left it again without anything changing because of it.

"You'll tell him, then?" Galinda pressed, interrupting Elphaba's thoughts.

The green girl bit her lip, but quickly stopped when she tasted blood – she bled too easily these days. "I don't know. I really don't want to, Glin."

"Sleep on it, then," her roommate advised her, lightly touching her arm. "Take some time, but at least think about it, okay?"

"Okay."

They sat there for another while longer, feeling calm and peaceful under the stars. It was nearly midnight by the time they walked back up to their dorm room and Elphaba surprised Galinda by pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you," she said, smiling a little at the puzzled, but delighted look on her roommate's face. "I know what you were trying to do, and it worked, so thank you. You're a great friend, Glin."

Galinda smiled widely. "You're feeling a little better, then?"

"A lot, actually," Elphaba admitted and the blonde girl beamed at her.

They prepared for bed, both of them changing into their nightwear. Elphaba had almost drifted off to sleep when Galinda suddenly whispered excitedly, "Oh my Oz, Elphie, I have the most splendiferous idea!"

Elphaba winced a little – she was familiar with her best friend's "splendiferous" ideas by now. "What kind of idea?" she asked warily.

"A list," Galinda said, sitting up and looking at the green girl in the dark. "A list of things you still want to do before you..." She trailed off uncertainly, but Elphaba filled in bluntly, "Before I die."

The smaller girl sighed unhappily. "Yes."

"You know?" Elphaba thought about it for a while. "That's actually not such a bad idea."

"Let's make the most of the time you have left," said Galinda, her eyes sparkling now. "I'll help you come up with things. Nothing too big – it has to be doable... but things you've always wanted to do in your life." She lit the lamp on her nightstand and instantly pulled out a pink notebook and a fluffy pink pencil, opening the notebook on a fresh page and writing _THINGS ELPHABA WANTS TO DO_ at the top (she just couldn't bring herself to add "before she dies"). "What would the first thing be?"

"I don't know." Elphaba was feeling a little dizzy and overwhelmed. "I... I guess I've never really thought about it much."

"I know your first thing." Galinda smiled at her and wrote down _Receive my first kiss_. "We can tick that one off immediately already."

Elphaba nodded. "That's a good one."

"Anything more ambitious in that area?" Galinda hinted, but Elphaba shook her head.

"No," she said firmly. "Don't wish, don't start, Galinda. It's never going to happen."

"Elphie," the blonde said gently, "he already loves you."

Elphaba kept on shaking her head, but Galinda added _Be in love_ to the list and, after a brief moment of hesitation, also _Make love_. She knew Elphaba would want to cross that one out as soon as she saw it, but she felt like maybe that point was not so far away, what with Fiyero being in love with the green girl and Elphaba loving him back... perhaps it would happen and if it did, it would most certainly be an experience neither one of them would ever forget.

"Okay, something else." Galinda chewed the back of her pen, spluttering a little when she got some of the fluffy feathers in her mouth. Elphaba chortled at that and Galinda threw her a look before her face lit up. "Stargazing!"

"With my best friend," Elphaba added softly and Galinda beamed at her before adding that one to the list.

"Anything similar, maybe?" she asked her friend. "Watching a sunset?"

Elphaba hesitated, then shook her head. "I've seen plenty of sunsets back home," she said. "I'd love to see a sunrise, though. And... does playing in the snow count? It never snows in Munchkinland and since I went home for Lurlinemas last year, I didn't get a chance to play out in the snow here at Shiz, either..."

"That's a perfect one, Elphie!" Galinda encouraged, glad that her friend was joining in now with her own ideas.

"And reading the final book in the Solar series," Elphaba added. Her friend sighed dramatically, which made the green girl laugh. "What? You know I love books, that series is really good, and I am _not_ going to die without having read the final book, Galinda. It's coming out in a month – I should be able to make that."

They spent a while longer trying to come up with other things to put on the list and by the time they turned off the light and went to sleep, Galinda was satisfied. The page in her notebook was pretty full by now and somehow, that made Elphaba's impending death feel less... not less real, but less close. With so many things still left to do, so many things to look forward to, it would be another while yet before she would actually pass away... right?


	3. Get a Complete Make-Over

**Silvine Graycine, I sent you a PM. I never saw that movie, but I read about the plot and you'll find a lot of (unintentional) similarities between that one and this story.**

* * *

 **#3. Get a Complete Make-Over**

* * *

 _Take me for what I am_

 _Who I was meant to be_

* * *

"I still can't believe you agreed to put this on the list!" Galinda was dancing around the room, squealing. "A _make-over_ , Elphie! Voluntarily!" She stopped dancing, horror fleeting across her face. "Wait. Are you all right? Are you sure you're not... delusional, or something? Is your brain affected? Should I call a doctor?" She was already starting to panic, but Elphaba shouted her name.

"Galinda, the problem is in my blood," she said. "This illness probably can't even affect my brain. Calm down." She took a deep breath and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "I just... I want something different. I _feel_ different, and I want that reflected on the outside. Not because of my illness or what's going to happen," she clarified, looking at Galinda, "but because... well, because of you. All of you. Shiz, and the people there, and what happened... I never thought I would one day have friends and it means so much to me that I now finally do. I feel like I've been changed for the better because of it – like I'm not the same person I was back when I still lived in Munchkinland – and I want to look that way, too."

Galinda looked like she was near tears now, but she just nodded wordlessly and picked up a comb, slowly running it through Elphaba's thick, long, raven hair. She swallowed the lump in her throat away and then asked, her voice sounding not quite like her own, "Elphie, are you sure you want to cut it?"

"Absolutely." Elphaba shook her hair back and took a deep breath. "No more hiding for me. You can throw my glasses away, too – with that spell you found, I won't even need them anymore, anyway."

Galinda nodded. "All right. I will, and we'll go to the hair salon right away."

Elphaba looked at her bubbly friend, feeling a little guilty. She knew it was stupid; it wasn't like she'd chosen to be sick, just like she hadn't chosen to be green. It had just happened. Maybe it was because of that green elixir Melena had apparently drunk or maybe not, but that didn't matter, either. She _was_ green, and she _was_ ill, and she'd had her entire life to learn how to deal with that.

Because of that fact, she sometimes tended to forget that it was all still so new to Galinda and that the thought of losing her best friend terrified the blonde. Galinda had known for about a year now, pretty much since they had first become friends; but compared to Elphaba, who had known about this almost ever since she could remember, that was such a short time.

The green girl knew she sometimes had to try harder to take Galinda's feelings into account when it came to her illness. This whole make-over-slash-shopping trip was as much meant for the blonde girl as it was for Elphaba herself. She did want to change her look – she'd meant everything she'd said earlier – but she also really wanted to see a carefree smile on Galinda's face again for once. She'd gladly face the torture of hair dressers and shopping for that.

The petite blonde girl grabbed her purse and beckoned her roommate, who followed meekly, but it was actually a lot less bad than she had expected. The hair dresser was done with her soon enough and the shopping didn't even take that long, although the two friends argued for quite some time about the new style Elphaba should adopt. Elphaba finally won the argument by reminding her roommate that _she_ was the one actually having to wear the clothes.

She didn't want to change completely. She was still Elphaba and she always would be; she wasn't going to suddenly dress in pink, frilly skirts and high heels like her fluffy roommate. She did, however, buy some more form-fitting clothes in different colours, at Galinda's insistence. Her new wardrobe was still comfortable and not exactly the latest fashion, but it was classier than her old one and she actually rather liked it. Just like she rather liked her hair – it had been cut into layers, with the longest ones falling down to her shoulder blades, and it was now streaked with hints of dark brown and red, bringing out the natural ebony even more.

The moment they got home, Galinda pulled out the notebook and her fluffy pen and sang, "Item three is done!"

Elphaba studied herself in the mirror, suddenly feeling uncertain about this whole big change. "Are you sure dark red looks good on me?" she asked doubtfully.

"Absolutely," her friend assured her. "Especially with your hair like this, it matches just brilliantly. You look stunning, Elphie. Really." She suddenly looked serious. "So have you talked to Fiyero yet?"

Elphaba opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it again and shook her head. Galinda gave her a disapproving look.

"Glin..." She suddenly felt very tired. "I will, okay? Later. Right now I think I need to lie down for a little while."

Suddenly looking concerned, Galinda agreed and fussed over her roommate until the dark-haired witch was settled between the blankets and had drifted off to sleep. After that, the blonde tip-toed out of the room, intending to go and talk to Nessa for a little bit.

* * *

When Elphaba joined her friend and sister in the café, later that afternoon, they both smirked at her and she shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

"You look nice, Fabala," said Nessa, smiling. "I'm glad you're finally wearing some classier and fancier dresses and that hairstyle really suits you."

"Thanks, Nessie." Elphaba sat down and looked at the two girls. "So what were you two smirking about?"

"We found something else for your list," Galinda told her and Elphaba scowled at her.

"You told Nessa about that?!"

"Of course she did," said Nessa quietly. "I'm your sister."

Instantly feeling guilty, Elphaba apologised, but Nessarose waved her away. "It's fine, Fabala, really. How are you feeling now?" she asked worriedly.

"Fine," Elphaba brushed her off. Her head hurt and she was still feeling tired, weak, and dizzy, but she supposed she would have to get used to that from now on, anyway. "What else did you think of for my list?"

The other two girls shared a look. Nessa began. "Fabala, do you remember that you used to sing me to sleep every night when we were younger?"

Elphaba smiled at the memory. "Yes."

"Well," Nessa continued, "at some point, you mentioned that you would love to sing in front of some people..."

The young witch's eyes widened and she instantly shook her head. "No," she declared. "Never. It's not going to happen."

"Elphie," Galinda pointed out reasonably, "you've already done that weird dance all by yourself in the middle of a packed OzDust Ballroom. It's not like people are going to judge you for it any more than they already do – I'm sorry, but you know it's the truth."

"You're right," Elphaba agreed, "but still."

Galinda shook her head. "Didn't you say just last weekend, after that party at the OzDust, that you have nothing left to lose?" she asked, throwing Elphaba's own words back at her. "Why would this be any different?"

"Well, I _did_ lose something that night, didn't I?" Elphaba snapped. "Enough about this. I'm not doing it, okay? You can try to think of something else. Or not. In any case, I'm going to get some tea," normally she would have gone for coffee, but she had found that that did not go over well with her new medication, a fact that only made her more cranky, "and then I'm coming back here to study."

Despite the fact that her education would most likely never pay off for Elphaba, she still found it very important. Why that was, she couldn't say. She genuinely enjoyed studying and learning here at Shiz, which might be part of it. She also loved being away from Munchkinland and her father. No matter what the reason was, though, she was here and she wanted to do the very best she could.

When she returned to the table with her tea, it was to find that Fiyero and Boq had joined the girls and she froze.

Boq grinned at her. "You look nice, Elphaba," he complimented her. "What happened?"

She shrugged. "I just wanted something different for a change," she said.

Fiyero looked up at her and said quietly that he liked her new look before lowering his gaze again, fidgeting nervously. He looked like a beaten puppy and she hated how weak it made her feel. It was a whole different kind of weakness than the one she experienced because of her illness; this weakness melted her and rendered her unable to deny him anything. It was limited to just Fiyero – and sometimes Galinda or Nessa, when they looked at her a certain way – and for that she hated it all the more.

"Elphie," Galinda said softly to her as she sat back down. "Talk to him."

Elphaba shook her head stubbornly and opened her Life Sciences book. She ignored the chattering of the others as they talked about irrelevant things, instead focusing on her book whilst slowly finishing her tea.

They spent a while like that in comfortable companionship. Galinda excused herself after a while, saying she still needed to pick out a dress for a date she had that night. Boq and Nessa departed, too, both of them wanting to get some studying done in the library, and Elphaba and Fiyero were left alone. She still didn't acknowledge him, though, so engrossed in her book that she had hardly even noticed the fact that the others had left the café. When she felt a warm hand on her shoulder a while later, she jumped.

"Could we talk?" Fiyero asked her quietly. She wanted to tell him no, but she knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him forever and so she heaved a deep sigh, resigning herself to her fate.

"Fine." She packed her things and left the café. Fiyero was right on her heels.

"I just want to be friends again," Fiyero said after they had walked in silence for a while. "I hate the fact that you're ignoring me, even though I can understand why –"

"Can you?" she asked, genuinely curious about his answer. She had a headache and she didn't feel like her nap from earlier had been very refreshing at all, which made her irritable. She reminded herself that none of this was Fiyero's fault and she needed to stay nice, or at the very least polite, to him. "Why do you think I was ignoring you?"

He looked uncertain all of a sudden. "I... I don't know. The kiss, I thought. Or maybe my confession afterwards. I never meant to drop it on you like that and I just babbled away about being in love with you... no wonder you panicked and ran off. I'm sorry."

She was already shaking her head. "Don't apologise," she told him, her head feeling heavier and more painful with every passing clock-tick. She hated these kinds of conversations. "You did nothing wrong." She pressed her palm to her forehead, noticing it was a little sweaty. She was dizzy, too. "Can we sit down somewhere? My back hurts a little," she added upon seeing his worried look. It wasn't an outright lie – her entire body hurt right now – and she didn't want to tell him the truth. Not yet, anyway.

He looked around, but there was no bench nearby. "We could go to your dorm room," he offered and she, unable to think of a better alternative with this splitting headache, nodded.

As they walked, Fiyero asked, puzzled, "So if I didn't do anything wrong, then why were you ignoring me?"

"I..." She struggled. How in Oz was she going to explain this? "I just..." The world was spinning. Why was the world spinning? The sounds in it suddenly faded, as if she had been dunked under water. She could see Fiyero's lips move, but his voice sounded distorted and strange and she blinked a few times. Another wave of dizziness washed over her and she staggered, vaguely aware of the fact that Fiyero had caught her before everything went black.

* * *

 **Since I don't think the first chapter counted as a cliffy... here's the first cliffy of this story! :D (Seriously, guys. I'm the Queen of Cliffies and this is a story about Elphaba dying. You can't expect there to not be any cliffies.)**


	4. Be in Love

**#4. Be in Love**

* * *

 _I should tell you I'm disaster_

 _I forget how to begin it_

* * *

To say that Fiyero was worried sick about Elphaba was an understatement. He actually felt nauseous himself, like he might throw up at any given moment now, and he was pacing non-stop. His friends were watching him with worried eyes and Galinda approached him, gently laying a hand on his arm.

"Fiyero," she said quietly. "Stop. She'll be fine."

"How do you know?" he snapped, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Has this happened before?"

He didn't miss the glance Galinda exchanged with Nessarose and he stopped his pacing, turning fully to look at them. "Has it?"

The wheelchair-bound girl sighed. "That's not for us to tell," she said primly, folding her hands in her lap. Galinda gave her a look, which she ignored, just as she ignored the way Fiyero's face fell at her words.

He still wasn't sure what had happened. One moment, they had been talking; and the next, Elphaba's face had suddenly blanched until it almost looked grey and then she'd collapsed. He'd only barely been able to catch her before she hit the pavement and he had instantly carried her over to the campus infirmary, where they had taken her in and given her a room. He'd insisted on staying with her and asked for someone to be sent out to fetch Galinda. The blonde had come running past Nessa and Boq, who were just heading to the park, and the two of them had tagged along. Now here they all were, waiting for Elphaba to wake up. Galinda and Nessa both seemed to know something, but they refused to say a word, which irritated and alarmed Fiyero beyond reason.

His musings were interrupted by a gruff voice from the bed. "Does anyone have a painkiller? My head is _killing_ me."

Galinda's voice was flat. "Don't say such things, Elphie."

Elphaba grimaced. "Sorry."

"And you can't have any painkillers," Nessarose added. "Not until you've been looked over by the doctor, anyway, and then still only your own prescribed painkillers, which you probably left in your dorm room."

"Forgot to put them in my bag this morning," Elphaba muttered, but Galinda scoffed.

"Right, Elphie. You forgot. Just like you forget them every day. You're just such a horribly stubborn green bean sometimes!" she exclaimed, stomping her foot in frustration, which made Elphaba chuckle weakly even though Fiyero was a little shocked. What were they even talking about?

"Fae?" he asked quietly and she raised her gaze to meet his, dropping it again almost immediately afterwards. "Are you all right?"

It was a relatively innocent question, under normal circumstances, and a very valid one in _these_ circumstances, given the fact that she'd fainted in his arms not too long ago. Knowing everything that was behind it, however, Elphaba thought it was quite a loaded question. For a moment, she was tempted to lie and she already opened her mouth to say that yes, she was fine, she just hadn't eaten enough today and that was all; but then Galinda caught her eye and she knew she had to tell the truth now.

The green girl bit her lip. "Fiyero, I… I think we need to talk."

Satisfied, Galinda nodded at her and quietly ushered Boq and Nessarose out of the room. Elphaba sat up, struggling to prop some pillows behind her back. Fiyero shot forward to help her and she gave him a grateful smile despite the twinge of annoyance she felt at needing help at all. Once she was comfortable, he sat down in the chair beside the bed and looked at her expectantly.

She didn't even know where to begin. She took a breath and opened her mouth, then closed it again, shaking her head. "Oz, I have no idea how to tell you this," she muttered.

"Well, can't you start with the reason why you fainted?" he asked, trying to help her. "Does this happen often?"

"Not often," she said, biting her lip again. "But… occasionally. Yes." She closed her eyes for a moment and then decided to just get it over with. "Yero, I have a progressive blood disorder."

He blinked. "A progressive blood disorder," he echoed slowly. "What does that mean?"

She made a face at him. "You really should pay more attention in class, Fiyero," she said jokingly, but he didn't laugh and she quickly sobered. "It's… it's something I was born with, presumably for the same reason as why I was born with green skin," she said matter-of-factly. "If you want to get technical, it basically means my body is attacking and destroying its own cells, mostly blood cells, causing anaemia and all other kinds of annoying symptoms. It's gotten worse over time and will continue to do so, as you've probably realised from the word "progressive"."

He was still staring at her, unable to comprehend. "What does that mean?" he asked again, only now there was a slight edge of panic to his voice.

She sighed tiredly, rubbing her temples – it felt like her head was going to explode and this conversation wasn't helping. Deciding to take the straightforward approach again, she said bluntly, "Fiyero, I'm dying. I've basically been dying my whole life already, but it's been getting worse lately. I'm not going to get old – this disease is going to kill me, and relatively soon, too."

When his eyes widened to the size of saucers, she flinched. "And that was a horrible way to tell you. Oh, I'm sorry, Yero – I'm just not good at these things!" She sighed again, pushing her hands through her now half-long hair. "I really didn't mean to drop it on you like that. I'm sorry. But do you see now why I was acting the way I was before? I can't be together with you, no matter how badly I want to, because I don't want to hurt you even more in the long run. No matter what we start right now, it could never last. You deserve better. Better than someone green, strange, and outspoken, yes, but also better than someone who is never going to grow old with you or who is even unable to be with you for very long." She realised she was rambling and Fiyero still looked utterly shocked and frozen in place. Oz, she was so stupid sometimes.

A nurse came in then to check on the green girl. "You can get out of here soon," she told Elphaba. "The doctor just needs to look at the results of your blood test and then you can go."

Elphaba thanked the woman. She knew her blood test results wouldn't look pretty, but the doctors here at the Shiz infirmary had been informed of her condition by her father when she had started at Shiz and they knew all about it. She'd been here before after a fainting spell or a bad nosebleed, so she didn't expect any trouble.

The nurse left and then Elphaba suddenly heard a sound she desperately wished she was imagining.

Fiyero sniffled.

Oh, Oz, he _sniffled_. No. Please. _Please don't let him be crying_ , she begged in her head. _Please, please just let him have a cold or a runny nose or something_. She hated crying herself, but she also hated other people crying. It made her feel terrible and useless, because she never knew what she could do to help.

He was, of course, crying, and she awkwardly reached out to pat his hand. "It's okay."

That was probably the wrong thing to say, because he looked up with anger and disbelief in his eyes, which were red from the crying. "How can you say that?" he demanded. "It's not okay, Elphaba! You're going to die!"

"Everybody dies," she said, sounding more casual about it than she felt. "I've known this all my life, Yero. Is it easy? No, of course not. Do I wish I had longer? I don't think I even need to answer that. But there's nothing I can do about it. I've accepted it."

He lowered his gaze again. He took her hand in his, which surprised her a little, and locked their fingers together before saying quietly, "I'm so sorry, Fae."

"Don't be," she said. "You can't help it any more than I can."

He looked up at her, suddenly seeming a little scared. "Does it hurt?"

"No." She shook her head. "Well, aside from the headache," she admitted. "Almost all of my symptoms are related to the anaemia – headaches, shortness of breath, dizziness, such things. I'm almost always cold and, as you have witnessed, I can faint rather randomly; but other than that, I barely notice anything at all, mostly because of all the medication I take to suppress my symptoms."

He nodded, accepting that, although he still looked terribly unhappy. It made her want to hold him and let him cry into her shoulder, but she resisted that urge, scolding herself for being so ridiculous.

"How…" He swallowed, and she already knew his question before the words left his mouth. "How long...?"

"I don't know," she said truthfully. "It could be years… but not many years. Technically I suppose I could drop dead at any given moment," she saw him cringe and realised that had been the wrong thing to say again, so she quickly prattled on, "but that's highly unlikely, really. The disease causes me to deteriorate slowly, so I'll gradually get worse. According to my doctors, the most likely cause of death for me will be an eventual heart attack because the anaemia keeps worsening until I just don't have enough blood cells anymore."

He was full-on crying now and she, giving up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed and crouched down beside him, hugging him. She hardly ever initiated a hug, but he looked so lost and heart-broken that she felt like she had to. Her suspicions were only strengthened when he clung to her and started sobbing into her shoulder.

He calmed down after a while, but only a little, and he whispered, "Fae, I… I meant what I said that night at the party." He looked at her, fresh tears still welling up in his eyes. "I love you," he choked out. "I don't know if I could handle losing you."

"You can," she told him, brushing some of his hair away from his forehead before she caught herself, "and you will. Do you see now why we can't be together, Yero? If you react like this when we're just friends, how are you going to cope once we've been in a relationship for a while and I die?"

He shook his head, determined despite the fact that he was still crying. "We haven't been "just friends" in a long time, Fae," he said, his voice breaking. "I've been in love with you for so long already… I love you so much it hurts. And I get that you want to push people away for fear of hurting them more, but I won't let you do that. Please." He caught her hand, looking at her pleadingly. "Elphaba… I'd much rather have had a short time with you than no time at all."

She bit her lip, unwilling to give in, but she already knew he'd won. He reached up to cup her cheek and she closed her eyes for a moment, subconsciously leaning into his touch. When he gently tugged her into his lap, she didn't protest; and when he kissed her and she could taste the salt from his tears on his lips, she gave in completely and kissed him back. Her insecurities were screaming at her, but she ignored them, pushing them away, because what did it matter anymore? She didn't have much more time, but she was determined to make what time she had left worth her while. Even if he made a big joke out of her tomorrow, she'd still have this memory, the memory of how his lips felt on hers and his hands in her hair, and she wouldn't trade that for the world.

She thought of her list with renewed resolve. There were many things she still wanted to do and she was going to try her hardest to do them all. She was going to live by the thing she had been saying for a while now – she had nothing left to lose, so she might as well give her all, because it simply did not matter anymore. If there was not much more time left, then she was going to make every last happy moment last and to hell with the consequences.

And so when they broke apart after a while and he gently traced her features with his fingertips and whispered, "I love you", she merely turned her head to kiss his fingers and said quietly, but straight from her heart, "I love you, too."


	5. Visit a Place I've Never Been Before

**I would apologise for killing all your feels; but honestly, I'm not really sorry. *cackles, then quickly hides***

* * *

 **#5. Visit a Place I've Never Been Before**

* * *

 _There's only now, there's only here_

 _Give in to love or live in fear_

* * *

After what happened in the infirmary, Galinda had told Boq about Elphaba's illness. Normally, the green girl would have been livid; but now, she couldn't say she really minded. It was best that Boq knew, anyway, otherwise he'd be the only one of their group who didn't know and they'd have to watch what they were saying all the time.

He was, of course, shocked, but Elphaba was utterly relieved that he didn't seem to pity her. In fact, the only thing he did was come up to her when he saw her the next day in class and say quietly, "I'm sorry, Elphaba." She'd given him a grateful smile, not feeling much like talking or explaining, and he had understood and squeezed her arm sympathetically before moving to his own seat.

She wasn't entirely certain where she and Fiyero stood at the moment. After their kiss in the infirmary, a nurse had come in to tell her that she was allowed to leave. She'd been closely followed by Galinda, who had stayed in the waiting room while Fiyero and Elphaba talked even though Nessarose and Boq had left, and the blonde had escorted her roommate back to their own dorm building. Elphaba and Fiyero had agreed to see one another in class the next day, but the dark-haired witch knew she and Fiyero still needed to talk about what exactly was going to happen between them now. She hadn't really gotten a chance to do that today, either, since the prince had had none of his morning classes with her.

They met at _King's Corner_ , a café just off-campus, for lunch. Galinda and Nessa tried to keep up a conversation, but Fiyero kept stealing worried and sympathetic glances at Elphaba and Boq was making a point of not looking straight at the green girl until said green girl had finally had enough.

She heaved a weary sigh. "Can we stop tiptoeing around the subject and stop being awkward now?" she asked pointedly, making Nessa, who was just babbling away, falter. Galinda shot her roommate a concerned look, at which Elphaba levelled her with a glare. The glare was then directed at the Munchkin across the table, followed by the Vinkun prince next to him.

"Fabala," Nessa said carefully, "you must realise that what they found out yesterday is still new to them. You can't fault them for being a little taken aback by it."

"A little," Galinda muttered under her breath, shaking her head.

Elphaba sighed again. "I'm not," she said to her sister. "I don't hold it against them. I just wish they'd come straight out and _talk_ about it. I have no trouble talking about it," she reminded them all. "Neither should you. I know you must have a thousand questions, but I'd rather have you asking them than you continuing to look at me like I'm a ticking time-bomb about to explode any moment."

They were all quiet for a while, processing the girl's words, before Fiyero finally nodded. "Fair enough."

"I do have questions," Boq admitted. "I just don't want to come off as insensitive."

Elphaba snorted. "Seriously – do _I_ ever worry about coming off as insensitive? Ask your questions, Boq. I won't bite."

He let out a nervous laugh. "Right." He paused, obviously torn. "Um... well... I was just wondering about... I mean... when...?"

"Anything between a few weeks and a few years," Elphaba told him, not needing him to finish his question. Not many people knew, but the ones she had told had asked this question first. It was also the question she herself asked first every time something happened and the doctors said her life expectancy had changed.

Boq flushed, but nodded. "Right. Galinda and Nessa said it's a... a blood disease, you have. You were born with it, right?"

"Right."

"So you've... known your entire life?"

"I started displaying symptoms when I was four," Elphaba said. "I was diagnosed then. Basically, yes, I've been sick ever since I can remember. I've always known I wouldn't live a full life, although I've heard different doctors say different things about my life expectancy. At first, some of them said I wouldn't make it past twelve, while others said I could end up turning fifty."

Fiyero perked up at that, but she gave him a sad smile, not wanting him to get his hopes up. "That's not going to happen, Yero. They've never seen anyone else with this illness, so they weren't sure how it would progress. They've been tracking it for a long time and they have a fair idea by now of how fast it goes, which medication helps, and what is going to happen. Most of the medication I take each day is to suppress the symptoms, rather than the cause, because there is nothing that can actually cure me. Not even magic, although one or two of my doctors have tried that, too."

Fiyero bit his lip and she reached across the table to take his hand, lacing their fingers together. He looked at her, mildly surprised; but she just gave him a small smile, which he returned.

Boq asked a few other questions, which she all answered truthfully. She noticed, however, that Fiyero remained quiet. Of course he had asked some of his questions at the infirmary the day before, but she still suspected there was more to his silence than just that.

When lunch was over and they all walked back to campus together for their afternoon classes, Elphaba lingered at the back a little. As she had known he would, Fiyero came to walk beside her, looking worried. "Fae? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she assured him. She gave him a searching look. "Are you?"

He hesitated, then shrugged.

A wry smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I know that feeling."

He looked down and her smile faded. "Look, Yero... despite what happened yesterday, you don't have to do this," she said quietly. "I mean... you told me you wanted more, but if you think it's going to be too hard on you..."

"No!" He looked horrified. "It's going to be hard on me – obviously. I know that. But it's going to be hard on me, no matter what, and that doesn't mean I don't want to... Oz, Fae, I told you – I love you. That's not what I was thinking at all."

"Then what were you thinking about?" she asked him and he sighed.

"I don't know," he admitted. "It's just... a lot to take in."

She nodded and he added, lowering his gaze, "And I'll admit that it hurt a little... that you didn't tell me before."

She understood then. "I wanted to," she said. "Or... a part of me did, anyway. But you know me – I didn't want you to look at me a different way. Galinda knows because I couldn't hide my medication from her, but I have always kept the amount of people who know to a bare minimum. I don't want anyone to pity me and I don't want to worry or hurt anyone. I'd hate for you to be scared of me dying all the time and I know you will be, now that you know about it all."

"That's not true," he protested, but she just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't lie, Yero," she chided him. "I'd make you promise me right now to not hover or go crazy with worry whenever something happens, especially since things _will_ happen, but I know you won't be able to keep such a promise, anyway."

He grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck. He knew her, but she knew him well, too. "What... what kind of things?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Like I told you at the hospital," she said. "Dizziness. More fainting spells. I might not be able to come to class on some days, probably not at all anymore near the end, and I'll probably have nosebleeds. My gums could start bleeding, too. It's not so bad, really, but it won't be pretty to look at."

He reached for her, but stopped himself, clearly still hesitant about the way he could treat her now, so she settled that problem for him by moving closer to him and wrapping her arm around his waist, her head falling against his shoulder. He instantly put his own arm around her and dropped a kiss to the top of her head, which made her smile a little.

"So... what are we now?" she asked uncertainly as they were nearing the Shiz University buildings. "Are we going to do the boyfriend-and-girlfriend thing?"

He chuckled. "If it were up to me, yes," he replied, resting his cheek against her hair. "What do you say, Fae?"

"I say you're crazy," she said bluntly, which made him tense for a moment, but she squeezed his waist reassuringly. "I still don't understand why you would love me, of all people, Yero, but I'm glad you do. I don't really care what we'll be, but I'd like for us to be together."

She could hear his grin in his voice. "I think I made it clear already that I want that, too. Let's "do the boyfriend-and-girlfriend thing", then, as you so eloquently put it."

She grinned up at him and he planted a kiss on her lips before reluctantly pulling away. "This is your stop. I have to get to my Politics class."

They didn't get another chance to talk the rest of the day, but that was all right, Fiyero told himself. They still had time. He hoped they did, anyway.

* * *

The next few weeks proved that he hadn't needed to worry. Elphaba was still feeling all right and she and Fiyero talked a lot about things, mostly about their relationship, her illness, and what the latter meant for the former. She was very firm in stating that she needed to know beforehand that he would be okay after she died or she wouldn't start this in the first place; and even though Fiyero didn't feel like he could promise such a thing, he did, because he didn't want her to walk away from this without even giving it a chance.

He recognised that she was trying to be open with him about her feelings, which made it easier for both of them to settle into their relationship, and they'd quickly grown to be even closer than they had been before. He suspected it was because she knew she didn't have that much time left and she didn't want to waste any of that time, but he was a little afraid to ask.

He came to her a few days later when she was in the library with Nessarose, studying.

"Fae," he said, sitting down in a chair next to her and looking at her. "I have a proposal for you."

She blinked at him for a moment. "I'm not marrying you, so don't even think about going down on one knee," she warned him, which made him chuckle slightly.

"It's not that." He took a deep breath. "I... I realise that, given the... well, the circumstances... your family will probably want to spend as much time with you as possible." He met her gaze. "But... I'd really love for you to come to the Vinkus with me for Lurlinemas."

She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "Let me finish, Fae, please. I know... I know I won't be able to introduce you to my parents as my future wife." His voice broke, but he didn't cry. "But I do want them to meet you. I want them to meet the girl who changed me, who turned my whole life upside down... the girl who means more to me than anyone or anything else. Like it or not, Elphaba, you're the most important thing in my life right now and I want them to know you. I want to show you my home, the place where I grew up, and I want to spend as much time with you as I can."

Nessarose was biting her lip. "Fiyero..."

"I know, Nessa," he said gently. "I know you must want her at home, and I can understand that..."

Elphaba snorted before he could finish. "Yero, Father doesn't give a damn about having me home for Lurlinemas. He's just glad that I'm away from home right now so he won't have to watch me die – and that is the truth, Nessa, don't bother denying it."

The wheelchair-bound girl, who had been about to come to their father's defence, sighed and her shoulders drooped. "You're right, Fabala. But you must understand it's just too painful for him to see his daughter slowly deteriorate."

Elphaba highly doubted that – well, she doubted that it was _just_ that – but she didn't want to get into an argument over that with her sister. "You can miss me for a few weeks, can't you, Nessa?"

Nessarose fidgeted, biting her lip again. "I can," she said quietly. "But you have to promise me one thing."

Elphaba understood immediately and she bent down to hug her little sister tightly. "Of course I'll come back, Nessie," she promised. "Come on – I'm not doing that badly yet. I'll be back after Lurlinemas, I promise. It's only two weeks, you know. I'm not going to die that soon. If only because I still have a lot of items left on my list."

Nessa chuckled weakly at that and Elphaba let go of her, smiling down at the younger girl for a moment before turning to face her boyfriend.

"Well," she said, grinning at him. "It looks like you're stuck with me for Lurlinemas, Master Tiggular."

Not caring about the fact that they were in a library, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her a little more enthusiastically than was probably appropriate. He rested his forehead against hers, smiling when he saw the look in her eyes. "I can't wait, Miss Thropp."

* * *

 **Reviews make me happy!**


	6. Play in the Snow

**#6. Play in the Snow**

* * *

 _There's only us, there's only this_

 _Forget regret or life is yours to miss_

* * *

Elphaba was rudely awakened one morning on the first day of Lurlinemas break by her bubbly blonde roommate's squeals, which seemed to be echoing all around the room and inside her head. "Elphie! Oh my Oz, Elphie, wake up! Wake _up_! Elphie, it's snowing! There's snow! We need to tick another item off your list!"

The dark-haired girl groaned, burying her head underneath her pillow, but Galinda would have none of that. She grabbed her roommate's arm and tugged at it. "Get up, Elphie! Come on!"

Elphaba moaned again, but did allow the blonde girl to pull her up. Rubbing her eyes, she mumbled, "What time is it?"

"Does it matter?" Galinda asked pointedly. "It's not _that_ early."

"Galinda," Elphaba grunted as she checked the time, "it's half past seven in the morning. On a _Saturday_. I know I usually like to get up early on weekdays, but this is ridiculous."

"I'm never up so early, am I? But I woke up a little before seven because I had to pee and then I saw it was snowing and... oh, Elphie, it's wonderful! Come, let's go out! Please?"

Elphaba sighed and pushed herself out of bed. "I have to eat first. Because of -"

"Your medication. I know. I took care of it." Galinda dangled a paper bag in front of her roommate. She knew Elphaba always needed to take her medication with food when she got up in the morning, so she'd run to the cafeteria and wheedled the cook into fixing her a bagel and a cup of tea, which she had brought back for her friend.

Elphaba moved over to the window. When she saw the white, fluffy snowflakes falling from the sky, her sleepiness seemed to disappear at once and she watched in awe for a while before turning around. "Okay, I'm convinced. Just let me get dressed first."

Galinda waited as her friend put on some warm clothes. The green girl brought her breakfast outside with her, complaining on their way down the stairs about missing her cup of morning coffee. She'd always been so fond of coffee, especially in the mornings, that she'd had a bit of trouble not drinking it now – she'd tried it once despite her doctor's warnings, but she had then learned the hard way that, in combination with her new medication, the stuff made her extremely nauseous.

By the time they were outside, Elphaba had finished her breakfast and she just stood there for a while, her head tilted back, feeling the snowflakes land on her face as they drifted down from the sky. It was still dark outside at this time during the winter, but there were plenty of lanterns lit along the paths of the Shiz University campus, so they had no trouble seeing anything. Feeling giddy, Elphaba bent down to mash some snow together and threw the snowball at Galinda, who shrieked when it hit the back of her head and sank down her neck into her coat.

The blonde squirmed dramatically. "Elphie! That was mean!"

Elphaba cackled, only to be cut off when a snowball hit her in the face. Narrowing her eyes, she gathered more snow again and the girls spent the next while running after one another, trying to hit each other with snowballs and shrieking with laughter. Unfortunately, they couldn't go on for very long because the lack of oxygen in Elphaba's blood made her short of breath soon and she had to sit on a bench for a while, gasping a little as she tried to catch her breath, but she thought it was absolutely worth it.

They built a snowman after that and it was well past nine o'clock by the time they made their way over to the cafeteria for proper breakfast. Boq, Fiyero, and Nessarose were already there and all three of them looked bewildered when they saw Elphaba and Galinda, whose coats and hair were still covered in snow.

"What happened?" Boq asked, alarmed, but Galinda just giggled.

"We had a snowball fight," she told the Munchkin. "Elphaba had never really experienced snow before, so we thought it would be a good thing to put on her list."

"You've mentioned that list before," Boq noted. "What kind of list is that?"

Elphaba and Galinda exchanged a look, both of them knowing this would upset Fiyero. "It's a... a list of things I still want to do," Elphaba said, faltering a little. She didn't meet Fiyero's gaze. "You know. Before I... die."

As she had thought he would, he visibly flinched at that and she put her hand on his arm. Normally, his reaction would annoy her – the fact that he was so worried about her and hated to be reminded of the fact that she was going to die would grate on her nerves... but she had to keep in mind that he needed time to process it properly. She'd had that time. So had Nessa. Even Galinda had had a year, although she knew her roommate still struggled with the knowledge of her friend's illness sometimes. Fiyero, however, had only known for a short while and she needed to give him more time to adjust to the idea.

"What's on the list?" Boq asked in interest. "Experiencing snow?"

Elphaba nodded. "Among other things. There aren't any huge things on there," she explained. "I'm not going to undertake any illegal or dangerous activities just because it might be my last chance to do them – that isn't me. I wanted to keep this list about me and the things I value in life. The things that make me happy, which mostly means simple things. Go stargazing, play in the snow, read a particular book, get a make-over – things like that."

Nessa smiled. "I still think it's a wonderful idea."

Throughout breakfast and as they walked outside afterwards, Elphaba could tell that Fiyero was thinking about her impending death again. He was once again quiet and he looked sad. She stopped him at some point, taking his hands in her own and looking up at him, letting the others move ahead of them.

"Yero," she said. "I know this is hard, and I understand, but I need you to snap out of it. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you at first. I don't want you to spend the rest of my life worrying about when and how I'm going to die, okay? For now, I'm not going anywhere, and this – you being concerned about me and feeling sad all the time – is not how you will want to remember your final time with me, is it?"

He shook his head wordlessly and she reached up to kiss him, winding her arms around his neck. "Then let's make it happy," she told him, looking into his eyes. She smiled a little. "I know _I_ 'm happy when I'm with you," she admitted candidly. She could tell he was surprised at that, but he seemed to realise why she was doing this – being more open about her feelings. It was for the same reason she was doing everything these days.

"Nothing left to lose?" he asked knowingly and she nodded, confirming what he was thinking. He smiled gently at her, tucking a lock of raven hair behind her ear. "Thank you for doing that. Letting me in, I mean," he clarified. "I know how hard that must be for you, even if you're right and you have nothing left to lose... but I promise I won't let you down."

She leaned into him. "I love you," she murmured and he softly kissed her again.

"I love you, too, Fae."

Under any other circumstances, he would have been right and she would have had a _lot_ of trouble letting him in. She wasn't a very trusting person after having been ridiculed her whole life long and she was always convinced that even her friends were going to ridicule her, too. No-one but Nessa had ever told her that they loved her, before Shiz – Nessa and perhaps their mother, but Elphaba did not remember that.

However, Galinda's reaction to finding out about her illness had helped her get over a lot of those issues, because the blonde had ever since insisted on making it as clear as possible to Elphaba how she felt about her, constantly hugging her and telling her that she loved her, that she was a great friend, and that she was like the sister Galinda had never had but always wanted. Elphaba sometimes thought her roommate was overdoing it a little, but she recognised now that it did make it easier for her to accept that maybe Fiyero loved her, too.

On top of that, she and Fiyero had been friends for a while already by now and they'd been close. They used to study together a lot, because he always asked her to help him, and they'd often talked about all kinds of things. It was comforting to know that even despite all this new territory – him telling her he loved her and kissing, mostly – not all that much had really changed in their relationship. They still studied and talked together, he still worried about her (he always worried about everyone, which was annoying but also sort of sweet), and they still had fun and laughed together. That, too, helped her accept all these new developments more readily now.

She smiled widely at him and bent down, pretending to fidget with the laces of her boots as she packed some snow between her gloves. She straightened and met Fiyero's gaze, continuing to smile innocently at him as she slipped her arms around his neck again and dumped the snow down the back of his shirt.

He gave a surprised shout, yelping and jumping and dancing around as she doubled over with laughter, cackling until she was breathless. He tackled her then, causing them both to fall on top of one another in the snow, and he kissed her and gathered her up in his arms. He cast a quick glance around them, but when he saw that there weren't any other students nearby – aside from Galinda, Nessarose, and Boq, who were making another snowman some distance away – he kissed her again, this time deepening the kiss. Feeling her relax and kiss him back, he ran his fingers through her hair, loving the feel of her lips on his and her warm weight against him. She sighed softly and he pulled away, stroking her cheek. "You okay?"

She rolled her eyes at him, although she _was_ a little breathless. "It's not like kissing can get me so starved for oxygen that it kills me, Fiyero," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She tilted her head a little to the side, suddenly curious. "Or can it? I wouldn't know, actually." She gave him a wicked grin. "I wouldn't really mind testing that theory, either."

He frowned at her, unhappy again. "That's not funny, Fae," he said flatly.

She sighed, placing her palms flat against his chest. "Yero, I told you before – it's going to happen, one way or another; and honestly, I prefer making light of it over being sad about it all the time. Before, I tried to ignore it," she confessed. "I tried to pretend it wasn't going to happen. It didn't matter, back then, because I was alone, anyway, and I thought I always would be. I never imagined I would one day have friends," she cast a fond look at her three friends still playing in the snow, just visible from here, "let alone a boyfriend, and now... now I just want to make the most of what time I have with you." She looked into his eyes. "Like I said, I want our time together to be happy," she said softly. "I don't want my illness looming over our heads all the time, because it's ruined my life enough already as it is. So yes, I'm going to joke about it and I'm going to ignore it whenever I can while I try to experience as many good times as I still can before it's too late. Okay?"

"Okay," he said softly, understanding where she was coming from. He bent down to kiss her again. "I really do love you, you know," he mumbled against her lips. "You're amazing. I thought so before, but now, knowing what I know... you're so brave, Fae, and so strong, and I love you so much."

"Oh, great," she said sarcastically, trying to hide the fact that his words actually touched her. "Make me cry. Then I can tick that off my list, too."

He laughed softly and kissed her again.

* * *

Elphaba had hardly ever been outside of Munchkinland before she came to Shiz; and ever since she had come to Shiz, she hadn't been anywhere else. Her father didn't like to travel and although it was necessary for his job as the governor sometimes, she couldn't remember him ever having travelled somewhere just for fun. By now, Elphaba knew quite a lot about the other provinces of Oz – she'd read books and seen pictures of all of them – but she had never actually _been_ to any of the other provinces.

Until now.

The Vinkus was every bit as she had imagined it would be. The grasslands, the mountains, the villages... she loved it. Here, just like in Gillikin, the ground was covered with a blanket of snow and she was pressing her nose to the window like an over-excited child, but she couldn't help it. Fiyero didn't mind, anyway – he thought it was adorable. Not that he would ever say that out loud.

During the carriage ride, she asked him what must be a thousand questions about his homeland. Some facts, like how many people lived there or what the climate was like; but since she knew most of those facts already from her books, she mostly asked him about his own experiences. Had he visited other places in the province often whilst growing up? Did he know the whole Vinkus? What was his favourite place in the province? Had he ever brought any other girlfriends here?

He answered them all, truthfully and patiently (yes, many other places; yes, he pretty much knew the entire Vinkus; his favourite place was the Thousand Year Grasslands; and no, he had never brought a girl here, just a male friend once whom he had met at university in the Emerald City before he was kicked out of that one, and why was she asking because if she was being insecure again, he was going to have to kiss her silly to convince her how much he loved her). She glanced at him, her dark eyes sparkling, and he couldn't help grinning back at her.

Since Adurin Iir was situated in a valley between some hills, it was visible from above as the carriage rounded the valley to approach the castle from the other side. The moment she laid eyes on it, Elphaba sucked in a breath, eyes wide. "That... _that_ is your home?!"

His grin widened. "Yep."

"Fiyero... every single building of Shiz University would fit in that castle."

"Probably, yes."

She gaped at the castle and then back at him. "Sweet Oz... how did you not get lost in there as a kid?" she demanded, but at his sheepish look, she laughed. "Of course you did get lost."

"At least once every month or so," he confirmed cheerfully. "I was rather keen on exploring every hidden part of the castle, but of course I could never find my way back. We only live in one part of the castle, though – it's just the three of us, so we don't need that much space. Parts of Adurin Iir are open to the public for tours and art expositions. Our servants and their families have their own quarters in the castle, too, and we have a bunch of guest rooms for any officials or friends who come to visit."

It was still a few hours to the castle from up here. They had left Shiz early that morning and they had mostly spent their time talking about a variety of things – from relatively light topics like their midterms and their impending holiday in the Vinkus to heavier things like Elphaba's illness, since Fiyero seemed to always have more questions about that. She'd been reading, too, and of course they had kissed quite a lot in the privacy of the carriage. Now, however, she just sighed and snuggled up against him with her head on his shoulder. He knew that she was usually a light and fitful sleeper, so it worried him a little when she seemed to nod off almost immediately. He tried to tell himself that she must just be tired from the long carriage ride, but he knew it was more than that. Galinda had told him before that her roommate had been sleeping more and more lately; it meant her illness was getting worse, but he tried not to think about that.

It was harder than he could ever explain, to know that she would most likely not be here anymore next year or the year after that. He was torn between wanting to keep his distance from her, to make losing her easier on him, on the one hand; and throwing himself into this relationship completely to experience whatever he still could with her on the other hand. He was going with the latter now and he loved it – he loved spending time with her and they were happy, most of the time; but not an hour went by when he did not think of the fact that she was going to be gone soon.

They had had endless conversations about it, just like she had had with Galinda, as she'd told him. She explained her relationship with her family, especially her father, and it made more sense now. Before, he'd been shocked when he had heard about the way Frexspar treated his eldest daughter; but in a twisted way, he could understand the man not wanting to get close to her for fear of getting hurt when he lost her, especially after the way he had already lost his wife. With Nessa, it was much the same, although she was still closer to Elphaba than Frex was, mainly because she didn't feel as strongly about her sister's green skin.

It must have changed the way she lived her life and the way she viewed the world, he mused, perhaps even more so than her skin colour had. He absently stroked her hair, letting the thick strands run through his fingers as he watched her sleep. He knew her childhood had been difficult. She'd told him about all of that at some point during their friendship, of course after a lot of pushing from his side. As far as he knew, only Galinda and Nessarose knew those things about her and he had been incredibly touched and honoured that she'd apparently trusted him enough to tell him, too (because he knew that if she really hadn't wanted to tell him, she wouldn't have done so, regardless of how hard he pushed her).

He liked to think he knew her well. He really thought he did. They had been pretty close friends before; she had opened up to him about things she hadn't told many people about before and he had done the same in return, confiding in her about the downsides of growing up as a prince in a gigantic castle because he knew she'd understand. Them being in a relationship now didn't change that because they weren't _just_ in a relationship together – she was also still his best friend and he hoped he still was hers (along with Galinda, of course). It felt natural to be together with her like this now, as if that was something that they had always subconsciously known would happen. A logical next step.

He was trying his hardest to deal with the situation well, but the truth was that he was mainly just pushing it away. He didn't allow himself to dwell on it for too long because he knew it would drive him crazy. No matter what, he wanted to be there for Elphaba, to help her through her last months or years and to make them unforgettable.


	7. Watch a Sunrise

**I think I mentioned this before, but the quotes at the beginning of each chapter are from songs from the musical RENT. I strongly recommend watching it... maybe listening to the songs as you read this story. (Or maybe not - that depends on whether you like to cry or not, but I will tip you off on certain songs to listen to during or after chapters for the maximum feels experience. :P)**

* * *

 **#7. Watch a Sunrise**

* * *

 _With a thousand sweet kisses_

 _I'll cover you_

* * *

Queen Eleonora of the Vinkus had been surprised, to say the least, upon reading her son's letter.

Not because he was dating Elphaba. She'd been seeing that coming for a long time already and she was glad to hear it; it had been a while since she had seen her son as serious about anything as he had been about the green girl for the past year or so. She wasn't even surprised about the fact that he was bringing Elphaba home for Lurlinemas, although she and her husband were definitely delighted about it. They'd been wanting to meet her ever since Fiyero had first told them about her.

What they _were_ surprised about, however, was the fact that Elphaba was, according to Fiyero's letter, dying.

She didn't look like it, was Lori's first thought when the door to the sitting room opened and Fiyero came in, closely followed by Elphaba. The queen wasn't entirely sure what she had expected, but Elphaba looked fairly healthy, if a little tired; and her smile, albeit slightly nervous, was genuine when Fiyero led her over to his parents and she dipped into a curtsey. "Your Majesties."

Hamold instantly waved her away. "Oh, none of that nonsense, Elphaba," he said gently. He rose to his feet and offered her his hand. "I'm Hamold. This is my wife, Lori."

"It's a pleasure, Elphaba," Fiyero's mother said graciously. Elphaba already held out her hand, but Lori pulled her into a hug, which made Elphaba stiffen a little while Fiyero tried to smother laughter behind them.

Lori let go and smiled at the green girl before turning to hug her son as well. "Yero. It's good to have you home again." She motioned to the couch. "Sit down, I'll have some hot drinks brought up. Coffee?"

Fiyero nodded, but Elphaba shook her head a little hesitantly. "No, thank you," she declined politely.

"Tea, then?" Lori offered instead, earning herself a grateful smile from the girl. She rang for a servant and once he had left again, she sat down on the couch opposite where Elphaba and Fiyero were sitting. "You don't like coffee, Elphaba?"

"Oh, I do," the young witch said. "Very much. But since I got some new medication from my doctor in Munchkinland last summer, coffee makes me nauseous – just like peanuts, apple juice, and most dairy products, for some reason." She shrugged. "I'd just rather not take the risk."

Lori nodded, although she was a little startled. She wasn't sure how to breach the subject of this girl's illness in any case, but now that Elphaba had brought it up herself, she decided she might as well try to find out more. "Do you have to take a lot of medication?"

"A couple of pills, three times a day," Elphaba replied. "I also have to inject myself with a special kind of medicine each night and I have to get regular check-ups with the doctors in Munchkinland or at Shiz – they all know about my condition and they're keeping an eye on me." She folded her hands in her lap. "I'm not entirely sure what Fiyero has told you about me, but I do understand you must have questions and I just want you to know that you can ask whatever you want," she assured them, meeting first Lori's gaze and then Hamold's. "It's not nothing, after all, and I don't mind talking about it. Unlike Fiyero," she added with a sideway glance at her boyfriend, "even though of course I can understand why."

He did, indeed, have that sad look on his face again and she poked his side in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Don't sulk, Yero. It's not becoming for a prince to sulk."

He glared at her. She smirked back at him and he rolled his eyes, putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing softly.

Lori and Hamold exchanged a look and Hamold said, "Well, as many questions as we do have, Elphaba, I think they can wait. You've had a long journey – you must both be tired. Let's stick to lighter topics now and save the heavy ones for later, shall we?"

Fiyero agreed, relieved; and Hamold started asking Elphaba questions about her experiences at Shiz University, her background, and her interests. Soon the two of them were lost in some discussion about politics and Animal rights – which, in the prince's opinion, didn't really count as "lighter topics".

He huffed a laugh, sipping his coffee. "I should have known this would happen the moment Dad and Elphaba had their first conversation," he muttered with a fond smile on his face.

Lori smiled, too, but then looked serious again. "Yero?"

He looked at her and when he saw the look on her face, he sighed and put his cup down. "I know what you're going to say, Mum," he said quietly. "And believe me, I've said everything you want to say to myself a thousand times already. I know it might not be smart to do this now, but… the fact that I found out she's ill and she doesn't have that long… it doesn't change that much for me. Of course it does change things, but I've been in love with her for a long time already," he admitted. "You know that. It's hard, knowing that we'll never have a future together. She tried to protect me from that – she tried to push me away – but I'll tell you now what I told her back then: I'd rather have as much time as I can with her than no time at all."

"You're pushing it away," his mother pointed out and he shrugged.

"Probably," he said. "But I still mean it. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't give this a try, Mum. Not after feeling that way about her for so long already, knowing she loves me back… I can't give up on her now, no matter what."

Lori touched his arm. "Fiyero, I'm proud of you," she said quietly. "And don't get me wrong – she seems like a lovely girl and your father and I are both glad to see you settle down, to see you so serious about someone… but we're a little worried that it'll all come crashing down on you once… well… you know. We just don't want you to get hurt."

He squeezed her hand. "I know. But I will," he said matter-of-factly. "I'd have gotten hurt if we'd stayed just friends, too. I promised her I'd be okay, though – she was willing to do this only under the condition that I could promise her I won't break down completely when she… dies." He swallowed. "That I would move on."

The queen's face softened and she smiled at her son a little sadly. "We're here for you, Yero. Both of you. I hope you know that."

He smiled back at her. "I do. Thanks, Mum."

* * *

Lurlinemas rolled around not long thereafter and between the decorations, presents, music, and food, they all felt happy and carefree despite themselves. Elphaba was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of being part of a family for what felt like the first time in her life, while Fiyero mostly just enjoyed watching her enjoy herself. They played in the snow, read together in front of the fireplace, and talked about all kinds of things. Both his parents liked Elphaba very much and the prince was happy to see that they got along so well.

One morning, when Fiyero was getting dressed in the bathroom and Elphaba was in his bedroom waiting for him, she moved out onto his balcony and looked out over the land below. "You're facing the east here," she noted, smiling at the view of the Thousand Year Grasslands she had from here. "It's beautiful." Her own room was a few doors down across the hallway, meaning her balcony faced the courtyard and gardens of Adurin Iir. That was a beautiful sight as well, but she loved the raw beauty of the nature here in the Vinkus. It was so different from Munchkinland; but then again, she'd never had a particular fondness for her home province.

Fiyero appeared, only dressed in his trousers and towel-drying his hair. "Yeah, it's pretty awesome." He joined her on the balcony, starting to point out things in the distance to her – the forest where he'd often gone hunting with his dad, the villages scattered across the hills – but she was too distracted by his bare chest to really listen, no matter how interesting she found his stories about his home province. After a while, he trailed off, frowning a little. "Am I boring you?"

"What?" She blinked, startled, and met his gaze.

His eyes were twinkling with amusement. "If I rant too much about things you don't care about, just tell me," he said teasingly and she flushed.

"Oh, no, it's not that. I was just... um... distracted." She flushed an even brighter shade of red. Oz, she could only imagine how _great_ this would look with her green skin. Just wonderful. "Your, um... your diamonds."

He looked confused for a moment, but then followed her gaze and realised she was talking about the tattoos on his chest. He laughed a little awkwardly. "Oh. Those. Everyone in the royal family has them," he explained. "Most people think they're ugly – it's a tribal tradition and people don't tend to be very understanding towards heathen customs." He tried to say it jokingly, but she recognised the tone of his voice and she tentatively reached out to trace one with the tips of her fingers.

"I think they're beautiful," she blurted out, before cringing and only barely managing to resist the urge to cover her mouth with her hands. Ugh, she was so stupid sometimes. The words were out now, but she wanted to kick herself for them.

The way Fiyero's face lit up, however, was completely worth her embarrassment. "Really?"

She nodded, biting her lip, and touched another one. He inhaled sharply and she pulled away. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay." He chuckled throatily. "Um... let's go inside, shall we? It's a little, um... hot. I mean, cold. Out here. Outside. In winter. Without a shirt." He stumbled over his words.

She flushed again, retreating a few steps. "Oh. Yes. Right."

He grimaced at the awkwardness, moving back inside and quickly hurrying into the bathroom to put away the towel and put on his shirt. When he returned to his bedroom, Elphaba had come back inside as well and was sitting on the edge of his bed. Was it his imagination or did she almost look... disappointed... when she saw him?

Upon seeing his questioning look, she explained sheepishly, "It's just a shame to see them covered. The diamonds, I mean."

He grinned, moving closer to her. "Are you saying you like me better without a shirt?"

She blushed again. It was an interesting look on her – since she still had red blood like anyone else, her blush should have looked normal; but the red mixing with the green tone of her skin made her cheeks look almost a shade of purple. She was pretty when she blushed.

Saving her from the embarrassment, he held out his hand and pulled her to her feet, brushing a kiss against her lips and keeping their hands entwined as he led her out of the room. "Come on, let's go for a walk. Oh, wait!" He stopped, looking up. "Mistletoe!"

Elphaba narrowed her eyes at him. "There wasn't any mistletoe in the hallway outside your room before," she pointed out.

He grinned. "There wasn't?"

She rolled her eyes, even as a grin was tugging at the corners of her own mouth. "Seriously, Yero? Somehow mistletoe seems to be appearing everywhere in the castle ever since I came here, even though Lurlinemas is already over. You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

"Of course not!" he protested.

She just laughed and leaned up to kiss him. "I'm your girlfriend," she pointed out. "You don't need mistletoe as an excuse to kiss me."

His face lit up. "That's true, isn't it?" He swept her into his arms and kissed her again, deepening the kiss this time, which made her sigh happily. When they broke apart, however, he frowned a little. "Did I bite you?"

She chortled. " _What_?!"

"I taste blood." He ran his tongue along his teeth. "Or did you bite me?"

"Oh. No. Sorry." She probed her gums with her tongue and grimaced. "Bleeding gums. I told you that might happen. I'm really sorry - this is gross."

"Don't worry about it." He didn't really know what to say to that, just like every time he was confronted with her illness. "Um... what do we do? Do you need anything?" He was trying not to panic and to stay calm, which she must have noticed, because she squeezed his arm gratefully.

"I'll just go get some pieces of gauze from my room," she said. "It's not that bad. I mean, the taste is awful, but it usually stops on its own after a while."

He nodded. "Right." He followed her to her room and watched as she placed the gauze in her mouth, put on her coat and stuffed some more gauze into her pocket.

"Let's go for that walk," she said, slurring a little because of the gauze in her mouth.

He knew better by now than to ask if she was sure, so he simply nodded again and led her out of the room, in the direction of the gardens.

* * *

The next morning, he awoke extremely early and slipped out of his room and across the hallway into Elphaba's. She was curled up on her side, fast asleep. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should wake her; but then he remembered what she'd told him so many times about wanting her life to be as normal as possible, and about the list, and he pushed through. He crouched beside the bed, gently stroking her cheek. "Fae?"

She stirred and then blinked, slowly, her brow furrowing in confusion when she saw him. "Fiyero?" She yawned. "What time is it? Is the castle on fire? I swear, if you woke me just to make out, I'll hex you all the way back to Shiz."

He chuckled. "No." He ran his hand over her hair and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I know it's ridiculously early, but I have something to show you."

She grumbled as she sat up. He had to smile at the picture she made, with her hair all tangled and looking more sleepy than he had ever seen her. When she saw his grin, she punched his arm and then got up. "Are we going outside?"

"Not really. Here." He handed her a pair of thick socks and a woollen cardigan from her closet, which she put on. She followed him out of her room and into his again. It was still dark outside, but through the windows in the balcony doors, she could see the sky in the east starting to colour a pinkish shade of grey and she held her breath, turning to him.

He quirked a smile at her. "Watching a sunrise, right?"

"Right," she agreed, a wide grin spreading across her face before she launched herself across the room and into his arms, hugging him tightly. "I love you."

He chuckled, stroking her hair and pressing a kiss to it. "I love you, too, hon. Come." He took her hand, pulled an extra blanket from his wardrobe, and led her out onto the balcony. He sat down on the wooden bench there and held out his arm. She snuggled up against his side, his arm wrapping easily around her waist, and he draped the blanket around the both of them so that they were cocooned in it.

She relished in the warmth of his embrace. She'd always been thin and got cold easily, but it had been getting even worse lately and so she made sure to cherish every bit of heat she could find. Fiyero, she had found since they had gotten together, usually made for quite the nice heat source and since he'd told her many times already that he loved having her close, she didn't hesitate to make use of that fact whenever she could.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked and she nodded against his shoulder. He tightened his grip on her and together, they watched as the sun slowly rose above the Thousand Year Grasslands in an explosion of red, pink, orange, yellow, and gold.

* * *

 **By giving the review button some love, you'll also be giving me some love, as well as Elphaba! ^_^**


	8. Make Love

**Once again, thank you all so much for the reviews! It means the world to me to know that you're reading (and liking) my story. :)**

 **I suppose I should warn you guys about this chapter - as you know, I never write anything explicit, but there is some implied pie-eating near the end (as you probably could have guessed from the chapter title, haha).**

* * *

 **#8. Make Love**

* * *

 _Without you the earth turns_

 _The sun burns_

 _But I die without you_

* * *

They'd stayed like that for a long time, watching the sunrise from Fiyero's balcony; and Elphaba had eventually drifted off against his shoulder, after which he'd scooped her up in his arms and carried her back inside. He tucked her into his own bed and then went downstairs to find something to eat and bring her up something as well.

After she awoke again, they spent the rest of the day with his parents. Elphaba had to really like them, he thought, since she seemed to be more chatty and open with them than he had ever seen her with anyone she'd only known for such a short time. He had to admit, though, that his parents _were_ pretty awesome. His father could have endless discussions with Elphaba about politics or books, while his mother seemed genuinely interested in her life, thoughts, feelings, and opinions about a lot of things. They both tried their best to make her feel welcome – they even procrastinated their royal duties so that they could spend more time with their son and his girlfriend, getting to know her, going for walks, and playing board games in the library. Fiyero knew that Elphaba had never really felt like part of a family before and so when she confessed to him at some point that she felt like she was finally getting the family time she'd never had with her own parents, he beamed at her, happy that his family had managed to make her feel that way.

"Then you can cross that off your list as well," he teased, slipping his arm around her shoulders.

"I've already ticked off a lot of things," she admitted. "So many things have been going on in general these past few months... Even things I never expected would ever happen to me – things like kissing my boyfriend under the mistletoe or at midnight on New Year's Eve," she said, smirking a little. "Or, well... having a boyfriend to kiss in the first place."

He chuckled and kissed her gently. "Can I see your list?"

"Later," she promised him, turning back to Hamold, who was sitting opposite her and had been watching the couple with a twinkle in his blue eyes. "Right now, I have to finish beating your father at a game of chess."

Fiyero rolled his eyes. "Of course you do."

He and Lori watched for a while as the king and the young witch each tried to win the game, moving their pieces across the board. Fiyero's father had taught him how to play chess when he was younger, but he'd never been very good at it and he was amazed at the way both Hamold and Elphaba kept finding ways to turn the tables. They were both skilled players and it was an exciting game, even just to watch.

"Ha!" Hamold said triumphantly, moving one of the pieces. "Check!"

Fiyero snorted. "Knowing Elphaba, not for long," he said to his father. "She's probably going to strike back soon enough, right, Fae?" Elphaba said nothing and he turned to her, unnerved by her silence. "Fae?"

She shook her head, looking pale, and she closed her eyes for a moment. "I think I'm going to –" she began, but before she could finish her sentence, she'd already fainted. Fiyero wrapped his arms around her just when she was threatening to topple off her chair and he lifted her, gently placing her on the couch and trying to suppress his panic.

"Yero?" Hamold asked sharply, but his son shook his head.

"Mum, hand me that blanket, please?" he asked and Lori quickly grabbed the blanket that was draped over one of the arm chairs, handing it to her son. He wrapped it around Elphaba and stroked her hair, noticing how clammy her forehead felt. "And maybe we should call the doctor," he added anxiously.

Lori nodded, surprisingly calm. "I'm on it." She hurried out of the room, leaving Hamold to stare at the unconscious green girl, baffled.

Fiyero looked up and met his father's gaze and Hamold asked, his voice shaking a little, "Has this happened before?"

"Only once with me there," Fiyero admitted. "I'm not entirely sure what to do. She said this could happen, that it's normal in her condition, but I'm not sure if I should do anything or what she needs, or even how long she'll be out. It's because the disease is in her blood, it's... she explained it to me once. I think it was just her blood pressure suddenly dropping, causing her to pass out, or something like that." He swallowed, but his mouth was still dry.

The king, seeing how scared his son was, gently placed his hand on Fiyero's shoulder. "She'll be fine, son."

Fiyero sighed. "I know she will be," he muttered, hugging himself. "For now. This time. But..."

He didn't finish, but he knew his father didn't need him to. Lori was right – he _was_ pushing away his feelings about what was happening to Elphaba because it was easier and because he wanted to be there for her, but it was getting more and more difficult to keep doing so when there were more outward manifestations of her illness every day. He wasn't sure how much time she had left, but he knew that sooner or later, he would have to face the fact that she was dying.

Her eyelids fluttered and he turned his head so quickly he nearly cricked his neck. She opened her eyes and then squeezed them shut again, wincing visibly against the light.

He took her hand in his. "Elphaba?"

"Still here," she mumbled, bringing up her free hand to massage her temple. "How long was I out?"

"Not long," he said. "A few minutes at most. Mum is getting the doctor."

"I'm fine," she grumbled, but she was slurring a little and she didn't look fine, either, so Fiyero didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, he stayed by her side, rubbing circles on her knuckles with his thumb, until his mother returned with the royal doctor.

Fiyero quickly explained the green girl's condition and the doctor examined her. "She seems to be doing fine now," he assured them all. He looked at Elphaba. "Do you have any medication for that headache?"

She nodded, still flinching a little against the light. "It's in my room. Blue bottle," she said and Fiyero quickly dashed off to get it.

The doctor smiled at her. "You should get a check-up once you're back at Shiz," he told her, "with the doctors who know all about your condition; but otherwise you seem okay."

She nodded again. "This has happened before."

"Thank you," Hamold said to the doctor, leaving the room with him to let him out.

Lori looked at Elphaba. "Are you sure you're all right now, sweetheart?"

"I've been better, but I'll be fine," Elphaba assured the queen. "I just have a horrendible headache. The medication will help with that." She sighed. "I hate scaring Yero – and you and your husband, too. I'm sorry."

Lori waved her away. "No apologising for things that aren't your fault," she said sternly in such a motherly tone that it made Elphaba's eyes prick a little with tears. She could hardly remember her own mother; no-one had ever really treated her like a daughter before, which was why she was so grateful to have this time with Fiyero's parents.

Fiyero returned with the medication and she took two pills, swallowing them dry before closing her eyes again. When she felt Fiyero crouching beside the couch again, touching her hand, she opened one eye and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm fine," she murmured. "Or I will be, in a while."

He nodded. "I know," he whispered, running his hand over her hair, and she didn't need him to say anything else because she already knew what he was thinking, anyway.

* * *

Fiyero made her take it easy for the rest of the afternoon and carried her upstairs straight after dinner, despite her protests that firstly, she wasn't tired and secondly, she could walk by herself. He brought her up to his room, which made her give him a questioning look.

"What?" he asked upon seeing that look. "You didn't think I was going to let you out of my sight tonight, did you?"

She rolled her eyes at him, but didn't protest when he set her down on the bed and went to fetch her a nightgown and her medication. He made her change and handed her a glass of water so she could swallow her pills. He then went into the bathroom and changed into his own pyjamas. When he returned, she was sitting on the edge of the bed with her nightgown pulled up to her stomach and a syringe in her hand. She flushed a little when she saw him, but his gaze was drawn to the needle and he shuddered.

His reaction made her grin. "It's just a needle."

"I hate needles," he muttered, carefully sitting down next to her and watching with a mix of interest and repulsion how she slid the needle into the skin of her abdomen and injected herself with the medication. He knew she had to do this every night, but he had never actually witnessed it until now. It gave him the creeps.

She put away the medication and he crawled under the blankets with her, a piece of paper in his hands. Only when she gave it a closer look did she realise he was holding her list and she sighed. "You want to do this now?"

He nodded, tucking her into his side with his arm around her. "Yes. Why not?" Without waiting for an answer, he started reading the things on her list out loud. "Receive my first kiss." He paused and she smirked at him.

"Galinda and I started the list after I asked you to kiss me at that party at the OzDust," she reminded him. "That's why that one's first on the list. Going stargazing with my best friend is second because that's what Glin and I did the night after that."

He kept going. "Get a make-over, read the final book in the Solar series – really, Fae?"

"It's a really good series!" she protested.

"Meet the Wizard, be in love... I see you ticked off that one."

She blushed. "Shut up."

He smiled and tilted her chin up so he could kiss her lips. "I love you."

She sighed, but then melted. "I love you, too. Visiting a place I've never been before is what I'm doing right now."

"My bed?" he asked innocently and she stomped his arm.

"The Vinkus," she corrected.

He chuckled. "You've played in the snow now, too, so that one's done. Watch a sunrise… sing in front of an audience? Really?"

Heat crept up her cheeks again and she admitted, "It's something I wanted to do when I was younger. Glin and Nessa talked to me about it the other day... I'm not really sure yet if I actually want to do it, though."

He nodded. "Dance bare-foot in the rain... I like that one, although you should probably wait until it's a little warmer outside before actually doing so. Oh, Fae." He suddenly looked sad. "Make my father proud?"

"It probably won't happen," she said softly. "But a girl can dream, right?" She bravely attempted a smile, but failed. He nuzzled her hair and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry, hon."

"It's okay."

He moved past it, knowing that her father was a subject on which he would never win an argument, because she'd never stop defending the man. "Fly. You certainly dream big, don't you?" He smiled. "Fight for a cause – of course that one's on here. I know you. Animals? How are you going to fight for them?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see."

He glanced at the next item on the list, which also made him frown. "When did you cross off "apologise to Nessa" and what did you need to apologise for?"

She bit her lip and after a few moments, it dawned on him. He sighed. "Elphaba... you apologised to her for what happened during her birth, didn't you?"

She nodded. "I felt like I had to," she said softly. "For that, and for leaving her so soon. If it makes you feel any better, though, she said exactly what you and Glin also said – that it was not my fault, but the milk flowers', and that she hates seeing me feeling guilty over it."

"Good, because that's true." He ran his fingers through her hair. "Tell my loved ones how I feel about them... how do you feel about me?"

She poked out her tongue. "You'll find out. That one's not ticked off yet, is it?"

He grinned. "I'll be patient, then." He had to smile a little sadly at her next item. "Be part of a family... you are, you know. Right here, with us. With me." He took her hand and placed it over his heart, which made her blush. "So we can stripe that one off as well. And the last one? Conquer my biggest fear – what is your biggest fear?"

"Death," she confessed, shivering a little. "Or, well... dying alone, I guess."

His heart ached, but he didn't dare let it show, putting on a brave smile. "You're the bravest person I know, Fae," he said quietly. "If anyone can conquer her biggest fear, it's you. You're amazing. And I promise you that you won't be alone."

She smiled weakly, but she did snuggle closer into his embrace. He tightened his grip on her.

"You missed one," she pointed out, but he grinned at her.

"I was saving that one for last." He cleared his throat. "Make love. Should I be creeped out by the fact that that one was not written in your handwriting?"

That made her laugh. "Galinda. Of course." She blushed furiously again. "Although... it's not unthinkable. Not anymore, anyway. Back then I didn't even believe I'd ever have a boyfriend, let alone you, but... well, I guess it might happen. Unless you don't want to, of course. Do you?"

"Oz, yes," he murmured, brushing his lips against her cheek. "But I would never do anything you don't want me to. You know that. I can make a whole lot of jokes about this item on your list, Fae, but I hope you know that I will wait until you are ready, no matter how long that might take. Even if it might never happen..."

"But I want it to happen," she whispered, turning towards him. "I'm going to die, anyway, Yero. I'm not going to get a lot of shots at this. I want to know what it's like."

"Then we'll make sure you find out," he promised.

She kissed him, deepening it quickly, and sat up a little so she was hovering over him. She tangled her fingers in the short hair at the back of his neck and let her other hand travel down his bare chest, tracing the diamond tattoos there.

He let out a nervous laugh. "Fae? I didn't mean right now, you know."

She pulled away slightly to smile a wicked little smile at him. "Maybe _I_ did," she said, leaning in and kissing him again.

He kissed her back, but then he broke away again to look into her eyes. "Are you _absolutely_ sure?" he asked and she nodded without hesitation, pressing her lips to his once more. This time, he didn't break away, instead moving them so they were lying on their sides, facing one another, and pressing her closer with his fingers splayed against her back. She let out a tiny little moan into his mouth and he smiled, kissing her for a long time, until her lips were swollen.

"Fae?" he murmured and she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure," she said impatiently. "Can we skip this part and go back to the kissing?"

He had to grin at that. "Of course we can, but that's not what I wanted to ask."

"Oh." She ran her fingers through her hair. "What did you want to ask, then?"

He quickly became serious again, gently tracing her jaw line with his finger. He met her gaze. "I just want to make sure you're okay," he began. "Not in _that_ sense, but... you know. If you're feeling dizzy or anything, I need you to tell me, okay? I refuse to do this only to have you unconscious in my bed afterwards."

She chortled at those words, pressing kisses to his chest and tracing the diamond tattoos with her lips. "I'll tell you," she murmured. "Promise. I _am_ feeling a little dizzy," she admitted, giggling a little – something he almost never heard her do – "but I think that's normal, isn't it?"

"I guess so," he said, one corner of his mouth turning up. "I'm a little dizzy myself."

She smiled. "I love you, Yero."

"I love you, too, hon." He pulled her to him and kissed her again, only breaking it to gently lift her nightgown up and over her head. She gasped a little, but he just whispered, "You're beautiful" and kissed her again, and there was little more protest from either of them after that.


	9. Sing in Front of an Audience

**PIE IS A PART OF LIFE, PEOPLE. EMBRACE THE PIE.**

 ***clears throat* That being said, there will be no more pie... in this chapter, anyway. There might be some more pie later on. *smirks***

* * *

 **#9. Sing in Front of an Audience**

* * *

 _Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_

 _How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?_

* * *

"Elphaba."

The fact that Galinda was using her full name already told the green girl that something had to be seriously wrong. She glanced up from her book, furrowing her brow in confusion when she saw her roommate holding a piece of paper she recognised as her things-to-do-before-I-die-list. "What?"

Galinda tapped the paper with a perfectly-manicured nail, the expression on her face something between excitement, mild hurt, and shock. "When did this happen?"

Elphaba squinted at the paper, but her friend was standing too far away. Feeling too drained and tired to get up and see for herself, she asked, "To what are you referring, exactly?"

" _This_. The tiny little check mark beside a certain item on your list indicating that you have already experienced said item."

Elphaba blinked and she had to think for a while before it finally dawned on her. She grimaced. "Um..."

Galinda squealed. "Oh. My. Oz. You and Fiyero...? _Really_? Because I was looking through your list and I saw "Make love" ticked off, and I was almost entirely certain that you'd accidentally ticked off the wrong thing but... but... you actually did it, didn't you? When?" Her eyes widened. "Wait. Was it when you were in the Vinkus with him? Last Lurlinemas? Elphaba? It better not have been – that was _six weeks_ ago!"

"Seven, actually," Elphaba muttered, cringing a little in anticipation, and her friend didn't disappoint.

"Oh. My. _Oz_!" she screeched again, even louder this time. "I want to know _all_ the details! Why didn't you _tell_ me?!"

Elphaba glanced up at the blonde through her eyelashes. "Because you'd start squealing and screeching in my ear and ask for details," she replied drily and Galinda crossed her arms and glowered.

"But yes," the raven-haired witch continued. "It was then. The first time, anyway." She blushed and Galinda squealed again.

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't ask for details," she said. "I just want to know... was it nice? He wasn't... pushy or anything, was he? You did want it?"

"I did," Elphaba assured her friend. "He was very sweet, as always. And of course it was nice. Do you think it would have happened more than once if it wasn't nice?"

The blonde girl beamed at her. "This is wonderful!"

"Please don't confront Fiyero," Elphaba almost begged.

Galinda rolled her eyes. "How much of a blabbermouth do you think I am?" she asked a little indignantly. When her roommate just raised an eyebrow at her, she relented. "Okay, fine, I'm a blabbermouth. But I promise I won't tell him. You're right, this is between you two. I'm glad you got to experience it, though," she added and Elphaba smiled softly.

"Me, too."

"This list was a really good idea, wasn't it?" Galinda sighed happily. "You've done so many things already! Okay, let's see if we can stripe off something else, shall we?" She studied the list, pursing her lips in concentration as she went through every item. Then her eyes brightened. "That's it! This one is next!"

"Which one?" Elphaba asked warily.

Galinda just giggled at her. "You'll see!" she sang. She leapt to her feet. "I should go – I'm meeting the girls in a few minutes – but we're going to have dinner together tonight, Elphie. All of us, I mean – you, me, Fiyero, Boq, Nessa... it'll be fun. I'll be back in time to help you prepare!" With that, she dashed out of the door.

Elphaba sighed wearily and lay back down, closing her eyes for a moment. She really did love her blonde friend, but sometimes Galinda was simply and utterly exhausting.

* * *

That night, Galinda dragged them all to a newly opened restaurant in town. She forced Elphaba to dress up, putting some make-up in her and making her look, in Elphaba's own words, "sort of pretty, I suppose". She was wearing a sapphire blue dress with tights and a cardigan underneath her winter coat against the cold and Galinda had kept her friend's half-long hair out of her face with a blue hair band. When the two arrived at the restaurant and Fiyero saw her, a smile spread across his face that made her blush. She ignored the smug look her roommate sent in her direction and held her head up high as she sat down next to the prince, although her blush deepened when he took her hand and murmured, "You look so beautiful."

"So why did you insist on this restaurant, Galinda?" Boq asked once they'd finished eating, a while later, and were having a cup of coffee – or tea, in the girls' case.

The blonde beamed at him. "Well, as a matter of fact, Boq, I chose this place for a specific purpose," she declared. Elphaba winced, wondering what to expect; and as if that was his cue, a man stepped onto the stage at the back of the restaurant and asked for people's attention.

"That's why," Galinda said meaningfully, taking a sip of her tea, blue eyes twinkling above her cup. Elphaba was about to ask her friend what she meant when she heard the man on stage mention the word "karaoke" and then her eyes narrowed.

Galinda grinned widely at the green girl, who shook her head stubbornly. "No."

"Elphie," the blonde said, "you've wanted this since you were little and _you_ put it on your list, not me. What happened to making the most of the time you have left and taking leaps of faith and all that?"

Elphaba kept on shaking her head.

"Fabala," Nessarose said quietly, getting her sister's attention. "Do it. You have a wonderful voice and you didn't put it on your list for nothing, did you?"

Elphaba heaved a sigh, glancing from her sister's face to Galinda's and then to the man standing on the stage, inviting the first person to come forward and sing a song. Deciding that her roommate and sister were right – this was yet another case of having nothing left to lose; even if she wasn't ill, her reputation was already ruined, anyway, so this couldn't really hurt – she rose to her feet. "I'll do it," she announced.

The man welcomed her onto the stage and Boq and Fiyero watched her with their mouths agape whilst Galinda giggled and Nessa smiled. The two girls cheered for Elphaba when the music started to play and the dark-haired girl took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering courage, before opening her eyes again and starting to sing.

She did have a nice voice, she knew that – not amazing, but nice; and as she sang, her nerves seemed to melt away from her. She found Nessa in the crowd, who looked proud even as she wiped away a few tears. She then glanced at Galinda, who was also crying and still cheering at the same time; and Boq, who just seemed in complete awe – at the fact that she could sing or the fact that she had actually dared to step up here and do this, she wasn't sure. Finally, her eyes found Fiyero's bright blue ones, filled with love and pride and so many other things she could not name, and she couldn't help but smile at him.

She sang her heart out because this was the first and the last time she would ever get to do so and when it was over, everyone present in the restaurant applauded and cheered. Boq whistled on his fingers and she blushed a dark shade of red, curtseying awkwardly before hurrying off the stage and flinging herself back into her seat, her cheeks burning. "Are you happy now?" she hissed at Nessa and Galinda, pretending to be annoyed even though she had actually secretly enjoyed it.

"Yes," Galinda said smugly. "Very." Then she squealed and threw her arms around her friend. "Oh, Elphie, that was beautiful! You were amazing up there!"

"You really were," Fiyero agreed, earning himself a brilliant smile from his girlfriend. She smiled at him and he drew her closer to kiss her gently.

She leaned against him, the adrenaline fading to leave a severe case of dizziness in its wake, but she did not even care that much. For a moment, she closed her eyes and just let herself enjoy the moment.

She was pulled out of her daze by Fiyero slipping her a paper towel. At her questioning look, he mumbled, "Nosebleed" and she quickly pressed the paper towel against her nose, sighing inwardly. No matter how hard she had been trying to ignore it, she knew her symptoms were getting worse. Both Fiyero and Galinda had noticed and urged her to see her doctor here at Shiz, but she hadn't done so yet. She pretended that she kept forgetting; she even pretended to be annoyed at their concern, brushing them off with a simple, "I'm fine", but she knew the real reason why she hadn't visited the infirmary yet.

She was afraid. Elphaba Thropp was afraid. Scared to death, actually – no pun intended – because she knew that her symptoms worsening could only mean one thing and she didn't want to hear her doctor say it. She didn't want to hear that her prognosis had changed again, that she had less time than she'd thought, that she would probably not even see another Lurlinemas.

Fiyero, however, must be reading her mind, because he whispered in her ear, "Fae, I really think you should go to the infirmary tomorrow for a check-up. I'll go with you," he offered, but she shook her head.

"I'll go," she said, pulling away the paper towel for a moment, only to press it back against her nose when she realised there was still blood dripping from it. "But I don't want you to miss your classes to come with me." Translation: she didn't want him to hear she'd been getting worse. She knew she'd have to tell him sooner or later, anyway, but she wanted to tell him herself, not have him hear it from a doctor. "I'll be fine on my own."

" _Someone_ should go with you," he insisted and Galinda, overhearing, said firmly, "I'll take her. I don't have any morning classes tomorrow, anyway."

Fiyero flashed her a grateful smile. "Thanks, Galinda."

"Glin," Elphaba began, but a look from her roommate shut her up and simultaneously told her that Galinda knew exactly why she didn't want Fiyero to come. She sighed and reluctantly accepted. "Thank you."

They walked back to Shiz not long thereafter, since Elphaba had grown weary and Nessarose was starting to tire as well. Fiyero kept his arm around his girlfriend and she was leaning into him, grateful for the body heat he provided. She was shivering, but he didn't even ask if she was okay anymore – he'd done that every time she'd shivered in the beginning, but she'd thoroughly explained to him at some point that her illness caused her to almost always be freezing, so yes, she was fine, just cold, and he'd stopped asking her because he knew it bothered her. Instead, he silently offered her his own coat despite her protests, draping it across her shoulders and drawing her closer into his side. He kept on rubbing her arms until they had reached her dorm building, by which time she was actually feeling a little warmer, but he was freezing.

She smirked up at him. "Regret giving away your coat?" she teased, taking it off and reaching up to put it around his own shoulders again.

His teeth were chattering and his lips were blue, but he managed a smile nonetheless. "To you? Never." He waited for a moment as Galinda, Boq, and Nessa tactfully moved around the corner and then his smile turned into an mischievous grin. "I know of another way to get warm quickly."

"Mmh." She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. "And what might that way be?" she asked impishly, tucking her cold hands against his bare back underneath his shirt. He gasped, which made her smirk again, but the smirk quickly faded when he leaned down to kiss her completely breathless within a few moments, wrapping his arms and his coat around her so that she was engulfed in his body heat. She sighed happily and pressed her cheek against his chest, closing her eyes for a moment. "Can I just stay here forever? I haven't been this warm in weeks."

He chuckled softly. "If it were up to me, you could," he said, resting his chin on the top of her head. They stood that way for a while before she reluctantly detached herself from him.

"I should go up," she said apologetically, "and you should go back to your own room to get warm."

He sighed. "Yeah. Probably." He kissed her again. "You'll be coming to class tomorrow after you return from the infirmary, right?" he asked. "You'll tell me how it went then?"

She tensed instantly, but knew she had no other choice. "Okay," she said quietly. She looked up at him, wanting to warn him in advance. "Just... just don't be too upset when it's bad news," she said, biting her lip as she met his gaze. "My symptoms worsening can hardly be a good thing and it's not like they can do anything to cure me. I want you to prepare yourself for that."

He looked unhappy about it, but he nodded without comment, which told her he must have thought about this already and had probably come to the same conclusion – that it would never be good news. He reached up as if he wanted to touch her cheek, but then dropped his hand again and lowered his gaze.

"I know," he said, his breath fogging in the cold air. "But I still want to know, no matter how bad the news is. I know you want to protect me, but just... just don't. Can you promise me that?"

She nodded. "Okay."

He nodded again, too, and hesitated for a moment. Then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Sweet dreams."

"'Night, Yero." She watched him as he turned and walked away, Boq and Nessa following behind, and then went inside with Galinda, ignoring the blonde's questioning looks.

* * *

He knew she was getting worse. He'd known for a while already. Ever since their holiday in the Vinkus together, he'd noticed that she seemed to be getting nosebleeds and bleeding gums more often, that she almost always looked pale, and that she'd taken to napping every afternoon because she was so tired all the time. He could tell when she was feeling faint or dizzy and that seemed to be happening a lot lately. He'd forced himself to face that truth and to not make himself any illusions about what her doctor at the infirmary was going to say.

Despite all that, however, he still felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment when she slipped into the seat next to him before their second class of the day and said quietly, without beating around the bush, "It's not good, Yero."

The lump in his throat made it impossible for him to speak and the professor was silencing the class to begin his lecture, anyway; so he just swallowed and nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. She gave him a sad smile and squeezed back before focusing on her notes again. For the remainder of the entire class, she kept their fingers entwined, taking notes only with her free hand.

When it was over, she still held on to his hand and led him out of the building and over to the library, taking him to the fireplace in the far corner where she always loved to study. She sat down on the couch there, staring into the fire as he sank down next to her and she tried to think of what to tell him.

"There's not much they can do," she said finally, her gaze still trained on the fire. "Or... well, nothing, really. I'm already taking as much medication as I can – if I take any more, it would only increase the chances of... of me dying. Dangerous side effects, and stuff. But... it's definitely getting worse." She swallowed, but her mouth was still dry, even as her eyes stung with tears.

He took a deep breath. "How long?" he asked, his voice surprisingly steady, and she shook her head.

"I'm not sure," she said. "Like I said, they don't really like giving numbers, but... but he implied that we're definitely thinking months now, not years." She finally looked up to meet his gaze and he was a little stunned to see her eyes filled with tears threatening to spill over. He wasn't sure if he'd _ever_ seen her cry before; he had certainly never seen her cry over her illness. She'd always seemed so casual about it, but he understood now that that had all been a facade. She pretended it didn't matter to her, just like she pretended that people's comments about her skin didn't bother her; but they did bother her and this did matter. She just refused to acknowledge it because that made it easier for her to handle.

And so he bit back his own tears and pulled her into his arms, guiding her head to rest on his shoulder as he felt her wet tears already on his neck. She was shaking and she sniffled, her voice breaking when she whispered, "Yero, I just want you to know that I… I'm glad my last Lurlinemas was with you."

Then he could no longer hold back his own tears. They both cried, holding on to one another for dear life as if that could prevent Elphaba from going anywhere.

* * *

 **Now if you really want to stir up the feels, you should look up the song "Seasons of Love" from RENT on YouTube and listen to that.**

 **If you're crying, please do let me know so I can be mean and cackle about it. If not, also please let me know so I can see if I manage to change that in later chapters.**


	10. Dance Barefoot in the Rain

**BillyJay936: Shh. I'm saving that song for THE chapter - as you said, for maximum effect. *smirks***

* * *

 **#10. Dance Barefoot in the Rain**

* * *

 _Your eyes_

 _The ones that took me by surprise_

 _The night you came into my life_

* * *

Elphaba awoke from her afternoon nap to find Fiyero and Galinda quietly talking on the other side of the room. When the blonde girl noticed Elphaba was awake, she nudged Fiyero and he turned and gave her a smile.

"Hey," he greeted her.

She yawned. "Hey. What time is it?"

"Almost half past four," Galinda replied, hopping off her own bed and moving over to Elphaba's. "How are you feeling?"

The green girl shrugged, which the others had learned to take as "as well as could possibly be expected". "What's up? Why are you here?" she asked Fiyero. "Has something happened?"

He exchanged a look with Galinda. "Sort of," he said, "although I didn't know that until I came here. I was coming over to take you out for a walk and some dinner."

"You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you up," Galinda explained apologetically. "It can only be wonderful news, though!" She beamed and Elphaba sat up, looking warily at her roommate as she waited to hear the news. Instead of saying anything, however, Galinda merely produced a bright green envelope from behind her back and beamed at Elphaba as she handed it to her. The dark-haired witch accepted the envelope and looked up at her roommate, knowing what this meant.

"I haven't opened it," Galinda said. "But I'm pretty sure we both know what this means, right?"

"Right," agreed Elphaba, her heart pounding as she took in the envelope and held her breath. "Sweet Oz… do you really think…?"

"Just _open it,_ Elphie, or I'll explode with curiosity!" Galinda ordered and her roommate chuckled. She slipped a finger underneath the flap and pulled it open, extracting a pale green letter with dark green writing and golden embellishments from the envelope. She quickly read it, once, twice, and then looked up to meet Galinda's gaze again. She nodded.

The blonde squealed so loudly it made Fiyero jump and then she threw herself at Elphaba, throwing her back into the pillows and hugging her tightly. "Oh, Elphie, this is wonderful! You're going to the Emerald City? You're going to _meet the Wizard_?!"

"I am!" Elphaba laughed, hugging her friend back. "I can still make a difference, Glin! I mean…" She sobered. "I can never work for him," she said quietly. "But… but if I could even just meet him, and tell him about the Animals… at least I would be able to make a difference." A brilliant smile lit up her face again. "I'm going to the Emerald City!"

Galinda giggled and hugged her again. "Oh, Elphie, I'm so proud of you!"

Fiyero, who had been a little confused until now, had meanwhile read the letter and grinned widely at his girlfriend over Galinda's head. "Congratulotions, Fae."

She smiled at him. "Thank you. You'll come with me, right?" She looked at Galinda. "Both of you?"

"Of course!" Galinda promised as Fiyero scoffed at the same time, "Do you even have to ask?"

"When is it?" Galinda asked then.

Fiyero handed her the letter and she quickly read it for herself whilst Elphaba replied, "About a month from now, a couple of weeks before our exams. He's invited me to meet him and he's providing accommodation, including food and spending money, for me and any friends I want to bring, for an entire weekend. We'll be arriving in the City on Friday night, spend the Saturday sightseeing, meet him on Sunday morning, and then go back to Shiz late Sunday afternoon."

"That sounds perfect," Galinda declared. "I'm in. Ooh, I'll need to think about what to pack! Do I even own enough green dresses?" she asked, panicky. "Maybe I should buy some new ones…"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Glin, through your open wardrobe door," Elphaba had never seen that door closed before, since her roommate had so many dresses that the door to her wardrobe literally _couldn't_ close, "I can see at least four green dresses, and I'm sure you have more stowed away in some dark corner of that wardrobe. I'd say you have enough green dresses for a two-day trip."

"No!" Galinda said indignantly, making both Elphaba and Fiyero laugh. The petite girl stomped her foot. "Don't laugh at me – I need new ones! I don't wear green very often, so the ones I do have are _so_ last year!"

As Galinda started rummaging through her closet, fretting about what clothes to bring, the prince sat down on the edge of Elphaba's bed and leaned down to kiss her softly. "I'm really proud of you, hon," he murmured, resting his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes. "You deserve this."

"Thanks, Yero." She kissed him again and then drew away, running her fingers through her sleep-tangled hair. "I suppose I'll just go change and then we can go for that walk?" she suggested to Fiyero, who nodded.

"I'll be right here."

He waited as she changed into a dress and quickly brushed her hair and then they left together, receiving nothing but a vague wave from Galinda, since the blonde still had her head stuck inside her closet. The pair walked out of the dorm building and headed in the direction of the park.

It was early May by now and Elphaba was grateful for the fact that it had gotten much warmer over the past few weeks. At least her shivering episodes were all but over. She was still wearing many more layers of clothes than most of her fellow students, but at least she wasn't freezing all the time anymore, although that fact didn't keep her from making use of Fiyero as her private heat source whenever she could. Like always, he slid his arm around her waist and she leaned into him as they walked.

"I was thinking about something," Fiyero began once they had crossed the park and reached Suicide Canal, strolling along the path lying parallel to it. His voice had a nervous tinge to it that made Elphaba look up at him a little warily.

"What is it?"

He paused, thinking about how best to voice his thoughts. "Well… even though you're still, you know, relatively okay now – up and about, at least, and stuff… that's bound to change, isn't it? Eventually?"

She nodded, resting her head back against his shoulder so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Yes. I mean, I don't know exactly what the end will be like. It could go a few different ways – I could just randomly get a heart attack and drop dead, but I could also slowly deteriorate until my heart gives out." She tried not to shudder at the prospect. "Why do you want to talk about this?"

"Because I want to know who will be taking care of you once you won't be able to take care of yourself anymore."

His answer was blunt and honest and took her aback for a moment. She realised then that the issue he was raising was a very valid one. "I don't know. My father probably won't and Nessa obviously can't. Galinda could, maybe, but there's no way I'm going to put her through that. I guess I'd just end up in the hospital."

He was already shaking his head before she'd finished speaking. "No. I won't let that happen," he declared. "I'm not going to let you spend your final moments in a hospital. Over my dead body."

"You mean _my_ dead body," she joked weakly, earning herself a glare from him. She huffed a laugh. "Oh, Yero, I don't know. I'm trying not to think about this too much."

"But that doesn't make it go away," he said reasonably and she had to admit that he had a point.

He stopped walking and turned to face her, taking her cold hands in his warm ones. "Look, Fae… I've talked about this with my parents and they agreed. We want to make you a proposition," he said. She thought she already knew what he was going to say, but she kept silent, letting him finish instead. He reached up to brush her hair away from her face and then he dropped his arm again and took a deep breath. "We want you to come to Adurin Iir and let us take care of you. You know… near the end."

Her heart swelled and broke at the same time at that. "Fiyero…"

"I know," he cut her off. "I know you hate letting other people take care of you and you probably don't want me to see you like that, but I can't stand the thought of you dying all alone in a hospital, Fae. You need to be surrounded by people who love you. I most certainly do, and my parents already do as well, after last Lurlinemas. Galinda could come over, if you'd like... I'll take the time off school – my parents will explain and Morrible will understand – and we'll take care of you. We want to. Please. I want to be with you until the end, Elphaba, no matter what it takes. Promise me you'll let us do that for you."

She looked at him, looked at him for a long time, and saw the sincerity in his eyes. It hurt her to do so, but she knew how much this would mean to him and if she were completely honest with herself, she hated the thought of dying alone in a sterile hospital room, too.

And so she nodded. "Okay," she whispered, looking down at their joined hands. "I promise."

He smiled, relieved. "Okay. Thank you." He brought their joined hands up and kissed her knuckles before lowering them again and leaning in to kiss her lips, gently deepening the kiss. She melted into his arms, wrapping her own arms around his neck to pull him closer, and relaxed as he pressed her against his chest, holding her tightly as he kept on kissing her like he would never stop.

* * *

A little over a week before Elphaba would leave for the Emerald City, she was already getting nervous. She barely ate anything, didn't sleep well, and was constantly worrying about what she would say, what he might say, what she would do if he refused to help, and even what she was supposed to wear to the meeting. Of course, her roommate was quite eager to help her with that latter issue.

The green girl had invited Boq and Nessarose to come with her as well, but they had both declined. Nessa had never felt very comfortable travelling, just like their father, and Boq said he'd keep the wheelchair-bound girl company – Elphaba had noticed before that those two had been growing closer lately, so she wasn't surprised. She suspected something more might even come of it.

In any case, Elphaba, Fiyero, and Galinda would be going to the Emerald City together. The young witch had already sent word of this back to the Emerald Palace and a few days later, she received a confirmation – two rooms in _Teal Tower_ , a rather fancy hotel in the City, with food and spending money for three people included. Galinda loved the prospect and kept squealing about it all. Elphaba mainly thought of her meeting with the Wizard.

The blonde was rambling again now as they all walked back from class together. "There aren't that many items left on your list, Elphie. Now that you'll be able to cross off "Meet the Wizard" as well…" She puckered her lips. "Of course, some of them aren't very likely to come true. Like "Fly"."

Elphaba laughed. "You never know. "Make my father proud" probably won't come true, either, but it's still on there and I'm still trying."

Nessa glanced at her sister anxiously. "Fabala…"

"It's fine, Nessie." Elphaba ruffled her sister's hair, making her sister scowl as she ducked away. "Maybe I'll just change it to "Make Nessa proud of me" instead."

Nessarose smiled a little sadly as she ran her hands over her hair in an attempt to smooth it out again. "I've been proud of you for as long as I can remember, you know. For taking care of me, for handling the way people treated you all your life – the way _Father_ treated you – and for topping the year and being invited to meet the Wizard…"

The dark-haired witch gave her sister a genuine smile and bent down to hug her. "Thank you, Nessie."

"That's so sweet," Galinda said, sniffling a little. "But, anyway… there's still "Fight for a cause", but I guess you'll be doing that whilst meeting the Wizard."

"Why do you know all this?" Boq asked suspiciously. "Have you learned Elphaba's list by heart or something?"

Galinda giggled at him. "But of course I have!" she said as if that was the most normal thing in the world. She ignored the looks her friends exchanged. "Anyway," she glanced up at the sky, "it looks like it's going to rain, so the next one can be ticked off today – let's all take of our shoes and dance barefoot in the rain! How does that sound?"

"Impossible," said Nessa a little sadly, glancing down at her legs, whilst at the same time Fiyero said, "Wet" and Boq said, "Weird".

Elphaba chortled. "I'm in, Glin. It's my list, after all. Are you sure you don't mind getting your feet dirty?" she teased and Galinda stuck out her tongue.

"Not for you, Elphaba Thropp." As if to prove it, she sat down on the nearest bench and took off her shoes. "There."

Boq raised his eyebrows and Elphaba tried to stifle her chuckles. "It's not even actually raining yet." Just as she said that, however, the first drops began to fall and Galinda looked at her triumphantly.

"I'll just go and get Nessa inside before she gets wet," Boq muttered, quickly pushing the chair across the courtyard. Elphaba grinned at her roommate and bent down to take off her own shoes, swiping her half-long hair out of her face and kicking her ballet flats under the bench. Galinda smiled widely at that.

Fiyero shook his head. "You're going to get cold," he warned them both, but Elphaba just gave him a look and he soon relented, taking off his own shoes and socks as well. "Now what?"

"Now we wait for the rain to pick up…" Galinda looked expectantly up at the sky, laying her head in her neck. "…and then we dance."

As they waited, Fiyero placed his arms on Elphaba's waist from behind and drew her against his chest, his fingers skimming her hips. "At first I wasn't entirely sure about this complete make-over thing," he muttered in her ear, "because it didn't really seem like _you_ , you know, getting rid of the braid and the boots, the glasses, and the black frocks… but I must say that you seem rather comfortable this way. Besides, I can't deny the fact that you look even better in more form-fitting dresses than you did in those frocks," he added teasingly.

She elbowed him in the stomach, which made him gasp, and twisted out of his grasp to place her hands on her hips. "Form-fitting?" she echoed, scowling. "Really? That's what you like most about post-make-over me? The fact that my _dresses_ are more form-fitting?"

He grinned at her. "I'm still a guy, Fae."

She rolled her eyes.

He took her hand and linked their fingers together. "It's true, though. You're beautiful, you know, and I'm just glad you're not afraid to show it anymore."

She rolled her eyes. "Because that wasn't cheesy at all."

"I think it was cute," declared Galinda. She then squealed. "Oh, more rain! We have to dance!" Indeed, the drops were coming faster now and the blonde girl started jumping and twirling around, not caring about how she looked to the handful of students still outside despite the weather. Elphaba laughed and joined her, spinning in circles. Thankfully, it wasn't cold despite the rain.

As the rain started falling more heavily and they slowly got soaked, Fiyero pulled her into a clumsy waltz and she tried to match his steps, laughing as he guided her through them. Galinda was squealing and clapping, jumping up and down. Thunder rumbled in the distance and still they danced, spinning and stepping, leaping and twisting. Elphaba did a weird twirling dance with Galinda and then fell back against Fiyero's chest again, smiling widely as she turned in his arms and let him lead her into another dance.

Fiyero loved the sparkle he saw in those large, beautiful brown eyes of hers. He didn't see her carefree very often, but the look suited her. It made her even more gorgeous.

Elphaba leaned her head back and closed her eyes, catching the raindrops on her face, trusting Fiyero to keep her from crashing into something. Just this once, she let herself feel silly and giddy and happy and free.

* * *

 **Favourite lines?**


	11. Fly

**I love how some of you said you're glad Elphaba is meeting the Wizard. Are you sure about that? I mean, you've all seen the musical... (Note the ominous trailing off with three dots there.)**

* * *

 **#11. Fly**

* * *

 _Feel like going insane_

 _Got a fire in your brain_

 _It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round_

* * *

Elphaba wrapped the blanket around herself and stretched out horizontally across the bed using Fiyero as a pillow, her hair fanning out over his stomach. She heaved a content and slightly breathless sigh. "I love you, Yero."

She felt his chuckle rumble in his stomach. "I love you, too. You know that. Are you okay? You're panting a little."

"Well, you're very tiring," she said teasingly. "I'm fine, though. Just a little out of breath, but that happens all the time these days."

He fell silent at that. It _did_ happen all the time these days, even when she simply walked from her dorm room to class or went up a single flight of stairs. She felt him playing with her hair and she knew he was thinking about her illness and the future. She was proven right when he said quietly, "I wish this didn't have to end."

She smiled a bit wistfully. "Me, too." She rolled onto her stomach, resting her chin on her arms so she could look at him. "But it's not over yet. I never thought I'd be the one to say this to you instead of the other way around, but stop worrying, Yero. There's only now. Don't waste it thinking about the bad things that are coming."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You did not come up with that yourself, did you?" he accused and she grinned at him.

"I went to a therapist a few times back in Munchkinland when I was younger," she confessed. "He always said that. I've been realising lately though that he may have had a point."

Fiyero reached out to touch her hair again, threading his fingers through it. She watched him, smirking a little. "What is it with you and my hair? You're always touching it."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just love it," he said honestly. "It's so soft and it feels nice between my fingers. Maybe it's a guy thing. You know, because we generally don't have long hair, we like to play with our girlfriends' hair instead."

She quirked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled. "Okay, that's not very plausible, but still. I just love your hair. Can we leave it at that?"

"Sure." She rested her cheek on her arms and closed her eyes for a moment. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine." She felt the rise and fall of his stomach with his breaths and the vibration of his skin beneath her bare arms when he talked. "Galinda probably isn't up yet, is she?"

"Probably not." She opened her eyes again, staring at the blue diamonds tattooed across his chest and stomach. Her fingertips found one and started tracing it. She grinned a little devilishly when she felt him shiver. "What time do we want to get up and into the City?"

He continued running his fingers through her hair, watching her watch his diamonds. "I don't know. Soon, I guess. I mean, we only have a day and a half to go sightseeing here in the City. You definitely need to get enough rest and you won't in a million years hear me protest what we just did... but I also think you need to experience as much of the Emerald City as possible, now that we're here."

She smiled. "I want to see the Palace," she murmured, turning over to lie on her back again, her head once again pillowed on his stomach. "And the Great Emerald Museum. Oh, and I'd love to take a peek at the library on the Emerald Square – it's supposed to be the biggest one in all of Oz!"

"We can do that," he agreed, combing through her hair with his fingers as he thought about their day. "All we have to do is discourage Galinda from dragging us into a thousand dress salons, but I'm sure we can make that work."

"I'll just play the 'this-will-be-my-only-time- _ever_ -in-the-Emerald-City-so-I-get-to-pick-what-we're-doing'-card." Elphaba pressed a hand to her forehead, frowning a little. "Ugh, I'm dizzy."

He instantly looked alarmed, sitting up a little. "How dizzy?"

She really wanted to make light of it – honestly, she'd have preferred to keep both her illness and every single stupid symptom completely hidden from everyone, because she hated all the hovering and worrying – but she knew that would be a bad idea. So she admitted, wincing a little at the pain in her head, "The kind of dizzy that means I'm probably going to pass out in a few moments. Just leave me be, I'll be fine," she assured him.

He frowned, concerned. "Are you sure?"

She gritted her teeth against the headache, which seemed to grow worse with every heartbeat, and she closed her eyes for a moment, hoping that would help. She could feel Fiyero reaching out and gently massaging her scalp with his fingertips, letting them drift to her temples to rub those as well, since he knew that helped her headache sometimes. He watched her closely and when he suddenly felt her weight grow heavier against him, her eyes fluttering shut, he knew she was out.

It still scared him every time this happened, but not by far as much as it had before. Since it had been happening more and more often lately, he knew by now what to do. She always woke up by herself again after a while, so he had learned to just make her comfortable and stay with her to watch over her in case something happened, which it had never done before. He also knew she would have one hell of a headache once she'd wake up, which was why he carefully reached for her nightstand, trying to get to her bottle of pills and the glass of water standing beside them without jostling her. He watched her face as he continued to play with her hair for a while, waiting for her to wake up.

It took her a little less than ten minutes before she groaned and stirred, her eyes opening again; and the moment she tentatively sat up, he handed her two pills and the glass.

"Life-saver," she muttered, popping the pills into her mouth and washing them down with some water. Wincing against the terrible headache, she lay back down against him and closed her eyes, allowing him to pull her into his arms and go back to massaging her temples as she waited for the medication to start doing its job.

"Thanks," she said after a while, heaving a sigh. "You're my hero."

He laughed softly. "I think I could get used to that."

"Yero my hero." She made a content noise in her throat when he pressed a little harder, rubbing circles on her temples until the tension flowed from her shoulders and she seemed to relax a little.

"Better?" he asked and she nodded, eyes still closed.

"Much."

Fiyero got up not long after that, dressing himself and then moving into the hallway to wake Galinda while Elphaba got dressed as well. Not long thereafter, they were all ready to go and they set out into the City to go sightseeing.

Galinda did try to convince them to visit a dress salon or two, but Elphaba refused – "You can go, Glin, and we'll come find you once we're done at this museum" – and since the blonde didn't want to go off on her own, she begrudgingly accompanied Elphaba and Fiyero to several museums and to visit the Emerald Square and the Palace (which she did love seeing) as well as the huge library situated there (which she found a lot less interesting). They had lunch at a fancy tearoom and dinner at an even fancier restaurant and by the time they returned to their hotel after seeing Wizomania, they had already made tons of plans for the next day. They would never be able to see and do all the things they'd thought up, but they agreed to try to do as much as possible still in the time between Elphaba's meeting with the Wizard and the time their carriage would leave the following day.

"Are you really sure you don't mind sleeping on your own, Glin?" Elphaba asked when they reached the hallway, but her blonde friend merely shook her head.

"Of course not, Elphie, or I would have said so. I was fine by myself last night and I'll be fine now, too. I share a room with you every night, after all – and besides, I always wanted my private suite, didn't I?" She giggled and waved the other two goodnight before disappearing into her room whilst Elphaba and Fiyero disappeared into theirs, just across the hallway from Galinda's.

Elphaba fell down onto the bed on her stomach and she was so tired that by the time Fiyero had changed into his pyjamas and came to see if she was ready, too, she had fallen asleep, still fully clothed. He smiled and removed her shoes, but then he had to wake her up because she had to inject her medication. She grumbled, but did so and allowed him to help her change into her own nightgown, still drowsy and half-asleep, before she collapsed back onto the bed and fell asleep again within clock-ticks.

Fiyero tucked her in before crawling into the bed beside her. He loved to watch her sleep, since he thought she looked adorable that way, but it also made him feel sad that she was tiring so quickly. Every time they were happy, every time he nearly forgot that their relationship – that her _life_ – was not built to last, something would happen that reminded him of that fact again. Still, he had never regretted his decision to be with her despite her illness and he was pretty sure he never would. No matter what was going to happen in the future, he wouldn't have missed this time with her for the world.

He put his arm around her to pull her closer, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent before closing his eyes and soon falling asleep as well.

* * *

They arrived at the Emerald Palace early and were directed to a waiting room by a friendly woman in an emerald green uniform. Galinda primly sat down and Fiyero slouched in his chair; Elphaba, however, started pacing and didn't stop until Galinda firmly pulled her down and sternly told her that she was going to tire herself out that way and she wouldn't have enough energy left to talk to the Wizard about the Animals.

They waited for a little under an hour, with Elphaba growing more anxious with every passing minute, before a guard appeared to escort them to the throne room. Once inside, he closed the door and a giant head suddenly came to life in the middle of the room, moving and roaring, "I AM OZ!"

Galinda shrieked and ducked behind Fiyero, who was quite startled himself. Elphaba jumped at the voice, but stood her ground, raising her chin and announcing, "I am Elphaba Thropp, Your Ozness, and these are my friends – Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands and Prince Fiyero Tiggular of the Vinkus."

The head suddenly dropped, startling them all again, and then a middle-aged man appeared from behind it, smiling widely.

"Elphaba," he said, approaching her and taking both her hands in his own. "It's lovely finally meeting you – and your friends, too. Please, sit down." He motioned at a couple of arm chairs situated around a side table. "We have much to discuss."

* * *

It felt surreal, like this was not really happening; but at the same time, she knew with absolute clarity that it _was_ real. Here she stood, clutching the handle of a broomstick, looking up at the open window in the sloped ceiling above her.

She couldn't just ignore everything she had learned today and go on with her life, however short that still may be. She couldn't pretend she hadn't been here today. She couldn't let the Wizard continue hurting the Animals. She had to leave, she had to fight – she had to do everything she still could to try and help the Animals. Fight for a cause. It was on her list, right? So that was what she would do.

She glanced once at the door. The guards were pounding on it and would soon be inside. Fiyero and Galinda were probably right on their heels.

Fiyero.

Galinda.

Nessa.

She gasped, the thought of them nearly taking her breath away, because she knew that even they were not enough to keep her here right now. She had to go, even though she knew it would break their hearts. They'd get over it, though. She only had a few months left – what did it matter anymore? Maybe she could still make a difference for the Animals. They needed her more than her friends did right now.

And so she tentatively mounted the broomstick and steered it upward, gasping again when it raised with her still on it. She glanced down at her satchel and made some calculations. She'd need the rest of her medication or she'd get too physically weak to do anything and she decided she would head back to Shiz to get it. No-one would be in her dorm room right now. She'd go there, pack some things and leave Galinda, Nessa, and Fiyero a note; and then she'd leave. She had to.

She rose up into the air, just when the door below her gave way and guards started flooding the room, Galinda and Fiyero right on their heels, but she was gone before she saw them. She flew out of the window and smiled wryly to herself, mentally ticking "Fly" off her list as she headed in the direction of Shiz University.

* * *

 **Please don't kill me.**


	12. Fight For a Cause

**I do apologise... but only for the fact that this update is a little late.**

 **NOTHING BUT CACKLES FOR THE QUEEN OF CLIFFIES! *cackles***

* * *

 **#12. Fight For a Cause**

* * *

 _Just tighten your shoulders_

 _Just clench your jaw 'til you frown_

 _Just don't let go or you may drown_

* * *

He would never forget that moment for the rest of his life. The moment he ran after the guards into the attic, Galinda by his side, and he just saw her disappear through the window on a flying broomstick. It filled him with all kinds of emotions he couldn't even name and it made him want to shout out all kinds of different things to her. _Don't go. I love you. Please come back._

What eventually came out, however, was a desperate cry, his voice breaking. "You _promised_!"

Because he knew she wasn't coming back. He knew her, after all. She was going to fight for the Animals' rights now, until the day she died, and she wasn't going to come back before that day. Visions of possible futures for her flashed through his mind – Elphaba being killed by the Gale Force, Elphaba dying all alone in a cave in a forest somewhere, Elphaba fainting whilst flying that Oz-damned broomstick and falling off... even if she weren't ill, so many things could go wrong; but she _was_ ill and he knew this could never end well. He also knew, however, that she didn't care. She'd always put others first – never herself. Not even him, now, or Galinda, or Nessa, because she probably felt the Animals needed her more right now than they did. She'd always put whoever needed her most first.

It was honourable. It was noble. It was one of the things he loved and admired her for, because it was so _her_. At the same time, however, right then, he hated it. He loved her sense of justice and her passion for righting wrongs, but he hated that those things were taking her away from him now.

They left back for their hotel in a daze, he and Galinda. They packed their things; she helped him pack Elphaba's and pretended not to notice the fact that he was crying as he buried his face in the nightgown she'd worn only that morning and that still smelt like her. He was convinced he would never see her again and although Galinda wanted nothing more than to remain optimistic, she didn't think it was very likely her friend would come back, either. Still, she had to keep hoping.

Fiyero's eye fell on the bag of toiletries she'd left in the bathroom and his face contorted. "How... how much medication does she usually carry with her?" he croaked.

Galinda followed his gaze and bit her lip. "Not much," she said. "She always keeps a little bit of everything in her satchel for emergencies, but... but never an awful lot. Enough for a day or two, three... if she's careful, a week at most." She took a breath. "But she's smart, Fiyero. She's rash and impulsive sometimes, but she knows there's nothing she can do for the Animals if she doesn't take care of herself first."

He looked at her. "But how can she if she doesn't have her medication?" he demanded.

Galinda sighed. "I think she'll have gone back to Shiz," she said quietly. "To get her medication, maybe to pack some other things..."

"You think..." The hope on his face broke her heart. "Do you think she'll wait for us there?"

"Oh, Fiyero..." The blonde shook her head. "I don't think so," she said honestly. "Knowing Elphie, she might leave us a note or something, but I don't think she'll be waiting there. She's too passionate about this and even though she knows we really care about her, she also knows she doesn't have much time left. She probably thinks she's doing us a favour by disappearing this way, before we can watch her deteriorate further."

He stared at the nightgown in his hands, pressing it against his chest and closing his eyes for a moment. "She promised me she'd let me take care of her," he muttered. "Me and my parents. I asked her... we talked about this. I didn't want her to be alone when... when she'd be getting worse." He winced a little. "She promised..."

Galinda moved towards him and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry, Fiyero."

"Yeah." He sniffled once, but he didn't cry again. "Me, too."

They packed the rest of their and Elphaba's things and then left. They spent the entire way back from the Emerald City to Shiz in silence and once they arrived at the university, they went their separate ways, each eager to see if anything could be found in their respective rooms at all.

Galinda returned to her dorm room to find a lot of things gone, which didn't really surprise her. Elphaba had taken a lot of her medication, as the blonde girl had predicted. She'd also taken her mother's green glass bottle from underneath her pillow and the hat Galinda had given her at the beginning of their friendship. Some of her clothes and shoes were gone as well and there was a note on Galinda's desk.

Almost fearing what would be in it, Galinda folded it open and quickly read her roommate's messy handwriting.

 _Dear Glin,_

 _I'm sorry I left you all like this, but it was the right thing to do. You were my first friend ever and I couldn't have wished for a better one. I hope you know that, just as I hope you know that we have not seen one another for the last time – although where and when we will meet again, I cannot say. For now, I want to thank you for having been my friend and I want to ask you to look after Nessa for me, both now and after I will be gone for good. You're my best friend, Glin. You always will be. Thank you for everything._

 _Your friend,_

 _Elphaba_

That was all.

"Oh, Elphie," she muttered, clutching the piece of paper to her chest and taking a deep breath. What did Elphaba even mean by this? It was comforting to think that they might see one another again, but her roommate was so vague that Galinda wasn't sure how to read this. Did she mean she'd come back at some point? Or was she referring to some sort of afterlife in which they might meet again once they were both dead? Since the blonde knew that Elphaba did not believe in an afterlife, that seemed unlikely, but she was cautious not to get her hopes up.

She sighed, rubbing her temple. Soon, they would have to start telling other people. Boq, and Nessa. The wheelchair-bound girl would be devastated, just like Fiyero...

Oh, Oz. Fiyero.

She hurried down the stairs, out of the building, and over to the boys' dorm building. She knocked on his door and waited two clock-ticks before pushing against it. It was unlocked and she slipped inside. "Fiyero?"

He was sitting on his bed, a note between his fingers, his hands shaking. She sat down beside him and read the note over his shoulder.

 _Yero,_

 _I don't even know what to say to you, other than that I'm sorry for leaving you like this... but I didn't feel like I had a choice. I love you, but I've always wanted to make a difference, for my life to mean something, and this is my only chance to do that._

 _I know what I promised you and although I'll admit that I've considered breaking that promise (you probably won't be surprised to hear that; you know me well, after all), I couldn't, in the end. I can't do that to you, but I also have more selfish reasons. I meant what I told you, after all – I don't want to die alone. I don't know where I'm going yet, but no-one will be there to take care of me. Especially not the way you would._

 _You'll see me again, I promise. Just not for a while. Please keep an eye on Galinda for me, as well as Nessa and Boq. I know you will understand, Yero my hero. You've always understood me so much better than anyone else. I'll see you soon._

 _Yours forever,_

 _Fae_

"So she _is_ coming back," Galinda whispered, slowly releasing a relieved breath. "She's not gone for good."

"She's not," Fiyero agreed. He sighed, burying his face in his hands. "But... Oz."

Galinda placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know. But she'll be all right, Yero. This... for us, this is terrible; but for her it's what she's been working for her whole life long. To finally be making good... it must mean the world to her, even if it's not in the way she'd always hoped it would happen, and we can't be so selfish to want to take that away from her."

"I don't. Not really." He sighed again. "But on the other hand..."

"I understand." She hugged him. "But maybe this is also a good thing. To be away from her for a while. I mean... we're going to have to keep going without her in some time, anyway." She suddenly felt tears stinging her own eyes and she sniffled. Fiyero pulled away to look at her face and then put his arms around her again, allowing the blonde to bury her face in his shirt and cry as he shed his own tears into Galinda's hair.

* * *

Elphaba had never thought she would still get this chance... and yet here she was, surrounded by Animals – helping care for the sick and wounded ones, planning and strategising with a group of the others, always trying to make things better. The only difference was that now, she actually felt like she was succeeding.

She was doing relatively well still. It had been almost two months since she had left the Emerald City and she'd spent all this time helping Animals and fighting for what was right. They chased away Gale Force soldiers. They spread forbidden pamphlets and articles promoting Animal rights and telling of the Wizard's lies and deceit. They had no idea if it was even remotely working, but they had to keep trying because the moment they stopped fighting was the moment they'd have lost.

At some point, Elphaba had run out of medication and she'd had to steal the things she needed from the infirmary at Shiz, since she knew the building well and knew where they kept their medication. She'd used the opportunity to secretly check up on her friends and was glad to see they seemed to be coping. Nessarose looked a little sad, but she was spending a lot of time with Boq and Galinda and Elphaba was confident that she would be fine. Galinda and Fiyero spent a lot of time together as well – the blonde a little less bubbly than usual, Fiyero smiling a lot less than before – but they were going to be okay, too. She wanted nothing more than to reveal herself to them and spend these last few months of her life with them, but she knew there was still more work for her to do.

She wished she could do more. She wished she could _really_ make a difference, that she could change the Wizard's ways or have him overthrown and have someone else rule Oz, someone who did what was best for everyone; but she simply didn't have the time. All she could do was try to help as many individual Animals as possible and be satisfied with that. She couldn't change anything in the bigger picture, but she knew she was still making a difference. She saw it every time she saved an Animal from the Gale Force, cured one with the help of her magic, or helped some of them flee Oz across the Impassable Desert (which was not so impassable after all – not with the combination of Elphaba's magic and a transportation spell she'd found in the Grimmerie). It wasn't everything she'd dreamt of, but it was enough.

By now, though, she was almost permanently feeling tired and dizzy and her headache never left anymore. She'd also noticed that she bruised very easily these days; even the slightest bump against an object resulted in a dark patch on her skin. She was weak and she didn't want to risk her illness progressing to the point where she'd faint whilst flying or fighting. She'd promised Fiyero she'd come back and she intended to keep that promise, no matter what it took. Soon, she was going to have to leave the rest of this fight to the Animals and other Ozians who wanted to make a difference. First, though, she had some other things to take care of; and once that was done, there was still a place she wanted to visit before returning to Fiyero.

She looked up at the sky and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the rays of sun warming her face. It was summer, for which she was grateful; whilst everyone around her complained about the stifling heat, she welcomed it, since it kept her from being too cold. Unfortunately, the humid summer air also meant she was out of breath all the time, but she supposed she couldn't have it all.

Right now, Galinda would be in Gillikin with her parents for the summer and the others would be home as well – Nessarose and Boq in Munchkinland, Fiyero in the Vinkus. She had always been afraid to live her entire life in Munchkinland and die there. At least that wouldn't come true now. She supposed the Vinkus was as good a place to die as any – at least it was beautiful there and she would be surrounded by people who cared about her. That was already more than she ever could have wished for.

She took a deep breath and continued doing what she was doing, both dreading and looking forward to the moment when she would leave her cause behind and return to where she had left her heart.


	13. Tell My Loved Ones How I Feel About Them

**Once again I apologise for the update delay, but... that also means I won't break your hearts with the Elphaba-dies-chapter on Valentine's Day!**

* * *

 **#13. Tell My Loved Ones How I Feel About Them**

* * *

 _Will I lose my dignity?_

 _Will someone care?_

 _Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?_

* * *

She could see her sister's lips form her name right before she opened the window, eyes wide as she stared at the green girl. "Fabala?"

Elphaba gave the younger girl a sad smile. "I told you I'd come back. In my note for you."

"I know, but..." Nessa shook her head. "I didn't really expect you to," she admitted.

She watched as her sister carefully clambered through the window and stood before her, bending down to hug Nessa tightly. "Well, I am here now. I had to go and fight, Nessie, but I'm here now."

Suddenly, Nessa understood. "To say good-bye." She hoped she was wrong, but one look at Elphaba's face told her she wasn't. "That's why you're here, isn't it? To say good-bye."

Elphaba nodded solemnly. "Yes."

"Where are you going?"

The young witch shook her head. "I can't burden you or Father with the care for me, Nessa," she said softly, "and I don't have much time left. I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm going someplace safe."

Nessa nodded, for some reason feeling much calmer than she had expected to feel in this moment. "You're going to the Vinkus, then. To Fiyero."

Elphaba gaped at her sister and Nessarose laughed softly. "It's not that hard to guess, Fabala. He does love you. Anyone can see that. I suspected he would want to take care of you until the end, and since I can't and Father..." She paused. "Well, he..." She trailed off then, unsure of what to say.

"Hates me," Elphaba finished for her. Nessa flinched, but the green girl shook her head. "Oh, Nessa. He's hated me all my life. Maybe if I hadn't been sick, he'd have tried to get to know me better and see past my skin and past what I... what I did to Mama, and to you... but now it was just too hard for him."

"You're right," Frex suddenly said from the doorway and both sisters jumped at the sound of his voice. "It was."

Elphaba instinctively gripped her broom tighter, ready to flee if she had to; but her father shook his head at her. She noticed that he seemed to have aged a lot in the past few years. She'd never noticed that before.

"I won't say a word, Elphaba," he said wearily now. "You're my daughter and you don't have that much time left as it is. I'm not entirely sure what you've done to get the Wizard and the Gale Force after you, but whatever it is, I won't let you spend your last months in Southstairs."

She didn't tell him that "months" was a little too optimistic. Instead she only said, "Thank you."

He laid his hand on Nessa's head, but he was looking at his eldest daughter. "It was too hard," he said. "And I am sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I hated you. I never did. Your mother... she loved you so much." He choked up a little. "She would have been devastated to hear about your illness, if she'd still been alive then... she'd possibly have been even more devastated to know how I have treated you all these years. But I had my reasons. Not good ones, but reasons nonetheless."

"I know." Elphaba sighed. "It can't have been easy, having a green daughter, with all of Munchkinland talking about our family. It was probably even harder for you when Mama died and Nessa turned out to be unable to walk because of me –"

"What?" he said sharply.

She looked at him. "That's what you always thought, isn't it?"

She was a little alarmed to suddenly see him wilt before her eyes, making him look even older. "No," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "No, that's not what I always thought at all. I always thought... that it was _my_ fault."

"Fabala," Nessa said suddenly, sitting up straighter. "You're bleeding."

Elphaba instinctively probed her gums with her tongue and when she found nothing, she touched her nose. "Oh. Nosebleed. They happen all the time these days." She winced a little and accepted the handkerchief Frex handed her, putting pressure on her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Don't worry," she said when she saw her father and sister's worried faces. "It will stop soon enough. It always does."

"Fabala..." Nessa tentatively reached out to touch a bruise on her sister's arm. "Are you okay?"

Elphaba smiled wryly. "Have I ever really been okay? I'm as well as can be expected, Nessa, but..." She glanced up at her father's face, then back at Nessa's. "But I don't have much time left," she said honestly. "That's why I'm here."

Nessarose nodded, looking on the verge of tears, but she managed a brave smile. "I'm glad you came back, Fabala," she whispered, holding out her arms and closing her eyes when Elphaba hugged her. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Nessie." She kissed the top of her little sister's head. "Think of me again every once in a while, will you?"

"Of course. Always. I'll never forget you," Nessa promised, her tears now spilling over. Elphaba wiped them away with her fingers and carefully removed the handkerchief from her nose, finding that the bleeding had stopped. She looked at her father and grimaced, holding up the bloody handkerchief.

"Sorry. I think I ruined this."

He shook his head. "It's not important." He hesitated. "Elphaba... I'm sorry," he began, but she cut him off.

"Don't. It's all right. I forgive you."

"Thank you," he said, looking at her strangely. "But I am sorry. For more things than you'll ever know."

She nodded. "Thank you, too. That means a lot to me." She hesitated briefly, then decided to just ask it. "Father? Has there... has there ever been a moment when you were proud of me?"

She asked it in a rather matter-of-fact tone – of course the answer _mattered_ to her, but she just wanted to know. She smiled a little wryly when her list briefly crossed her mind. Maybe she could stripe another item off, after all.

She was utterly dumbfounded, however, when she watched Frex's eyes fill with tears.

"Yes," he choked out. "Of course. I am... I mean, I..." He struggled for words. It was almost sad to watch and it made her feel strange to see him like this. "I'm so sorry," he managed eventually, closing his eyes for a moment. "Of course I am proud of you, Elphaba."

She took a deep breath, then nodded. "Okay," she said. "Thank you." She stepped forward and embraced him quickly. "Good-bye, Father."

He hugged her back, just the briefest moment, before she pulled away again. He looked utterly lost as she turned to Nessarose and hugged her again, whispering, "Good-bye, Nessie," in her ear.

"Good-bye, Fabala," Nessa whispered back, crying as well now. As Elphaba stepped back and grabbed her broom again, Frex moved forward to place both of his hands on Nessa's shoulders. Together, they watched as Elphaba mounted the broomstick, gave them both a small wave, and then disappeared out of the window, never to be seen by her father or her sister again.

* * *

Fiyero didn't hear her arrive. He just turned around from where he had been writing a letter at his desk and saw her standing on his balcony just outside the glass doors, broomstick in hand, black pointy hat on top of her ebony hair. She looked pale and tired, hunched over a little, but a small smile graced her features when she saw him looking at her. She raised a hand and gave him a wave, her smile suddenly falling, and she lowered her gaze.

Within two clock-ticks, he'd opened the glass doors and was standing in front of her, drinking her in. "You're here."

She bit her lip, not meeting his gaze. "I promised, didn't I?"

He felt like dancing with joy, despite the circumstances under which she had returned. Instead of doing so, however, he ushered her inside, one hand on the small of her back. "Come in. You look exhausted... are you okay? Where did all those bruises come from? You look thin – have you been eating enough? Are you hungry now? Or do you want anything else?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

It was awkward for a moment. It confused him. They had never been awkward around one another before – not for a long time, anyway – but he wasn't sure what to say.

She, eventually, was the one to break the silence, her voice only barely audible since she was turned away from him, hugging herself. "I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth, but she wasn't finished yet. "I'm sorry I left, Yero. I explained everything in the note I left you and I still believe I made the right choice, but I _am_ sorry because... because I know you just wanted to spend as much time as possible with me before the end and I deprived you of a lot of that time. And now I'm here, like I promised, but you probably hate me for putting you through that, and –"

That was the point when he cut her off by hauling her against him and claiming her mouth with his, kissing her with a passion that left her altogether breathless – the good kind that she associated with Fiyero, not the bad kind that came from her illness. She kissed him back, winding her arms around his neck.

He lifted her without breaking the kiss and she wrapped her legs around his waist, allowing him to carry her over to his bed and gently set her down, still kissing her deeply. She made a contented noise in the back of her throat and he pulled away, tenderly tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"I know you're sorry," he whispered. "Don't be. You wouldn't be the Elphaba I love if you didn't fight for what was right and I know that's what you've been off doing these past months. I want to be mad at you for that, but I can't, so don't feel guilty. I don't want to waste whatever time we still have by arguing, anyway."

She traced his features with the tips of her fingers, smiling sadly. "I don't deserve you."

He turned his head to kiss her fingers. "Funny, I always thought it was the other way around." He pushed himself away from her, with her watching him as he straightened and smoothed a hand over his hair. "I'm going to get you some food," he decided. He moved over to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of his own flannel pyjama trousers and a thick cardigan, which he placed on the foot of the bed. "Get changed, you. I know you must be cold, despite the fact that it's summer – that dress is too thin." With that, he left the room.

When he returned, carrying a tray, she had changed into the clothes and was huddled in the arm chair by the window, watching a flock of birds fly past. He put the tray on the desk and she glanced at it. A bowl of hot soup, some bread, a smaller bowl of fruit, and a glass of juice.

She shook her head. "You spoil me too much."

He merely smiled and scooped her up, sitting down in the chair with her in his lap instead. She reached for the bowl of soup, slowly emptying it with his arms still around her, after which she devoured the bread and fruit and drank all of the juice. She hadn't had a meal this good in a long time and she leaned back against Fiyero's chest with a satisfied sigh.

"Better?" he asked, his breath tickling the hair by her ear.

"Better," she admitted.

He nuzzled her hair, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes for a moment. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she mumbled, slowly relaxing against him. "A lot. But I wanted to stay for as long as I could before giving up." She sighed. "I left this morning. I visited Nessa first, and Father... I told them what I still wanted them to know. I don't think I'll see them again."

His grip on her tightened.

"I still have to see Galinda," she began, but Fiyero cut her off.

"I'll write her today to ask her to come over," he said. "She'll want to be here, too."

She smiled faintly. "Okay. Thank you."

"Anything for you." He cupped her chin and turned her head so he could kiss her, gently, almost reverently. "I can't believe you're really here. I'm so glad you came back, Fae... I hoped you would, especially after your note, but I wasn't sure. I know you."

"That you do." She kissed him again. "But you should have known that I could never leave you all behind like that, Yero. I couldn't even say good-bye. Of course something could have happened to me whilst I was with the Animals – that was a risk I had to take – but I was always planning on coming back." She turned around so that she was straddling his lap, facing him, and cradled his face between both her hands, continuing to plant soft kisses on his lips. "I don't know how much more time I have," she whispered between kisses. "It doesn't really matter, though. We'll make every last moment last."

He held her to him, tucking her head underneath his chin and closing his eyes, just relishing the sensation of having her in his arms again after so long.

"I ticked off "Tell my loved ones how I feel about them," she said after a while, her voice a little muffled since her cheek was still resting against his chest. "Or, well... I told Nessa, and Father. He apologised... for everything... and I forgave him. And I'm planning on telling Galinda once she gets here, but..." She pulled away slightly to look up at him. "I've tried to come up with something to say to you," she confessed, "but I came up blank. I just... don't know."

"That's all right, sweetheart," he tried; but she shook her head, tears of frustration welling in her eyes.

"No. Don't you see? I..." She licked her lips, trying to think of the right words. "I want to tell you how I feel about you, and I think part of the reason why I can't come up with anything is because you already _know_ how I feel – I've been more open about my feelings with you than I ever have been with anyone else."

"And I'm grateful for that," he said, rubbing her back. "Fae, I love you and I know you love me, too. You don't have to give me some big speech to let me know that. I'd rather you didn't, actually." He was afraid he'd burst out crying like a baby if she did.

She shook her head again and ran her fingers through her hair. "No, Yero, I just... it's not _just_ that. It's..." She exhaled slowly and fixed her gaze on his chest so that she wouldn't have to look at his eyes. "Thinking of things to say to Nessa, to Galinda... even to Frex... it was hard. I didn't want to think about saying good-bye to them, but I wanted them to know before I die what they meant to me and I somehow just knew what to say. It's painful, leaving them, but I've accepted it."

"Okay," he said, encouraging her to go on.

She finally looked at him. "I can't think about saying good-bye to you," she confessed, closing her eyes for a moment. "I... I _love_ Nessa, and Galinda, too, but you... you're different and I can't..." Despite her attempts to stifle it, a sob escaped her lips and she hid her face against his shirt again. "I don't want to leave you, Yero." Her voice broke. "I don't want to die."

It felt like his heart was being ripped in two at that and he held her tighter, rocking her gently back and forth as she quietly cried into his shirt. He kept rocking her for another while longer after she'd calmed down.

"Shh," he murmured. "It's okay. It's okay for you to break down over this, Fae. I have a feeling you've been shoving those feelings aside for too long already."

She sniffled. "What other choice did I have? It's not like crying is going to change anything."

"It changes how you feel." He wiped her tears away and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll be with you until the very end, hon. I hope you know that."

"I know," she whispered. "But what if I'm too far gone by then to realise that? What if it's just me, all by myself, unconscious and trapped in darkness? I don't want it to be like that." She heaved a shaky sigh and then admitted, "I'm scared."

"I know." He nuzzled her temple. "Me, too. But I promise, Fae, I'll do everything in my power to make sure you won't be alone. We'll all help you in any way we possibly can."

She nodded, allowing herself to be held for a while as she thought about everything. She finally heaved another sigh and sat up straighter. "Well, it's no use dwelling on the things that may or may not happen," she said. She flashed him a weak grin. "I learned that from you."

He chuckled.

She checked the time and moved to her bag, which she had abandoned in a corner. She opened it and pulled out a needle and bottle, which made him grimace. "Injection time again?"

She nodded and he held out his hands. "Let me."

She looked surprised, but didn't say anything as she stood before him and showed him how to extract the fluid from the bottle and where on her abdomen he needed to insert the needle. He gently traced a bruise on her skin and looked up at her questioningly.

She shrugged. "Blood disorder," she said as if that explained everything. "You could simply poke me in the side these days and I'd probably bruise."

He nodded and focused on the syringe again. He shuddered a little as he pushed the needle in, but she didn't even flinch – she was used to it by now. She wondered why he wanted to do this, but then it suddenly hit her – he wanted to learn how, so that he could do it for her once she'd be unable to do it herself, in a while.

Once it was done, she put the things away and bit her lip. "Um... could I maybe wash my clothes somewhere?" she asked sheepishly. She showed him the contents of her bag. "I have some stuff with me, but with the recent summer rains, my clothes got all muddy and I couldn't really wash them anywhere."

He rolled his eyes. "We have maids for that," he told her. "I'll take your laundry to them. For now," he held out his hand and she slipped her hand into his, "let's go see my parents. I'm sure they'll be almost as happy to see you as I was."

* * *

 **There you have it. She's back. Next chapter in two days, and then the big one two days after that... and then only the epilogue to go.**

 **Reviews still make me happy! :)**


	14. Be Part of a Family

**Virtual dessert of your choice for PocketSevens, the 100th reviewer of this story! :)**

 **I'm glad I already elicited some more feels and tears from you. Hehe.**

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 **#14. Be Part of a Family**

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 _Love heals when pain's too much to bear_

 _When you reach out your hand_

 _And only wind is there_

* * *

Elphaba had been worried about what Fiyero's parents thought of her fugitive status, but it turned out he was right – his parents were simply very happy to see her. Fiyero explained that he had kept in close touch with them about her as they both hugged her and then held her at a short distance, taking her in and shaking their heads.

"You look thin," Lori observed. "Have you been eating enough? Do you need anything?"

"Fiyero took care of that already," Elphaba assured the queen, but Lori didn't seem satisfied.

"Shouldn't you get some rest?"

Elphaba shook her head. "I will," she promised. "Later. I'm okay for now."

"You look pretty good, though," Lori decided. "Considering the circumstances."

She did – Fiyero had already noticed that when she'd appeared on his balcony. Her hair was as thick and black as ever, having grown out a little again since the make-over, but still in layers. Her face was pale and she'd looked guilty when she'd arrived, but there had also been a sparkle in her eyes which he knew came from having fought for something she believed in; and even though her skin was marred with bruises, it had mostly retained its vibrant green colour.

"Where have you been?" Hamold wanted to know and then they all had to sit down as Elphaba told the Tiggulars everything about the way she had spent the past few months, the Animals she'd helped, the places she'd stayed, and all the things she had done in an attempt to make a difference in Oz somehow.

Fiyero told Lori and Hamold about his intention to invite Galinda over and they approved, telling him to send the letter right away. He helped Elphaba upstairs and into his bed and wrote the letter while she napped, handing it over to a servant to send out.

Only two days later, Galinda came, scolded Elphaba for leaving, then hugged her, and then everything was all right between them again. She and Fiyero hardly ever left her side. Even Fiyero's parents were usually with her. It felt like she had finally found a place and people that felt like home.

Of course, she was rather weak by then and she didn't go outside much (although part of the reason for that was also her status as Wicked Witch of the West, naturally). She did sometimes go for a short walk in the gardens with Fiyero, Galinda, Hamold, Lori, or a combination of the above. She liked feeling the fresh air and sunshine on her face; especially after having spent the past few months outside, she didn't like being cooped up between four walls all the time.

She also spent a lot of time in the library, reading or talking to Hamold, discussing literature and politics with him like they had when she'd visited for Lurlinemas. They talked a lot about how she had become a wanted fugitive, what she had learned about the Wizard, and her views on the matter of the Animal Banns; and Hamold promised her he would look into it more and try to make changes, even after she would be gone, which she appreciated greatly.

Lori was equally wonderful, insisting on taking care of the green girl like she would care for her own daughter. She made sure Elphaba ate well, going so far as to research different types of blood diseases in the library so she could figure out a diet to put the young witch on that gave her all the nutrients she needed to minimise her symptoms. She and Elphaba also talked a lot about the way Elphaba felt about everything and Fiyero was proud of his mother for managing to have those conversations with his girlfriend without having Elphaba freak out and run away. Lori was good at such things.

With Galinda, Elphaba mostly talked about all kinds of different, lighter things. Sometimes they played board games or she would allow the blonde to fiddle with her hair for a while. Mostly, it was the five of them together and although Elphaba normally would have protested the lack of time for herself, she now just felt grateful that she didn't have to be alone. Every time she was alone, her mind began to wander and she didn't want to think right now (or at least as little as possible).

Fiyero had begged her to stay in his room and she had agreed after his parents had given their consent. She knew he felt better having her close at night and she, too, preferred not having to be alone. She spent most of her time sitting or lying down and yet she felt tired all the time. Her headache never went away anymore; neither did her dizziness, and she had at least one fainting spell or nosebleed a day, despite the fact that she obediently continued to take her medication at the appointed times. She knew the end was slowly but surely drawing near.

At some point, Lori asked her if she would be okay with the royal doctor checking her over, promising that he could be trusted not to mention her to anyone. She agreed, if only to make Galinda and the Tiggulars feel better; and so the doctor came, the same one that had examined her when she'd been at Adurin Iir for Lurlinemas. He asked her a whole bunch of questions about her past, everything the doctors in Munchkinland and at Shiz had said about her illness, her medication, and how she was feeling. He examined her after that and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

"Well?" Elphaba asked when he didn't say anything. "How bad is it?" She felt Fiyero, who was sitting beside her on the bed, squeeze her hand.

He sighed, placing his glassed back on his nose. "I can't say for sure until I run some tests on the blood samples I took from you," he said honestly. "But... it doesn't look good. The symptoms you described, and even the things you didn't think were important – such as the fact that you're so easily bruised these days – all point to a severe imbalance of platelets and white and red blood cells. I expect to see that finding confirmed by those blood tests I mentioned."

"I know you're not going to want to tell me this," Elphaba began, "because no doctor ever did, but I really want to know..."

"...how long you have left?" he finished for her, knowingly. He shook his head. "I can tell you more after those blood tests," he told her. "Not long, though."

Fiyero slowly let out a breath, but didn't say anything. This time, she squeezed _his_ hand. "A month?" she guessed. "A week?"

The doctor hesitated. "Probably more than a week," he said finally. "Probably less than a month."

She nodded. Her mouth was dry and her head was pounding, but she'd expected this much. She'd felt it, too. Her body was shutting down.

"Well," she said wryly, trying to make light of it. "At least Fiyero and Galinda won't have to miss more than a few weeks of classes at Shiz."

"Fae," Fiyero chided her gently and she sighed, pulling away from him to draw her knees up to her chin and wrap her arms around her legs.

"What will it be like?" Fiyero asked the doctor quietly. He glanced at the green girl in concern, but she wasn't crying. She did look a little shaken, though. He slid his arm around her waist, squeezing softly in an attempt to console her. "The end, I mean. Will it... will it hurt?"

Again, there was a moment of hesitation. "Perhaps," he said finally. "The headaches will definitely get worse. There might be some pain, but I don't expect it to be much. At this point, I think the most likely thing that is going to happen is that you, Miss Elphaba will simply be feeling more and more drained and tired and you're going to need more sleep. Your body will grow weaker; at some point, you will be too tired to get out of bed at all. Your vital functions will slow down and then just... stop. You'll probably drift away in your sleep eventually."

Fiyero nodded, unable to speak despite the lump in his throat. Elphaba, however, raised her head.

"How long will that take?" she asked. "I'm not going to have to lie in bed completely helpless for months, am I?" Fiyero knew why she was asking – she wouldn't want him, Galinda, and his parents to have to take care of her for so long. "I mean, you said I probably didn't have another month left."

The doctor shook his head. "This will all go relatively fast," he assured her. "Especially once you won't be able to get out of bed anymore. From that moment on, I estimate it will be another couple of days."

Fiyero bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. Elphaba, beside him, exhaled audibly. "At least it won't be dragged out much."

"Remember," the doctor said, meeting her gaze, "that I am only estimating things here, Elphaba. I'm basing my opinions and predictions on your symptoms, my examination of you, your medical history, and the courses of other, similar diseases of the blood; but since your case is a unique one, I can't make any promises and I can't say anything for sure. This is what I think will happen, but it might go entirely differently."

"Basically, you're saying I could either drop dead without a warning in the next five minutes or live with a bunch of terrible symptoms for another year," she said bitterly and he nodded.

"Essentially, yes."

She sighed. "Well, I won't count on anything, then. But thank you for being honest with me." She gave him a wry smile. "You already gave me more information than my other doctors ever did. They used to dance around the subject – they were almost afraid to talk to me about it."

He smiled back faintly. "It's not an easy thing to talk about to a patient, Miss Elphaba."

"Oh, I can understand that." She looked at Fiyero, who had been quiet for a while now. "Yero? Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He pressed a kiss to her hair, briefly closing his eyes before opening them again to look at the doctor. "Thank you."

"Not a problem, Your Highness," the man said kindly. "Do not hesitate to call for me if you need anything. If she is in pain or there is anything else you think I could help with, just come get me and I'll see what I can do."

They both thanked him again and Fiyero went with him to let him out and update the others on Elphaba's condition. Galinda came into the room soon after that, her eyes red from crying, but she managed a brave smile for her friend.

"Let me brush your hair, Elphie," she ordered, grabbing a hairbrush from the vanity in the corner of the room and sitting behind Elphaba on the bed, lifting some of the raven strands and starting to run the brush through them.

They were both silent for a while. Elphaba stared at her hands resting in her lap, wondering how to begin. "Glin?"

"Yes, Elphie?"

The dark-haired witch took a deep breath and then turned around to make eye contact with her friend. "I think I've said most of what I wanted to say to you in that note already," she said, her voice shaking a little. "But I still want to tell you in person."

Galinda's eyes filled with fresh tears the moment she realised where this was going. "Elphaba..."

Elphaba took her friend's hands in her own, squeezing gently. "You were my very first friend," she said, smiling slightly. "And I couldn't have wished for a better one. You've been my best friend for less than two years, which isn't really that long at all, but it feels like I've known you my whole life already. Even in the past few months, I've really missed having pink and make-overs forced onto me," she teased and Galinda laughed softly.

"I've missed you, too."

Elphaba sobered. "So... thank you for that. I know you'll do as I asked and look out for Nessa when I'm gone," she said simply. "And I know you and Fiyero will keep an eye on one another as well. You're wonderful and I love you. You've changed me a lot - for the better, I think; and I'll always carry you with me. Like a handprint on my heart." She smiled slightly.

Now Galinda couldn't hold her sobs back anymore and she burst into tears, flinging her arms around Elphaba's neck as she sobbed into the other girl's shoulder. "Oh, Elphie, I love you, too!" she choked out. "I don't want you to die! You..." She sniffled. "You said I've been the only friend you ever had... and I've had so many friends!" she wailed.

Elphaba had to grin at that. "Glin..."

"No, let me finish. I meant..." She sniffled again and pulled back to look at her friend's face. "I meant that I had a lot of friends in my life, but you were the only one that mattered."

Much to her annoyance, Elphaba found herself tearing up as well. She cast her eyes heavenward. "Oh, great. Make me cry, too."

Galinda squeaked softly and hugged her friend again. That was how the three Tiggulars found them when they came in and Fiyero instantly shot forward, worried. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine!" Galinda hiccupped between sobs.

Hamold raised his eyebrows sceptically. Elphaba met Fiyero's gaze and said softly, "I told her."

He understood that she meant the good-bye speech she'd been preparing and his face softened. He didn't have to ask about Galinda's reaction – her noisy crying told him enough.

"There, there, sweetheart," Lori said, gently pulling Galinda away from Elphaba. "It's all right." She didn't even flinch when Galinda turned to her instead, still crying. Lori merely embraced the girl.

Fiyero moved towards Elphaba. "You okay?"

"I guess," she said, still watching Galinda. She sighed. "I hate doing this to people. Saying good-bye to Nessa was awful, too," she confessed quietly.

He cupped her face and wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye with his thumb. She smiled faintly at him.

"Elphie?" Galinda said, still sniffling a little, but pulling away from Lori. She bit her lip, looking at the green girl. "I... I have something for you. Wait here," she instructed before leaving the room.

Elphaba and Fiyero exchanged puzzled glances until the blonde returned, carrying something. She wordlessly handed it to Elphaba, whose eyes widened when she unfolded the piece of paper and recognised it.

"My list?" she said in wonder.

Galinda nodded. "I found it in your and Fiyero's room in the City and I packed it with your other things. When I left Shiz for the summer, I took it with me," she admitted, "and when Fiyero said you had come back and asked me to visit, I knew I had to bring it."

Elphaba read it quickly, smiling a little. "I've done most of these things. I even made Father proud," she said, glancing up at Galinda and Fiyero. She'd told them about what had happened in Munchkinland.

Fiyero smiled and squeezed her hand.

He read the list over her shoulder and said, mildly amazed, "You've done _everything_ on the list, Fae. Do you see?"

"Not everything," she corrected him. "Look at the last one – I added that one in the Emerald City, right before… well, you know. Before I left."

Fiyero raised his eyebrows. "It seems to me you've done that one as well, hon."

"I haven't made a difference in anyone's life," she protested, which earned her a snort from both Fiyero and Galinda.

"You've made a difference in _my_ life," Galinda pointed out. "You've changed Fiyero's life even more. And what about Nessa's? Or the lives of all the Animals you saved during your time on the run?"

Elphaba thought about that, then had to admit that her friend had a point. "I haven't conquered my biggest fear yet, though. Fitting, that that is the last unchecked box left on my list." She made an odd noise in her throat. "You're going to have to stripe that one off for me, though."

"Death is your biggest fear?" Lori guessed softly and Elphaba nodded.

"We'll tick it off for you," Fiyero murmured, taking the list from her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But not yet."

"Not yet," she agreed.

* * *

Upon regaining consciousness after her umpteenth fainting spell, Elphaba found Lori sitting next to her, rather than Fiyero.

As always, her head was pounding and she moaned pathetically. Lori looked up from the book she'd been reading and quickly helped the green girl sit up, handing her the pills and the glass of water they always kept on the nightstand these days. Elphaba took the pills and lay back down. Lori returned her attention to her book, both of them waiting for the medication to kick in so that Elphaba's headache would lessen enough for her to be able to talk.

After a while, she rasped, "Thanks."

Lori smiled and closed the book, placing it on the nightstand. "You're welcome." She looked at Elphaba. "Are you feeling better now?"

Elphaba grunted something. "Just that blasted headache."

Lori rose to her feet and moved into the adjoining bathroom, returning with a wet piece of cloth, which she placed on Elphaba's forehead. "Perhaps this will help. My mother used to do that for me when I had a headache."

The younger woman smiled weakly. "Thank you." She watched Lori for a while. "Does it... does it really not bother you?"

"Does what not bother me, sweetheart?" the queen asked absently, taking the now-empty glass of water and going back into the bathroom to re-fill it.

"This." Elphaba indicated herself. "Having to house me and take care of me. Me being in your lives at all... and in your son's life. The fact that he fell in love with me, for some crazy reason, and that I can never be his wife or his queen because I'm not even going to see the first day of autumn anymore - not to mention my current status as fugitive."

Lori's face was solemn when she sat back down in the arm chair by Elphaba's bedside. "Elphaba," she said. "We may not know you quite as well as Fiyero or Galinda does, but we did get to know you a little and we liked what we saw. Fiyero loves you and for that alone I am grateful to you. You may not see it, but you have changed him for the better; and we know that none of that Wicked Witch-business was your fault. Fiyero told us the truth and we believe him - and you." She took Elphaba's hand. "You're part of the family now, sweetheart. I wish things were different," she said sadly. "For your own sake as much as for Fiyero's. But he is strong, and he has known that this would happen from the beginning. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but he is going to be fine."

"I hope so," Elphaba croaked and Lori smiled at her.

"He will be," she assured the green girl. "We'll help him."

Elphaba nodded.

"We can only be grateful that you feel enough at home with us to let us take care of you," Lori continued. "I know that can't be easy for you and we're honoured that you are willing to let us do that. You have brought nothing but good into our lives, mainly into Fiyero's life, and we owe you a debt for that that we will never be able to repay."

Elphaba started to protest, but Lori just shook her head. "Don't. Just know that we're happy to have you, sweetheart, and we're happy that we have seen Fiyero happy for a while. I'm his mother," she said. "I didn't know what I could do about it, but that doesn't mean I didn't see that he was unhappy for the longest time. It's been a while since I've seen him as happy as he is when he's with you, Elphaba. Perhaps I've never even seen him that happy. _You_ make him happy, and it's not your fault that that cannot last. And even if he does not find anyone else whom he will love as much as he loves you, at least he'll have known that kind of happiness – that kind of love."

"He will," Elphaba whispered. "He'll find someone else. He has to."

Lori shook her head with a smile. "I don't think he will. True love is hard to live up to, Elphaba." She patted the girl's hand. "But he'll be all right nonetheless. Don't you worry about that." She rose to her feet. "I'll go get Fiyero now. He was worried about you."

"He always is," Elphaba muttered with a fond smile. She watched as the queen walked towards the door. "Lori?"

"Yes?"

Elphaba met her gaze. "Thank you," she said quietly, but sincerely.

Lori smiled – a brilliant smile that lit up her whole face and that reminded Elphaba of Fiyero's own smile. "You're very welcome, sweetheart."

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 **Happy Valentine's Day. The next chapter will be up in two days and it will be the chapter you've all been dreading/waiting for. After that, there's only the epilogue left.**


	15. Conquer My Biggest Fear

**Shout-out to VickyTailor for making my day with your review! :)**

 **So... this is it, then. I personally do like the way this came out. I hope you'll feel like I did Elphaba's character and ending justice with this chapter. Reviews, as always, are welcome (if only so I won't feel so silly for having cried whilst writing and proofreading this chapter multiple times).**

 **Also... listen to _I'll Cover You - Reprise_ from the musical RENT as you're reading this (or straight after). Do it. Maybe imagine Fiyero and Elphaba's other friends and family singing it at her funeral. It's very feels-inducing.**

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 **#15. Conquer My Biggest Fear**

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 _No other road, no other way_

 _No day but today_

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Elphaba hated being weak.

She hated not being able to go outside for a walk anymore, but she really just couldn't do it – she was out of breath before she even reached the door. Soon she became too weak to walk anywhere at all that was farther away from her bed than the bathroom and she hated it. She felt trapped, cooped up in Fiyero's room all the time, and she threw more than a few fits about it, despite Fiyero urging for her to calm down and not waste her energy by yelling.

Eventually, he took to carrying her downstairs for meals three times a day for a change of environment, which calmed her down a little. She also went onto the balcony sometimes for fresh air, but it still felt frustrating to be so restricted – if only because she knew it meant the end was drawing even nearer and that she would probably never see anything of the outside world again.

One day, she awoke from her midday nap to Fiyero and Hamold's hushed voices, although she couldn't hear what was being said.

Her eyes slowly blinked open and Fiyero glanced at her. She could see the worry in his face, but the moment he saw she was awake he instantly smiled, hiding his concern. She knew he always did that – put on a brave face for her. She didn't call him out on it because she knew it made him feel better, but she hated seeing it.

"Hey," he said gently, coming over to the bed and crouching beside it. He smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "Are you awake?"

She yawned. "No, I sleep with my eyes open."

Rolling his eyes, he grabbed the warm, fuzzy slippers Galinda had given her (she would never admit how much she loved the ridiculous things – they were so very Galinda, but they were also so very warm on her feet) and helped her sit on the edge of the bed, putting the slippers on her feet. He handed her one of his own thick cardigans and carefully combed her hair a little with his fingers before scooping her up in his arms. "Come on."

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" She clung to his neck, even though she knew he would never drop her. "Where are we going?"

His smile was mysterious. "You'll see."

Hamold trailed a little behind, but moved past them every time he had to open a door for them. Eventually, they reached the door leading into the gardens and Elphaba's eyes lit up.

"We're going outside?"

"We figured you'd like to _really_ get out for a change," said Hamold and she sighed happily.

"You were right."

Fiyero carried her over to a bench not too far from the castle and set her down, taking his place beside her. She closed her eyes and raised her face to the sun.

"I talked to my advisors and to some of the Vinkun government officials," said Hamold, watching her closely. "They agreed to set things in motion with regard to the Animal Banns. We're continuing your fight for sure after you're gone, Elphaba. You have my word."

Her smile was so bright it could compete with the sun and on an impulse, she reached out and hugged the king. "Thank you."

Hamold appeared a little startled, but then hugged her back, exchanging a slightly sad smile with his son over Elphaba's head.

Far too soon, she was starting to feel dizzy again and Fiyero carried her back to the castle, with Hamold in tow. She stayed in bed until dinner and when she'd eaten and Fiyero carried her back upstairs, she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

Fiyero and Galinda both sat with her once the prince had tucked her in, thoughtfully watching her.

Galinda was the first one who spoke. "It won't be long now, will it?"

Fiyero wordlessly shook his head.

She looked at him. "Do you think you can keep your promise to her?" she asked softly. "Are you going to be okay? I promised her I'd keep an eye on you and I'd hate for you to… you know. Do something drastic, or be miserable for the rest of your life."

One corner of his mouth turned up in a wry smile. "I won't." He bit his lip, looking at the young witch asleep in his bed. "I won't lie to you, Glin. It's not going to be easy," he admitted. "But I've known this from the start and I've made her a promise. If only for that reason, I'm going to try the best I can to be okay. In the end, anyway."

Galinda smiled and linked her arm with his, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Fiyero; and I'm sure she is, too."

He huffed a mirthless laugh. "Thanks, I guess."

She squeezed his arm reassuringly and they went back to watching Elphaba.

* * *

One morning a few days later, Elphaba awoke very early because she felt herself being jostled around and she blinked blearily. "What… Yero?"

"Sorry," he whispered, but he didn't stop his attempts to wrap her up in a blanket. Once he was sure she was warm and snug, he scooped her up in his arms, blanket and all. She let her head drop against his shoulder, still half-asleep, as he carried her out onto the balcony, where he sat down with her in his lap.

She smiled, briefly closing her eyes before opening them again. "I've already ticked "Watching a sunrise" off my list, remember?" she mumbled.

She felt him drop a kiss to the top of her head. "Well, you can't deny the fact that watching one single Vinkun sunrise over the Thousand Year Grasslands is not nearly enough, Fae."

"You're right," she agreed, taking in the explosion of colours in the eastern sky. "It's not. It's so beautiful." She sighed, snuggling into him. "I wish we could stay here like this forever."

"Me too, hon," he whispered, gaze trained on the sky. "Me, too."

* * *

When she eventually came to the point where she started spending her days drifting in and out of consciousness, Fiyero found himself surprised by his parents.

Lori sang for her.

Hamold read her stories.

The prince would go downstairs for a short while to eat something or get some fresh air (after lots of pushing to do so from both Galinda and his parents) and when he came back, he'd find his father sitting next to the bed, reading to Elphaba in what Fiyero had always called his enthusiastic-storyteller-voice.

Lori, for her part, had a nice singing voice and she'd always sung lullabies to Fiyero when he was little. Now, she was singing those same lullabies to Elphaba. Even though they all knew she probably couldn't hear any of them whilst unconscious – or asleep; Fiyero was never sure which it was – it touched him that his parents still tried. Despite the fact that they were both the rulers of a province and always had a lot of work to do, they made sure to make time for Elphaba as much as they could, which he appreciated more than he could say. It seemed to calm her down, too; she always seemed less restless when she was hearing someone's voice, as if it helped her to recognise that she was not alone.

Every time the green girl was awake, one of the Tiggulars (usually Fiyero) or Galinda would help her eat and drink something and either Fiyero or Hamold would carry her to the bathroom, which mortified her, but it wasn't like she could do anything about it. Her most humiliating moment was when she shooed Fiyero out of the bathroom one day so she could take a bath in private, only to find that she was too weak to get out again by herself. When he came in to check on her, he found her curled into a ball, crying quietly, and he wrapped her up in a towel and carried her back into her room without a word, pulling her against his chest as he dried her hair.

"Just let us help you," he murmured into her hair as he nuzzled it, tightening his grip on her. "I know you want to be independent, sweetheart, and you hate me seeing you this way; but I don't mind and you need to accept the fact that we all want to help you. You're not weak, Fae. You'll always be the strongest person in all of Oz to me - to all of us."

She just turned and buried her face in his shirt, and he held her.

One time when Galinda was sitting beside the bed, thinking her former roommate to be asleep, she startled when Elphaba suddenly spoke.

"Do you think there's an afterlife?" Elphaba asked quietly.

Galinda sighed. "Oh, Elphie..." She took her friend's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Of course there is. Someplace where you'll be happy and where you'll be able to wait for us." She smiled faintly. "Maybe they'd let you watch over us, too."

"Huh," Elphaba said sleepily. "I'll be sure to come back to haunt you, then." Her lips quirked into a tiny smirk. "I bet I could make you scream loud enough to have Morrible come running from the other side of campus."

Galinda laughed despite the tears filling her eyes.

Another time, when the green girl woke up in Fiyero's arms in the middle of the night, he felt her shivering all over and he pressed a kiss to her hair. "Nightmare?" he whispered. "Or do you need your medication?"

Elphaba shook her head, teeth chattering. "Nightmare," she admitted. She buried her face in his neck. "Yero... please don't hate me," she pleaded.

He frowned. "What? Fae, I could never hate you." He pulled away a little to look at her face. "Why would I hate you?"

She shrugged listlessly. "For putting you through this," she whispered, not looking at him. "For... for leaving."

His heart broke. "That's not your fault, sweetheart." He folded her into his arms again, gently kissing her lips. "It's not even your choice. I love you, Elphaba, and I always will," he promised her.

She traced his features with her fingertips as if trying to memorise them. "I love you, too," she murmured. "Thank you for... well, everything. Taking care of me, being there for me... pushing through, in the beginning," she added, finally raising her gaze to meet his. "I know I said I didn't want to hurt you and we shouldn't even try to get together, but I'm really glad you didn't give up. This past year... it may well have been the best of my life."

To hide the tears in his eyes, he kissed her again, threading his fingers through her hair, kissing her so passionately that she couldn't help the soft whimper that escaped her. She kissed him back and he deepened the kiss, barely allowing any space between them.

She drew away slightly and he forced himself to stop. "Fae..."

"One more time," she whispered, pleading. "Please."

He knew they probably shouldn't. She was too weak, he wasn't sure what would happen if they did this – she might even pass out from the sudden rise in her blood pressure. But he could never refuse her anything and so he simply kissed her again and let his hands wander across her body. Even in the scarce light, he could see the bruises covering her beautiful emerald green skin and it made his heart hurt. He was careful to keep his touches light, afraid of causing her pain.

Afterwards, he held her tightly against him and tried to savour the moment for as long as he could, because he knew that she was right and this had most likely been the last time.

* * *

She became feverish a few days after that and even weaker than she'd been before, shivering all the time. The doctor sadly confirmed what they were all thinking – it could be any moment now. While she had been lucid for longer periods of time before, she now only seemed to awaken very briefly, a few minutes at most, and even then she was drowsy and slow. She murmured to Galinda once in mild irritation that it felt like her brain was working through a thick fog. Galinda knew her friend's irritation was only mild because Elphaba didn't have the energy for more and that made her feel even sadder.

Fiyero stayed with her all the time now. Everyone else tried to convince him to go downstairs every once in a while, but he blatantly refused. He knew she could pass away at any given moment and he was going to be there for her when she did. He'd promised her she wouldn't be alone. He knew Galinda, the doctor, and his parents would take care of her in his absence, but he wanted to be there for her himself, no matter what it took.

Once, near the end, she opened her eyes, but they were foggy and unfocused and he suspected she couldn't even see anything. "Yero?" she mumbled, sounding like she was in pain.

He was by her side in a clock-tick. "Yes, hon?"

"It hurts," she whimpered, confirming his suspicions. He looked at the doctor, who was also staying at the castle semi-permanently now, and the man moved closer.

"Where does it hurt, Elphaba?" he asked gently.

"My head," she whispered, closing her eyes again.

The doctor nodded calmly. "I'll prepare an injection," he promised. "That should make it go away."

She nodded, already sinking back into oblivion, but she startled awake again when the doctor actually injected her and she watched with droopy eyelids as he retracted the needle and cleaned up his things.

He smiled reassuringly at her. "Give it a while to start working," he advised her. "You'll feel better soon."

"Okay," she slurred. "Thanks."

The doctor quietly talked to Lori, who was sitting in the corner of the room, and then left. Upon Fiyero's questioning look, his mother explained, "He's just going home for the night, Yero. He needs food and rest, too. We all do," she said pointedly, but he ignored her and she didn't push because she knew he couldn't leave Elphaba.

The last time she was conscious, although of course they didn't know it would be the last time then, she was lying in Fiyero's arms and she curled more into him and nuzzled his cheek. "I love you, Yero my hero," she murmured. "More than I thought I could ever love anyone."

A lump appeared in his throat, but he managed a smile. "I love you, too, hon," he told her, letting his lips travel along her temple, down to her cheek and then her jaw, only to come back up to press a soft kiss to her own lips. "So much."

She shifted a little, looking up at him. "Yero?" she asked. "Are you scared?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Am I scared? What kind of question is that? I'm terrified."

She shuddered a little and he tightened his grip on her. She admitted, so soft that he could only barely hear her. "Me, too."

"I know, sweetheart. Don't be," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers and looking into her beautiful, dark brown eyes. "You'll be okay, somehow. I promise."

"You can't promise that," she huffed, which made him grin, because she sounded so much like her old self for a moment.

She bit her lip, her eyes fluttering shut again; but just when he thought she'd fallen back asleep, her eyes opened once more. "Please don't leave me alone," she said in a small voice. "I don't think I can do this without you."

"You could," he told her, trying not to let her show that his heart was breaking. "You're so brave, Fae – you could do anything, even alone. But you won't have to. I promised, didn't I? You kept your promise to let me take care of you. Now I'll be keeping mine." He kissed her again, inhaling her scent. "I'll be right here, holding you, the whole time."

She nodded and he could feel her relax a little, obviously relieved at the reassurance. "Thank you. Yero my hero," she murmured drowsily as she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

It was the last time he'd see her awake.

* * *

A part of Galinda had somehow expected Elphaba's death to be more. Just... more.

Of course she knew the things she read in the romance stories she so loved did not happen in real life. She knew there wasn't going to be a true love's kiss from Fiyero, followed by a miraculous recovery, a wedding, and a happily ever after. She wasn't stupid. A little naive at times, perhaps, but not stupid.

Deep down, however, she had expected something more to happen. She'd expected Elphaba to wake up one more time – again, not with a dramatic gasp such as in the romance stories, but still – and maybe to have one more moment of clarity in which they could really say good-bye. Or perhaps she hadn't so much expected that to happen as she had _hoped_ it would happen, because the good-bye she'd had didn't feel like enough. She wondered if it ever would. She thought that maybe even if she could spend the next ten years saying good-bye to her best friend, it still wouldn't be enough.

She knew Fiyero hoped for it, too, even though he was more realistic about it than Galinda was. One last conversation. Maybe just a few whispered words. _Something._

But it wasn't like that.

Even if it would have been, if she would have woken up a final time, there was nothing they could have said that they had not already said to one another. They were all as ready as they could ever be. It hurt, but Fiyero and Galinda both knew it was time to let go.

Elphaba had been unconscious for over two days now and the doctor had gently tried to prepare them for the end. He hadn't really needed to – they all saw it coming. Lori and Hamold even had their staff cancel every scheduled meeting and obligation, excusing themselves by saying there was an illness in the family. Not many people knew Elphaba was even at Adurin Iir; aside from the doctor, only a select few staff members the king and queen trusted completely were in on the secret. Fiyero asked if people wouldn't question the excuse, given the fact that the royal family wasn't exactly big; but then his parents pointed out that Fiyero himself hadn't been seen by most of the staff in over a week and Lori and Hamold had disappeared from the public eye for a few days now, too.

"Let them speculate," said Hamold. "They'll come up with all kinds of crazy stories about you or one of us having been ill, but we won't confirm anything – we'll just keep it vague. Don't worry about that."

They were both in the room on the morning it happened, having dragged the couch from the sitting area of Fiyero's room nearer to the bed. Lori had drifted off to sleep against her husband's shoulder and Hamold did not look like he was far behind as he kept nodding off, his arm around the queen's shoulders. Galinda had fallen asleep in an arm chair, covered with a blanket by Lori a while ago. It was early in the morning, but the sun hadn't risen yet and it felt like it was the middle of the night, with darkness outside the windows and darkness inside the room.

Fiyero was sitting beside the bed, silently watching the green girl's face. When he noticed her breath hitching a few times, he said sharply, "Dad."

Hamold looked up and met his son's gaze. He'd never seen so much fear in Fiyero's eyes and he knew right away what it meant. He gently shook his wife. "Lori?"

As she slowly woke up as well, Hamold moved over to Galinda and placed a hand on her shoulder. When she opened her eyes, he said simply, "It's time."

Her eyes grew wide and she nodded. They all crowded around the bed. The king gave Fiyero's shoulder a consoling squeeze and Galinda grabbed Fiyero's hand for a moment, looking at him. He attempted a reassuring smile for her, but it looked more like a grimace.

They all watched the rise and fall of Elphaba's chest for a while, none of them speaking. None of them had to point out that her breathing was slowly growing fainter and more shallow.

When the quietest of whimpers escaped Elphaba's lips, Fiyero wordlessly got up and climbed into the bed with her, pulling her into his arms and murmuring quietly into her ear.

"You're not alone," he told her, his voice breaking. "I'm not leaving you alone, Fae. I'm right here - we all are. It's okay."

Galinda took her former roommate's hand and held it, squeezing softly every now and then as if to let Elphaba know that she was there for her. Fiyero, from the bed, gave her a small but grateful smile, which she returned. His fingers combed through Elphaba's hair, stroking it; and Galinda remembered her friend telling her in amusement how much Fiyero loved her hair.

"It's all right," Galinda heard him whisper to the young witch in his arms now, his forehead resting against her temple. "It's all right, sweetheart. You can go."

That, more than anything, broke Galinda's heart; and judging by the stricken look on Lori's face, it broke hers, too. Hamold just slipped his arm around his wife's waist, silently offering her some comfort, and she leaned into his side.

Fiyero took a deep, shuddering breath, looking down at the face of the girl he loved. She looked so small and fragile in his arms, so vulnerable. "I love you, Fae," he told her quietly, taking the slender, emerald green hand Galinda wasn't clutching and rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. "And I meant what I said before – I always will. But I'll try to be okay. For you. Don't worry about me – about any of us. We'll do our very best to make it without you, I can promise you that."

"He's right, Elphie," Galinda said, her voice breaking. She had tears in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. "It's okay."

Fiyero kept on murmuring to the green girl in his arms, sometimes softly humming a lullaby, telling her she wasn't alone and he loved her and it was okay for her to go. Galinda's tears eventually spilled over and Lori held out her arm invitingly, allowing Galinda to bury her face in the queen's shoulder without ever letting go of her best friend's hand. She heard Elphaba's breath hitch again and looked up just in time to see her chest fall for the last time.

Fiyero felt it, more than saw it, just as he was whispering into her hair again, "I know you're tired, hon, and it's okay. I love you, Fae. I'm right here. Just let go, it's all right." Before he'd even finished his sentence, he felt the change in her. He couldn't say exactly what it was. Maybe she grew a bit heavier against him, or maybe he felt her heartbeat finally falter and stop, but it just seemed like he could actually feel the life draining out of her and then her chest fell but didn't rise again and she was gone.

He didn't move for a while. He didn't speak again, either, and his hand had stilled in her hair. His head was bowed, his sandy hair falling into his eye, his gaze still trained on her face. She looked peaceful – or was that just wishful thinking on his part?

Eventually, an utterly sad sound from Galinda broke through his trance-like state and he glanced up, only to find the blonde sobbing hysterically into his mother's shoulder. He tenderly laid down Elphaba's hand and scooted away from her, trying not to jostle her as he climbed off the bed and took Galinda from the queen, holding her tightly as she pressed her face against his chest instead. He cried, too, but he didn't make a sound, his body shaking with silent sobs. A look at his parents told him that they were both crying as well.

It was over. She was gone.

Galinda eventually calmed down and Fiyero's gaze fell on the piece of paper on the nightstand beside the bed. He let go of the petite girl and moved over to the nightstand, picking up the paper and the pencil beside it.

As the first rays of sun illuminated the eastern sky just outside the window, Fiyero ticked off the last unchecked item on Elphaba's list. At last, she'd conquered her biggest fear.


	16. Make a Difference in Someone's Life

**I loved your reviews and drank your tears. Thanks for sharing your agony with me!**

 **In all seriousness, though, I'm glad you think I did the chapter justice. Some of you even said it was the best chapter I've ever written, which is of course a huge compliment, so thank you so much!**

 **Again, for the full feels experience, listen to (and/or watch) _No Day But Today_ , or _Finale B_ , from RENT as you read this. If you want to watch it, too, watch the alternate movie ending (or the musical ending) rather than the original one - it's better.**

* * *

 **#16. Make a Difference in Someone's Life**

* * *

 _We raise our glass to_

 _Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion_

* * *

The Animal Banns disappeared.

They basically disappeared overnight and it wasn't even just because of Hamold's efforts to battle them. In fact, the main cause of their disappearance was a final letter from Elphaba, addressed to her friends. A will of sorts, actually.

 _Glin,_ she'd written, _I want you to have my black pointy hat back – it was yours to begin with, after all, and it's what started our friendship. Next time you see your Granny again, give her my thanks for that hideodeous hat that somehow managed to bring two very different people together to become the unlikeliest of friends._

She'd never had many personal things – the hat had been the first present she'd ever gotten, if it could be counted as one; and unlike Galinda, she hadn't been one for frivolous possessions. Fiyero had, of course, given her presents for their various monthly anniversaries since they had gotten together and she had left those to him, wanting him to have them back. He kept the ring he had given her for their first anniversary, a simple silver band with an emerald for her and a sapphire for him, on a chain around his neck and he found himself fidgeting with it or touching it all the time.

 _I was only three when Mama died, as you know, Nessie_ , she'd written for Nessarose, _and I've only ever had a single thing of hers – the thing I want to leave to you now. Galinda or Fiyero will know where it is. It is a green glass bottle that once belonged to our mother and she gave to me to play with when I was still very little._

Galinda smiled sadly at that. "I know where that is, indeed. She had it with her when she fled the Emerald City and she brought it back to the Vinkus with her, too." She glanced sideways at Fiyero. "She always kept it under her pillow."

He nodded. "I found it there. It's back in my room," he'd told Nessarose. "I'll go get it right away."

Nessa smiled sadly. "Thanks, Fiyero."

She'd been devastated, of course, to hear from Fiyero and Galinda that her sister had passed away; but she hadn't been surprised. They'd written to her soon after it had happened, asking her and Frex if they were okay with having her buried on the private property of the Vinkun royal family, since that would attract less attention than a funeral in Munchkinland would and she was technically still a fugitive. Also, Fiyero wanted to keep her close, although he'd understand if her family rather took her body back home.

Much to all their surprise, however, Frexspar had agreed and he and Nessarose, as well as Boq, had travelled to the Vinkus to give Elphaba a good-bye with everyone she had loved. She'd even left the Munchkin something – most of her book collection.

 _You'll need them more than I do now,_ her letter said. _A lot of them are on politics – I know you're not very interested in such things, but it couldn't hurt you to read something that's not about agriculture... and once you're ready to admit that you really do love Nessa, these books might help you when you're ruling Munchkinland by her side. You'd better take care of my little sister, Boq. Make her happy, or else at least make sure she ends up with someone who does. I'm not here anymore to judge her potential suitors, so you'll have to do it for me – choose wisely or I swear I'll come back from whatever afterlife there may be to haunt you._

That passage had made them all laugh a little, because it was so very _Elphaba_ ; but it had also made them sad, because she wasn't here anymore and they would never hear her say such things in her own voice again.

The letter also stated that she wanted Fiyero to have her list.

 _I know I technically started it with Galinda, but Glin, I hope you'll forgive me for leaving it to Fiyero instead. I think he needs it more than you do. Yero, I'm sorry I have nothing more to give you than the things you yourself bought for me and this list, but I know you won't mind. I've never had many possessions and you know I've never cared much for them, anyway. The gifts you've given me and this list have always held more emotional value for me than most of my other things ever did._

When the prince returned with the green bottle, however, he was frowning. "I feel like I've seen this before," he said, puzzled, "and not with Fae."

Galinda took a good look at the bottle. Her eyes widened. "Oh my Oz. Fiyero. The Wizard."

He understood immediately. "He had such a bottle in his throne room the day we came there."

"Do you think...?" Galinda let the question hang in the air, but neither of them knew the answer to it. She looked at Nessa. "Could I keep this for a short while, Nessa? I need to look into something."

"What?" Nessa asked in confusion. "Why?"

Fiyero and Galinda quickly explained their suspicions to her. Her eyes widened and she agreed to let Galinda have the bottle for a little while. The blonde planned on returning to the Emerald City to confront the Wizard after Elphaba's funeral; Fiyero would be joining her.

The funeral was simple and not attended by many people, but it was beautiful and it felt right, which was really all they cared about. After a short service, the coffin was lowered into the ground. One by one, they stepped forward to place a single rose on it.

Lori and Hamold had been worried about Fiyero before, thinking he was taking the loss rather well - too well - and maybe wouldn't allow himself to grieve. He sat bravely through the service and didn't make a sound the entire time, only shedding some quiet tears.

Once he had placed that rose on the coffin and whispered a good-bye, however, his parents were proven wrong. He was a wreck. Nessa and Galinda's tears were awful to watch, but Lori soon came to the conclusion that seeing a grown man break down in desperate sobs in his father's arms was far, far worse. The fact that said grown man was her own son only made it even more terrible.

He had made Elphaba a promise, though, and so he eventually pulled himself together and went to the City with Galinda. They confronted the Wizard and informed him about Elphaba's death, after which he broke down completely, devastated by the fact that he had made his only child into a criminal and that she was gone now, as were all chances of him making it up to her. Galinda sharply advised him to try and redeem himself by changing his ways, which he promised he would do.

That was how the Animal Banns disappeared.

It wasn't directly Elphaba's doing, maybe, but Fiyero still felt like it was somehow her accomplishment and he was proud of her for it. As he stood before her grave a year after her death, he told her, "You see now how many lives you've changed, just by being you? I hope you finally believe that you've made a difference in other people's lives now, too, Fae."

He often talked to her as if she was still there. It made him feel less lonely.

They had all stuck together for their final year at Shiz – him, Galinda, Nessarose, and Boq – and they'd pulled through, somehow, without her. It felt strange and it wasn't the same, but they managed. Lurlinemas, which he had celebrated with his parents at Adurin Iir, had maybe been the hardest time for him because it brought back so many memories of the Lurlinemas before. It was also the first time he'd been back at home after leaving it for Shiz, after Elphaba's funeral, which didn't really help. What she'd said that day she'd heard that she was getting worse kept haunting him – that she was glad her last Lurlinemas had been with him.

They all graduated the summer after that, Boq as valedictorian, which he was proud of and hated at the same time.

"It shouldn't be me," he'd said when Nessa had asked him why he looked so glum about the honour. "It should be her. It was always her. If she'd been here..." He choked on a short laugh. "If she'd been here, I never would have managed to top the year. There's no way in Oz that I could ever have beaten her exam scores."

They all laughed at that, because it was true and because the alternative was bursting into tears and they'd done enough of that already. So Boq got up onto the stage on graduation day and gave a speech – a speech about Elphaba, her achievements, her illness, her death, and their friendship. After the Wizard found out the truth, he'd cleared her name, which they were all grateful for. None of them thought they could bear hearing bad things said about "the Wicked Witch of the West" all the time, knowing that she had not been wicked in the slightest.

They all recognised how _off_ it felt to be graduating without her there – the one of them who had always been the most motivated, the happiest to be at Shiz, the most eager to get an education. She was there in spirit, though. She was there in Boq's speech and because the new Headmaster (Morrible had been removed from her position by the Wizard once he'd started making changes) read her name from the student list and mentioned that she might be gone, but she would not be forgotten. She was there because Dr Dillamond had been brought back as Shiz's History teacher and because he praised her as not only his best student, but also as the brightest and kindest one he had ever known, and because he told everyone present that he would have her picture with some engraved words of memory for her hung up in his classroom.

She was there in Galinda's giggles and Fiyero's smile, in the hug Nessa shared with her father after receiving her diploma and the one Fiyero shared with his own parents. She was there in the toast they all made in her name once they'd arrived at _King's Corner_ for after-graduation dinner. She was also there in the tears Fiyero couldn't hold back because he missed her so much on this day and in the unexpected hug Boq pulled him into when he saw the look on the prince's face. She was everywhere, they all felt it, and it made the event somehow feel a little less wrong.

Now, as Fiyero was standing by her grave, looking down at her headstone without saying a word, he couldn't say how he felt. Empty, maybe. Sad, definitely. Angry, a little. Lost, mostly. He had a feeling he'd always be lost without her. She'd been the light to guide his way through his life, dramatic and cheesy as that may sound. He chuckled a little when he imagined her response to that thought – a roll of her eyes and a snorted, "Oh, please", probably. Possibly a stomp on his arm. She'd kiss him afterwards, though, as if to let him know she didn't mean it, and he'd continue to tell her all kinds of horribly cheesy stuff that would make her cringe and threaten to hex him to eternity and beyond.

"Still keeping my promise," he told her headstone. "It's not easy, though – going on without you, I mean." He kicked a pebble near her grave. "You can't possibly expect me to fall in love with someone else, Fae. I might marry someday… I mean, as the crown prince, I kind of have to. But I'll never love anyone the way I will always love you." He sank into a crouch so that his face was level with the words engraved on the stone and he pushed his fingers through his hair. "I miss you."

His only reply was the wind, but he liked to imagine her standing next to him, telling him she missed him, too. Would she be proud of him for how he was holding up? Of Nessa and Galinda? Nessarose was doing rather well, having returned to Munchkinland after graduation with Boq – Elphaba had been right about him actually still liking her and he and Nessa had decided to give their relationship another try. Galinda had gone back home as well and was spending some time with her Momsie and Popsicle, unsure of what she wanted to do with her future, since etiquette demanded a lady of her status to marry a young man of equally high status, but she couldn't think of anyone she wanted to marry. Fiyero himself was in the Vinkus, learning everything about being a king from his father – attending meetings, visiting charities, and carrying out other royal duties to the best of his abilities, determined to make Elphaba proud.

It was a grey and cloudy day and he shivered, standing up straight again. "I love you," he said, but it didn't feel right now that she wasn't here to say it back to him.

He would be standing here again years later, in the same position, to tell the headstone that he'd gotten engaged to Galinda after spending years on his own, unable to open his heart to anyone who wasn't Elphaba. He'd tell her that he hoped she knew he wasn't marrying Galinda for love. It was a political match for both of them, since they both needed a partner of high status. Galinda didn't mind because she'd get to be a princess and have all the things she'd ever dreamt of having; when Fiyero asked her about true love, she'd sighed and told him that although she'd like to be with someone who loved her that way, time was running out for her and she'd rather be with him than with someone she barely even knew.

"Not all your dreams can come true," she'd said realistically. "Plenty of mine already did come true, so I count myself lucky. I know you can never love me in that way, Fiyero, but that's okay. We're good friends; I think we'll get along just fine, and Momsie and Popsicle are getting impatient."

It felt weird and it felt wrong, to watch the beautiful blonde walk down the aisle instead of the green girl he'd always imagined it would be. Galinda had been right – he never did grow to love her in that way, but he loved her nonetheless and they were relatively happy together. As Elphaba had already seen back at Shiz, the petite girl was much smarter than she usually let on and she was a good queen to the Vinkun people.

Every night they were at Adurin Iir, they took a walk in the gardens together, visiting Elphaba's grave and telling her about their day as if she was still there to hear them. They only had a single child together because neither of them could bear to try for more, but one was enough. Wanting to commemorate the green girl, they made their daughter's second name "Elphaba" and officially appointed Elphaba as the girl's godmother, even though she would never know that.

Nessa would marry Boq and become the governor of Munchkinland after Frexspar retired, ruling over the people justly and wisely, wanting to make Elphaba proud just as badly as Fiyero wanted that. Lori and Hamold would pass away at an old age and they would be buried next to Elphaba, giving Fiyero and Galinda two more spots to visit each night on their walk through the gardens.

She'd had an impact on all of their lives for good, even if she hadn't realised it when she was alive. Galinda said once that "She's like a handprint on all of our hearts", and when Fiyero had given her an impressed look, she'd confessed that it was what Elphaba herself had said to the blonde during her good-bye speech years before. It was something she'd never forgotten. "It just feels like the right expression to use for the way she's changed us all," Galinda had explained and Fiyero had had to agree.

He'd join Elphaba again at some point, after a long and prosperous reign over the Vinkus, old age and heart problems getting the better of him one night in his sleep. Galinda wept, but a part of her was glad that he was with the woman he really loved again. She continued to live in Adurin Iir with her daughter and grandchildren until it was her own time to go, years after that; until that time came, she continued to visit the graves in the garden every evening, even though her daughter had to push her there in a wheelchair for the final few months.

However, as Fiyero stood there before Elphaba's grave, a year after she'd passed away in his arms, he didn't know any of those things yet. He didn't know that he would be king and Galinda his queen, that he'd have a daughter and that they'd continue to honour Elphaba every day for the rest of their lives. He knew, though, that he would never forget her – that there would most likely not be a single minute in his life that he didn't think of her at least once.

He touched the headstone, tracing her name with the tips of his fingers, remembering how she'd used her own fingertips to trace his facial features a lifetime ago.

"I wrote it down, you know," he said to the grave. "I wrote down everything about you. I was afraid I would forget."

He still was, but writing it down had helped. The way the corners of her lips curled into a smirk, the sound of her laugh, or the feeling of her beautiful hair under his fingers weren't things that could be explained through words, but he had tried his best to describe them nonetheless. He didn't want to forget. He wanted to remember everything about her for the rest of his life.

He smiled a little. "You probably think I'm being a sappy idiot right now, don't you?" He laughed softly. "That's okay. You thought that half the time we were together, anyway. I'm _your_ sappy idiot, though. Always will be." He touched his lips with his fingers and then pressed his fingers against the headstone. "See you tomorrow, hon."

He wasn't worried about the future. He might not be as happy again as he'd been with Elphaba, but he knew he'd be okay – not good, but okay – and that was enough. One day he would see her again, he was convinced of that; but until then, he'd just try to make the most of his life. He'd try to be happy and he'd make her proud, no matter what.

The wind picked up a little as he walked away and a ray of sun broke through the gloomy, grey clouds, illuminating the gardens around him. He grinned, looking up. "Show-off," he said fondly to the sky.

More sunlight broke through, as if in response to his remark; and he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment as a sense of peace settled over him. He wasn't okay yet, but he would be, if only because it felt like he could still sense her presence around him all the time. He felt it now, too. Like she was watching over him.

Fiyero laid his head in his neck, looked at the sunlight bursting through the dark clouds, and smiled.

* * *

 **-THE END-**

* * *

 **I tried to end this story on a slightly hopeful note, despite everything. I hope I succeeded in that, too.**

 **That was it, my fellow Ozians! Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. I'm working on some other things, but I'm not sure yet when my next story will be up, so just keep an eye out for anything I post. No matter what it will be, I hope you'll join me again - because being a writer is so much better with a bunch of wonderful readers at your back!**


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